Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

I cant cope

129 replies

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:09

Exdp left me around 2 months ago, saying we wanted different things. He left me devestated. We dont have any kids together. Since then he has said he has been seeing other people, then said he has mad it up to hurt me, then he has said he has slept with someone else, then said he has lied to hurt me. This has been continuas. In between we had tried to rebuild our relationship. I told him so many times to leave me alone but he never could, said he couldnt let go. It all come to a head other day when he said that he had met someone else, she is complete oppsisite to me and its made him realise what he wants and he hasnt been this happy in ages. Yesterday i caught him twice driving past my house but i never messaged him. I got a phone call saying he has sti. He kept ringing me sayingHe said he needed to come round to talk to me. So i let him round. He said he is in a relationship with someone else and to let him go. I hadnt messaged him so i couldnt understand him saying that. Said he needed to know if o was seeing someone else (im not). Then said he was lying about the sti. He got emotional saying his head was a mess. I told him to delete my number and he left. Im so confused about this. I had left him alone, it was him who wouldnt leave me alone. Even though he is so happy with someone else. Everything is a mess and the worst thing about it all is i still love him

OP posts:

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 05/05/2017 21:25

He will keep on doing this as long as you let him. You need to take the steps everyone has suggested to protect yourself. You say you feel lonely - be your own best friend!

Only when you block him and stop the contact will you be able to start healing from the pain you've been feeling.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 05/05/2017 21:51

I know your all right. Ive stopped contact, i know he is with her and its killing me. I need to stay strong, i know he is no good and we will never get back what i thought we had before. It hurts me to think he is with someone else and so happy

OP posts:

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 05/05/2017 21:58

Have you blocked him on all social media?

Have you changed the locks?

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 05/05/2017 22:00

Yeah ive got him blocked on social media but he admitted to me other day he made a fake profile so he could check up on me. He doesnt have a key to my house

OP posts:

donajimena · 06/05/2017 06:47

How is he still contacting you? He needs to be blocked on everything. If you add his phone number to spam numbers you'll be none the wiser if he tries to ring.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 07/05/2017 09:03

I havent heard from him and i feel a strange sence of calm, dont know how long it will last me feeling like this

OP posts:

charlyn · 07/05/2017 09:31

Seriously dont have any contact with him from now on whatsoever. Hes getting off on manipulating and upsetting you. You need to change your way of thinking and realise you are lucky hes gone and the other woman is welcome to this manuipulative arsehole. He might be nice to her at the moment but trust me when I say it wont last, thats what these types do and he will end up treating her how he treated you.
If he manages to contact you again then you tell him not too anymore or you will go to the police.
Focus on yourself and your lovely children and it sounds like you need to work on your self esteem.
Good luck

MusicIsMedicine · 07/05/2017 15:26

What the fuck?! Change the locks!!!!

TheresARumblyInMyTumbly · 07/05/2017 15:40

You need to take some responsbility for this now.

Ignore him. Block him. Make your social media profiles private so that he can't check up on you.

You can actually stop all of this, you're just choosing not to because part of you is hoping that he's doing it because he loves you and wants you back.

He doesn't. He's enjoying the upset he's causing you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you.

He's being a dick.

QuiteLikely5 · 07/05/2017 15:48

How old are you both?

He sounds immature and pathetic!

He pops in your home whenever he feels like it in case you have a new BF?

Wtf - where is your self respect? Is this the role model you want to expose your child too?

There is a lack of emotional intelligence here.

Wise up and block him or accept that you are fuelling the fire

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 07/05/2017 22:41

I do not let him in my house, i left my back door open for my dogs. And he came through there, i had no idea he was coming. He is blocked on everything, but i fear he has been making fake profiles. But all my privacy settings are tight now. I have blocked his number from calling me but it still comes up in my call log but just doesnt ring. Ive blocked his messages but they still come through with no notification. My next step will be to change my number as anlast resort. I have recieved absusive texts today saying im a fat spotty mess, cheap slag and his girlfriend is gorgeous and a size 8 . How happy he is with her. Yet continues to harrass me. I honestly never ever imagined someone could be so cruel. Im not a nasty person and i have not insulted him once. I dont even recognise what hes turned in to

OP posts:

JK1773 · 07/05/2017 22:56

He sounds absolutely vile. Seems he hid his true colours from you for a long time. At least now you can see what he is, a nasty, insulting, immature idiot. Well done for blocking him, stay strong x

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 07/05/2017 23:24

How could i not see this though?? Or have i made him like this? I mean dont get me wrong he has had tendancies to be emotionally abusive before but not to this extent! Im fat as fuck, a fucking cunt.. alsorts.. disgusting. I wish his girlfriend knew what a vile man she was with

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 07/05/2017 23:29

She will do soon enough.
He won't change.
She'll get the nice him for a little while then he will show his true colours.
He's abusive.
Always has been.
It's nothing you've done!!!

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 08/05/2017 20:38

Im still so devestated!!! Why van he move on so happily and im sat here in bits! Im absolutly gutted, i never thought he would do all this to me

OP posts:

MusicIsMedicine · 09/05/2017 15:25

You did not make him like this.

He is like this because he's a top shelf cunt.

Forget his fake happiness, he is trying to target what he thinks are your insecurities.

The best response is total silence. Stonewall him and do not let him see it is getting to you.

You have had a lucky escape and will see this in time.

Keep the doors locked and move on with your life.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 09/05/2017 19:37

Its so cruel! He has hurt me so much

OP posts:

sillywoman12 · 09/05/2017 22:28

Hi OP I posted before and only caught up now..hope your feeling better but if your not it's okay and normal! Like before your situation is a copy.not sure if you've seen my thread that I posted but my ex also called me ugly..I lost a lot of weight suddenly due to stress so he said I was no longer attractive and ugly and no guy would love me for my looks only to fuck and leave me..my insecurities went to a all time low! I completely understand how you feel about the OW and everything..but YOUR the one in control..it's been about 4 weeks since all this was said and I changed my mindset..I put on my best dress..got my friends to do my make up and hit town! Took lots of pictures and felt a million dollars..I realised at that point it doesn't matter what someone thinks of you it's what you feel or yourself. Your ex sounds abusive and hideous like mines and while I've had NC each days been a battle..but better than the first day. Your in control of this situation and how you feel..train your mind. Every time I start feeling low or feel to contact I think..do I want a future with this person? Or do I wanna be happy..the relationship and my ex won't matter in 10 years down the line..I'll either be happy by myself or with someone else but until I give him space in my head I won't be..about the ugly and fat comment..my friend said this..someone will find Beyoncé fit..another person will find her ugly..everyone has different tastes and attractions..his comment does not validate the billions of people in this world..you sound lovely so chin up! Looks are one thing but it's who you are as a person that defines you and matters..as long as you stay humble you'll always be a beauty!

Changedname3456 · 10/05/2017 08:38

If he keeps messaging you report it to the police. It's harassment now. You've told him you're not interested (I hope) and I assume you've told him to stop contacting you. The police will warn him the first time and will then intervene if he continues the messaging. You need to tell them about him entering your house uninvited too - he cannot be left thinking that he has the right to do that.

springydaffs · 10/05/2017 09:04

Yes this is harassment. Go to the police, 101, keep evidence eg abusive texts, a diary of events with days and times eg him entering your house uninvited (keep this thread as a good record of dates and times).

He is a cunt/psycho and you've found that out now - i'm so sorry, it's not you at all in any way, it's him. You've found out what he's really like.

Do the Freedom Programme. Google it, click 'find a course' to find a course near you. Go. You'll get a lot of excellent support there xx

ferando81 · 10/05/2017 09:21

He sounds crazy.If he's that unhinged now ,imagine the damage he would do to any children you would have together.Cut all contact and move on

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 11/05/2017 21:38

Had a quiet day from him today. Apart from a random text saying something along the lines of 'can you behave with the witheld phonecalls, go ride on someones cock or something'. For the record i most definatly have not rang him, and i have not replied. Makes me cringe when he talks like that. Gross

OP posts:

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 11/05/2017 21:44

Ha. Have a little smug smile to yourself. He's making it up to get you to stop ignoring him.

Continue with radio silence. You're doing great.

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 11/05/2017 21:57

I did think that was what it was but i wasnt sure. I have disabed all my social media now and i noticed this morning he unblocked me on whatsapp (i still have him blocked) strange

OP posts:

Original poster

Itsnotmyday · 12/05/2017 08:35

Still NC. I sort of feel relief that im in control again, but i still want him to contact me. Why?? Because i want to know he is thinking if me. I know its sounds so messed up, please be gentle. Why do i feel a slight dissapointment that he hasnt contacted me? Even when he does comtact me it makes me feel worse. I really dont understand these feelings

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread