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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I cant cope

129 replies

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:09

Exdp left me around 2 months ago, saying we wanted different things. He left me devestated. We dont have any kids together. Since then he has said he has been seeing other people, then said he has mad it up to hurt me, then he has said he has slept with someone else, then said he has lied to hurt me. This has been continuas. In between we had tried to rebuild our relationship. I told him so many times to leave me alone but he never could, said he couldnt let go. It all come to a head other day when he said that he had met someone else, she is complete oppsisite to me and its made him realise what he wants and he hasnt been this happy in ages. Yesterday i caught him twice driving past my house but i never messaged him. I got a phone call saying he has sti. He kept ringing me sayingHe said he needed to come round to talk to me. So i let him round. He said he is in a relationship with someone else and to let him go. I hadnt messaged him so i couldnt understand him saying that. Said he needed to know if o was seeing someone else (im not). Then said he was lying about the sti. He got emotional saying his head was a mess. I told him to delete my number and he left. Im so confused about this. I had left him alone, it was him who wouldnt leave me alone. Even though he is so happy with someone else. Everything is a mess and the worst thing about it all is i still love him

OP posts:

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 23/05/2017 08:22

Like is he even getting prank calls? And if he is why the hell would he think im doing it?? Im not a kid! What enjoyment would i get from prank calling that idiot so full of self importance its embaressing

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Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 23/05/2017 08:23

Then to have the audacity to asking why i havent moved on when he was driving near MY house! He drove past me twice as well! Urgh

OP posts:

bluebell34567 · 23/05/2017 08:31

ignore, ignore, ignore. take him out of your life. he will ruin your life. be busy with friends or something. it will take time, don't worry.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 23/05/2017 08:40

I have been doing. And i feel so much better for it. Im still so hurt and i do cry and i do miss who i thought he was but i will never let him know that

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hellsbellsmelons · 23/05/2017 08:46

No he's not getting prank calls.
He's just continuing the torture to try to keep the upper hand.
He's a fucking cock!!!

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 23/05/2017 08:52

Why does he want to continue to hurt me? After all the hurt and all the insulting names he called me, after being in a relationship with someone else.. why is that not good enough? Why does he want to carry it on?

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Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 23/05/2017 08:55

I know im doing myself no favours by trying to analize him but ots difficult not to and i dont know how to stop

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hellsbellsmelons · 23/05/2017 09:02

Because he's a nasty bully.
Because he's an abusive asshole.
They hate losing one of their 'victims'
They can't bear that someone is 'over' them.
He's probably a bit of a narcissist as well.
Found that out about my recent ExP who has bought a house in the village I live in. No the village he always wanted to live in where the other woman lives - oh no, my fucking village - Cock! So the torture will continue for me as well.
I will rise above it and so will you!

LisaMed1 · 23/05/2017 09:29

My thoughts, which may be off the mark, but please consider.

You're his punchbag and he wants to make sure that you stay his punchbag. If he makes you feel bad it makes him feel good. He does not want to risk you finding someone else, as that would take away his punchbag. Whatever else, he's got to keep you focused on him.

It looks like he's trying to set up a paper trail to 'prove' that you're stalking him, perhaps to appease his latest victim. It would also be a good way of trying to smokescreen stalking you - because stalking you would make you feel bad and if you feel bad he feels good.

I suggest you start keeping a diary of all the contact that you get, the drive bys that you notice, etc etc.

You might like to get advice about sending him one last message saying, 'please do not contact me' to make it clear contact is unwelcome. It may give him the reaction that he wants but it may be something you need to do to protect yourself. I'm sure those more sensible on this board will be able to give you good advice.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 23/05/2017 09:41

I thought about messaging him that but its letting him back in to contact me again. Im sure me ignoring him is enough for him to realise? I think he thought id always be there and never move on. But im trying my damn hardest to move on now

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hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 23/05/2017 09:42

Do you have a number blocking app installed on your phone? Something like Mr. Number? Try it, see if it blocks the texts completely, reading them is not helping but I can understand why you do. An app might help stop them getting through at all.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 23/05/2017 09:43

Ah never thought of that! I will google that now

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Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 26/05/2017 07:07

Ive been NC for over a week now. When will it get easier? I feel like crying constantly even though im out and busy with friends. Everything reminds me of him and i miss the good times and the man i thought he was. Feel like everything is my fault

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LisaMed1 · 26/05/2017 09:36

I don't know how true it is, but I've heard it described as a bereavement. It's a good way to look at it, I suppose. He has also done his best to sabotage any recovery.

I've heard the guideline of a month for every year you've been together. I don't know how true it is, but it's a start. It's not a quick journey after someone has been so utterly cruel to you, but you have started.

Take the credit. You've managed so far, against provocation. If you can just keep putting one foot in front of the other then it will eventually get easier.

I recommend a lot of mumsnet - especially the classics. I always cry with laughter at the religious fridge, and the dinosaurs pushed on our kids one.

Sending good vibes.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 26/05/2017 10:26

Thank you. He has tried his best for me not to move on, and i suppose its worked. I hate him, but i dont want to hate him, i want to feel nothing.

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Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 26/05/2017 10:32

And i find it so unfair he has a new girlfriend and has moved on so easily and happily

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LisaMed1 · 26/05/2017 12:06

I suspect he never really cared for you but he liked you as a punchbag. It's going to take time to train a new punchbag so he's not going to move on from you soon. This is not a good thing.

I suggest doing everything you can to keep your mind occupied, crazily I found counted cross stitch incredibly good at keeping my mind occupied.

Sending good vibes

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 28/05/2017 21:34

I finally changed my number this morning. I had another message yesterday saying i had rang him again and that i was sad, pathetic and i need to go find some cock, that he was laid in bed with his girlfriend when i had "supposidly' rang him. Well.. after nearly 2 weeks silence i finally let rip amd told him exactly what i think about him. I know i shouldnt of but that message made me see red. So all last night and this morning i was sat worrying what else he is going to say to hurt me, if he was going to ring me. When i thought fuck this shit, i dont need this.. so i rang my service provider and they changed my number immediatly. Wow.. i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!
He can now send me abusive/insulting messages all he wants now because that number no longer excists

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LisaMed1 · 28/05/2017 22:15

Hugs

Bad news - he knows it takes two weeks to get you to break silence

Good news - all you need to do is keep holding on for two weeks plus one day at a time.

It sounds like he is spinning this huge story to his girlfriend about you desperate for him. That he has to deal with his psycho girlfriend. She's probably jumping through hoops to prove she's not the psycho jealous type so he's set up to cheat on her easily.

I suggest that you don't answer the door to him if he comes round and don't forget to make a record of when he does his little drive-pasts. Keep a record of everything.

Sending good vibes

LisaMed1 · 28/05/2017 22:17

Another thing - I bet his ego can't bear the thought of you not stalking him lol! He can't bear the thought that you'll actually be fine without him and there's a good chance that you'll find someone new.

It's all about him.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 28/05/2017 22:32

Thank you. I absolutly agree 100% with you.. he is so arragont and has a massive ego. I am doing fine without him and i will carry on fine without him. I know, i should not of broke my silence and just changed my number but i just hit the ceiling.. its fine though.. he cant contact me anymore. I just hope he doesnt carry on with the drive pasts

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LisaMed1 · 28/05/2017 23:21

Sending good vibes.

I don't know, but to me it sounds like you've turned a corner. It's got to get better now.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 29/05/2017 07:28

I really do hope so

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hellsbellsmelons · 29/05/2017 08:28

Well done changing your number.
It will still take some time.
Keep doing what you are doing

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 29/05/2017 20:02

Ive felt a bit crappy today. Why is it everywhere you go there are happy couples/families. Ive felt like i missed him today (missed who i thought he was) but once id had a good rant to my mum i felt better

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