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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

social services took my beautiful children

473 replies

user1491683745 · 08/04/2017 21:41

it really is not fair to do it to someone who absolutely loves and adores them they really need me and are probably so unhappy i am so done with life and really really want them with me

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 09/04/2017 15:20

Distance, RTFT.

DistanceCall · 09/04/2017 15:23

Dione, I HAVE read the fucking thread. I got the ages confused. It happens, and I have apologised for the mistake. Wind your neck in.

It's not as if the OP is particularly clear, in any case.

ColourfulOrangex · 09/04/2017 15:31

She has an 11 year old who contacted child line buy also has a 7 and 3 year old

ColourfulOrangex · 09/04/2017 15:31

I hope OP sorts the situation out for her and the children's sake

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 15:33

My daughter came home from school once and told me the people from childline had been at school explaining that they could phone them anytime, even to just tell them they'd had a good day. I found this a tiny bit worrying.

Not all children and teenagers are completely happy with their parents at all times. Not all children make perfect sense or tell the truth all the time. Not all social workers are good. There are massive flaws in the system.

I think most people doubt that children can be taken away for no reason until it happens to them.

loveyoutothemoon · 09/04/2017 15:35

My children were given Childline phone number cards at school and the teachers said they call for ANYTHING. My daughter rang about maths and the emotional effect it was having on her. The fact that someone outside will listen is a great and enables them to get a different perspective. I don't think that because her child rang about bullying and when his grandfather died it means that the OP can't deal with it. Just helps to talk to an outsider.

I think it's an amazing service. He obviously felt scared.

Zoflorabore · 09/04/2017 15:35

Op firstly i am very sorry that you are in this situation, it must be absolutely horrendous-
However, in order to get as much support as possible on here it's helpful to give as much detail as you possibly can.

I have rtft and can see holes in the situation, there must be so much more to it and I hate the ss bashing as I know through a good friend that ss will try everything in their power to work with families and keep them together unless there is such a risk that they could not take the chance.

Past cases of missed interventions of children have meant that social workers are obliged more than ever to take allegations seriously and rightly so.

I hope that your children are returned to you and there is no risk I really do but you need to accept that they have been acting to protect your children as your son has clearly made a very serious allegation.
Surely you have the right to know?

Please get as much help as possible and good luck x

steff13 · 09/04/2017 15:36

I think most people who have their children taken away are loathe to admit that there was a good reason.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 09/04/2017 15:43

Not all children and teenagers are completely happy with their parents at all times

Exactly NameChanger22. School once pulled my DD in because the teacher had noticed a 'mark'. I understand the need to check, even if they don't think anything of it, they still have procedures to follow. Obviously everything was fine (it was an eczema flare up that I hadn't noticed due to where it was Blush ).

Anyway. One of the many questions she was asked was "Do you and your Mum ever fall out?". Tell me what child isn't going to say yes to that question. Confused especially when taken in it's literal sense.

OP, I hope you come back to this thread and take on all the wonderful advice you've been given here.

treaclesoda · 09/04/2017 15:50

How could he retract if someone else had made the disxclosure? he wouldn't know what he is retracting! And do you really think that many children being removed, skip happily off or do you think they plead, retract and beg and cling to their adults?

Well that presumably depends. If you're in fear of your life at home, I'd imagine you'd slip off quite happily because it's a less frightening alternative. If you've been mistreated but actually aren't really living in fear as such (eg neglect) then I'd imagine that you'd beg and plead to be allowed to stay, because it's all you've ever known and change is frightening. And if you're living in a perfectly normal loving family and are being forcibly removed from your parents because in a fit of temper you made an allegation of abuse, you'd probably be so horrified that you'd be hysterical wanting to go back to your parents. I'd expect trained professionals to be able to use their judgement to know which is which, within reason.

NCingforthisweek · 09/04/2017 15:50

NameChanger why is that worrying?? Hmm

treaclesoda · 09/04/2017 15:52

And i didn't mention retracting an allegation that someone else made, because clearly he can't do that if he doesn't know what it is. But I'd guess that before swooping and removing children, someone would at least try to ascertain if an allegation by a third party had any basis.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 15:54

I know one social worker socially and she described two of her fellow social workers as "bullies". She was often in tears because she had to work alongside them. Just in case anyone was under the weird delusion that all social workers are great and wonderful and are only ever in their position of power to help people.

picklemepopcorn · 09/04/2017 15:58

Individual SWs certainly can be all sorts of awful! To remove children without notice though you'd also need a manager, judge etc who agree. To remove them with notice would involve a whole team, including legal representation for the parent and the child.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 15:58

It's a bit worrying because I would have thought childline were busy enough without having millions of children phoning them to tell them they were having a great time. If the lines are blocked with millions of happy children, there won't be a line free for the child that really needs it.

I told my daughter to phone one of her many friends or friend's parents instead if she's having a good day; and if she's being bullied to tell a teacher or someone she knows and trusts, not a stranger on the phone. Or just speak to me.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/04/2017 16:00

My mother worked at one time in the Emergency Placement Dept of Children's Services (in the US) in a support capacity. That is to say, she was not a SW herself. I'm sure things aren't that different in the UK. She used to tell harrowing tales of sobbing children being brought in to wait for transport to an emergency foster home. These children were upset and sobbing whether they had been taken from a vile abusive home, or whether they'd been taken from a 'happy' home in which there was some outside danger the parents couldn't guard the children from.

SS does NOT take these things lightly. Sometimes they end up having overreacted, but it's done because they believe it's necessary.

OP, I agree that it's entirely possible that you haven't done anything to warrant this. But you really must examine everyone around you to see if it's possible that they may present a threat (no matter how impossible it may appear) to one or all of your children.

NCingforthisweek · 09/04/2017 16:00

NameChanger read the posts by the people who work there... The point of Childline isn't just for abuse. I hate that attitude.

FixItUpChappie · 09/04/2017 16:03

yeah well I've met parents who do vile unspeakable things to children in case your under the weird delusion that all parents are wronged and put upon by power hungry social workers namechange. There is not enough information to know really anything at all about this particular situation.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 16:06

The op said her son had been talking to childline for the last two weeks. He is eleven. She also has a seven and s three year old she has not said what he was talking to childline about in the last two weeks, just what he has previously used it for. Whatever was being discussed with childline over the last two weeks is what has led to all three children being removed.

So as such as this was over a couple of weeks it would indicate that lots of questions were asked and an emergency protection order was granted as it was felt the children were at immediate risk of significant harm in that house. the priority was to get them to safety. You can't arrest the adults and leave the kids alone, and you need to err on the side of caution, get the kids to safety and then investigate. As I've said, what ever this little boy was disclosing over the last two weeks was very serious indeed and that's deeply concerning.

Gallavich · 09/04/2017 16:07

acrossthepond the systems in the U.K. and US could not be more different. There is no comparison.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 16:09

You're right, we don't know everything about this case. But, when a rape victim isn't believed and writes on Mumsnet afterwards the standard response is 'we believe you'. Until proven otherwise, I will believe the OP, because it's not inconceivable that she's telling the truth.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 09/04/2017 16:09

Namechanger the only concerning thing is you telling your daughter not to use it if she feels the need to!

When they say about phoning if you're happy, use your blinking sense! They're not suggesting all perfectly happy, social, loved, well adjusted kids phone to pointlessly tell them they are happy every time they are. It's about sharing something, important for those with nobody to share with, don't you think? Someone to say 'well done' when parents or peers don't? Use your brain!

YellowMeadow · 09/04/2017 16:10

I am the previous user poster who used to volunteer at Childline (I found out how to change my username) Blush

NameChanger22, you are so incorrect. Our lines can get very busy, but that's mainly from prank calls. In a 4 hour shift, I used to get around 5 prank calls and maybe not even 1 happy call. But getting a happy call was lovely. Sometimes children have just moved and they need someone to tell that their day has been really good at their new school but feel like their parents are too busy working. We are more than happy to answer calls like that! Like I said before, abuse really isn't the top thing we are called about. It's normally self-harm and bullying. We have changed many childrens' lives by going through conversations with how to tell their mum/dad, etc. I've had people call sobbing about pet goldfish, hamsters, etc. passing away. Of course I can't tell you how to parent, but don't discourage appropriate use of the service... This is why people assume it's for abuse only. Most children who are abused also like to "test the waters" first and see how we are before they actually call. It can even be the same with prank calls, they prank with their friends and then call back later with a reason they want to talk. It's what it's there for, honestly.

Butterymuffin · 09/04/2017 16:21

Just because the eldest has been calling Childline doesn't make it inevitable than Childline have passed this on. It's possible that he's then decided himself to speak to someone else (police?) who have taken action.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 16:23

My daughter has been taught all her life not to talk to strangers. I would much prefer she speaks to someone she knows and trusts if she has any issues. There's nothing concerning about that. I don't know who is on the other end of the line at childline. I'm sure most people are wonderful, but some might not be.