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Original poster

Difficult new boyfriend?!

123 replies

icecreamsundae82 · 28/04/2017 23:33

Oh god don't know where to start!

So been with my new boy almost 3months but we've had about 4 big arguments - is this normal?!

I came from a very bad abusive relationship before and didn't give myself enough time - my fault - but as my new boyf seemed so good for me at the time I got straight into a relationship

The problems we have are that we are BOTH quite emotional and when we do disagree like tonight it's never ever his fault...always me

Tonight was over the disagreement we had on the phone Thursday night! He wanted to talk about it which was fine but it led to a very looooong what appeared to be a verbal ear bashing from him....he says I ' talk at him' ' rant' in an argument but I honestly don't think I do? Then when I tried not to even get upset in anyway shape or form tonight and not even try and say the wrong thing...he still gets upset with me?

He makes me feel like I'm in the wrong all the time and I got to the point where I asked him to leave my flat tonight which I feel so sad about
Even though when we've had the other 3 bad arguments we've said let's try and sort it before we get upset.....but I got really upset and I tried not to...but I couldn't help it

I'm sat here so upset as I have really fallen for him but just need to talk to someone - like to argue this much isn't right is it?!

There's other red flags don't wanna rant so if anyone there up and can talk to me would appreciate it

OP posts:
Obsidian77 · 28/04/2017 23:38

It doesn't sound as though you are ready for a relationship or that he is the right person for you.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 28/04/2017 23:39

You haven't fallen for him. You've fallen for a return to the life you know best. The life of being abused.

Dump and run.

The fact that you even have to ask shows that you need a lot more time to sort your head out.

MariafromMalmo · 28/04/2017 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowstardrops · 28/04/2017 23:43

I wouldn't carry on with this relationship. It sounds like way too much hard work too early on.
You'd be better off splitting and just giving yourself some time before you think about getting into another one.

LoudestRoar · 28/04/2017 23:44

I'm sat here so upset as I have really fallen for him but just need to talk to someone - like to argue this much isn't right is it?!

3 months in, and he is making you feel like this? It's not normal at any stage of a relationship. No one has the right to make you feel shit.

Original poster
icecreamsundae82 · 28/04/2017 23:49

But now I'm back to square one but worse as I used him for a support network when I left my boyf

I have fallen for him though
He was lovely charming and has been there for me every day

Even though he was a sensitive insecure boyf!

OP posts:
Original poster
icecreamsundae82 · 28/04/2017 23:52

I know I'm not perfect and tonight I've really tried to listen to him and accept my part but I just felt enough is enough you know? Like we are not even 3 months in and I can't help but think who are you to talk to me like this and not accept me for who Iam? Which is why I got upset
Then he gets ultra upset and stroppy but what I don't get is that he at first was soooo lovely and everything I wanted in someone
At times I can think yeah maybe it is me but tonight I've really tried but it was like he wanted me to feel shit? Although when I tried to explain he was just shooting me down and saying I was twisting his words and I honestly didn't think I was

I feel heart broken though

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2017 23:53

For the love of god, end this now. You are NOT suited for each other. Why put yourself through this? A new relationship should not be this hard.

AlcoholAndIrony · 28/04/2017 23:54

At 3 months it should still be fun and getting to know each other.

Not arguing and feeling rubbish.

Original poster
icecreamsundae82 · 28/04/2017 23:57

I know....maybe just need to hear it so that's why I've come on here
Like someone said I do know the answer

I just feel awful and I let myself believe he loved me and had a future with him yes I know sounds stupid
But he was very very full on

He kept telling me he was insecure
Was worried someone would come along and take me away and he was so insecure because of his ex and it got to the point of it grating on me as I kept telling him I wasn't going anywhere!

I'm just sad and I know in my head it's wrong but when it was good it felt amazing

OP posts:
SweetLuck · 28/04/2017 23:57

at first was soooo lovely err, it is still 'at first', this is still the beginning, and it's already quite shit. Move on.

PickAChew · 28/04/2017 23:58

If it's shit after only 3 months, end it.

Original poster
icecreamsundae82 · 28/04/2017 23:59

I feel stupid for not giving myself time after my breakup. I feel completely broken as a person

OP posts:
Original poster
icecreamsundae82 · 28/04/2017 23:59

It is shit at times

The other times it's lovely and feels right? Why does it hurt so much then ?

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 29/04/2017 00:00

Dump!
Then be. Aaaaaah. Big breath.
Be you, be single, be mended Flowers

PickAChew · 29/04/2017 00:01

A support network supports you.

This piece of shit is adding to the crapness you're amassing. Get rid, now.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 29/04/2017 00:01

You desperately need to be single for a long while. Stay away from men until you don't need them for support.

You were temporarily reeled in by another abusive man. Don't try to understand him. Focus on understanding what stopped you dumping him after the second red flag, never mind the first big argument.

You made a mistake. Move on. Sticking with the mistake doesn't make it any better.

AlcoholAndIrony · 29/04/2017 00:02

It's only 3 months. Honestly, before you waste anymore time - get rid.

PickAChew · 29/04/2017 00:03

A 3 month old good relationship shouldn't have any shit bits. You should be wanting to unabashedly jump each other's bones without any complicated accusatory nonsense.

Original poster
icecreamsundae82 · 29/04/2017 00:06

Thanks peeps

Feels like I've been living a fake life for 3 months....

What I should have done is just concentrate on me and my lovely daughter and not get involved with anyone at all
But he was sooooo lovely and was ' being a friend ' just think it's bullshit now
But least I recognise it and can learn from it
I can't see him leaving it now
I may be wrong
But I just have a feeling
God the things he used to say to me.....unless it was absolute bullshit who knows

Me time - healing time

OP posts:
Ilovespringandchocolate · 29/04/2017 00:06

Sounds exactly like my ex, you're not in East Anglia are you?!

Run, it won't get better!

Original poster
icecreamsundae82 · 29/04/2017 00:09

lol no I'm not ! Why what was he like?

Honestly this is just the tip of the iceberg

I've only told you what he thinks I have done wrong tonight!

When I've questioned the relationship before it's been about his insecurities, he constantly messages me throughout the day saying the most loviest things and I've just got used to it....he's sooo full on and intense it's unreal but again it's not real is it

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 29/04/2017 00:11

Unfortunately he will not change and things will just get worse. He wants you to "understand" him and to be nurturing towards him but will never listen to your point of view. You will be blamed for his unhappiness and be told you are responsible when things do not go well. Been there, done that. If you ever feel you might be getting your point across he will change the grounds of the disagreement and leave you feeling frustrated and upset. Don't be drawn further into this relationship because you can't "win", won't ever be regarded as an equal and he will become increasingly abusive.
Have you had any counselling? Can you ask about confidence raising groups? You need to feel that you deserve a good relationship with someone who will treat you well and in whom you can have complete trust.
Good luck

plominoagain · 29/04/2017 00:11

Make him into a difficult ex boyfriend . If this is when he should still be being nice , what's he going to be like when things become run of the mill?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/04/2017 00:11

Being very full on, very quickly, is a big red flag. Certain types of abusive men are very quick to home in on a vulnerable woman.

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