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Original poster

Did your dad never tell you he loved you or that you were beautiful?

228 replies

mackerelle · 02/04/2017 11:17

Assuming you have/had a dad who was around for your entire childhood, did yours never tell you that you were beautiful or that he loved you?
Mine didn't and I don't know how normal that is.
Everything I read about dads says that these 2 things are the most important things a dad can do.

Not a single person told me I looked beautiful on my wedding day either, not even my dad who walked me down the aisle. I'm no great looker but I'm not a troll, you'd think someone would have said that even if they didn't really mean it.

Anyway, that's an aside, but does anyone else have a dad like mine? Is it normal? I know he's emotionally unavailable, but is it just a British stiff upper lip thing?

OP posts:
elelfrance · 03/04/2017 16:19

*Neither of my parents ever said anything like that to me. We're not that type of family.

However, they would walk across hot coals for any of their children and now that I'm pregnant they are already thinking about what they can do to make my life easier.

I've never known what it's like not to have security and total support*

This

My dad would never say either of those things, but his every action proves how much he loves me & my brothers...and now he is the world's greatest grandfather, adored by all his grandkids, even though he doesn't say he loves them to them either

Likeaninjanow · 03/04/2017 16:58

No but, as other posters have said, he shows me through his actions every day. Even now, when I'm 43! He's always wanting to do jobs for me to make my life easier, and he adores my children.

I have absolutely no doubt that he would die for me. I sometimes worry that I love him too much, as friends don't seem to have relationships with their dads that are on the same level.

SenseiWoo · 03/04/2017 17:01

Mine did on a very few occasions. His compliments were usually about something else-intelligence, or being articulate, or good at running or drawing. I think he thought we were beautiful, but it wasn't the thing about us that he was most valued, and I am grateful for that.

Heatherjayne1972 · 03/04/2017 17:23

No not once did He say he loved me /was proud of me / that he thought I was beautiful
Maybe it's an age or generation thing
It don't bother me tbh

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 03/04/2017 17:26

I think, OP, what this thread shows is that there are great dads who don't say either of those things and crap dads who say both, and that saying it only makes a difference if it's backed up by behaviour. Showing is more important than telling, although telling is certainly good if it's meant.

I too am sorry for the distressing number of you who had rotten dads. Flowers

QuiteUnfitBit · 03/04/2017 18:18

I think I can hand you the gavel, UndersecretaryofWhimsey Grin

findingmyfeet12 · 03/04/2017 18:27

I feel sad for a lot of people after reading this thread.

My siblings and I are all grown up but our parents play such a big part in all our lives that I'm terrified of not being able to cope when they're not around anymore. We still display quite childish behaviour around them and expect to be spoiled and pandered to. I dread the day one of them is no longer there.

JustSpeakSense · 03/04/2017 18:35

My dad told me he loved me, that I was clever & funny and that he was proud of me. He said these things a lot.

I don't remember him saying I was pretty or beautiful though.

He was a great dad and very involved in my life.

user1471453601 · 03/04/2017 18:38

Mine never did, but it was the 50"s, so not unusual.

What he did do, which I'll never forget, was to bring me presents from "tinkerbell" every week. Apparently she met him each week while he was coming home from work and sent me a message or a present.

I didn't see my Dad for many years after he and my Mum divorced, and never wanted to see him, but the thought that he "gave" me tinkerbell while I was growing up, I will always be grateful for.

I guess I'm saying that words of love come in many forms. I think tinkerbell was my Dads.

chaplin1409 · 03/04/2017 18:40

Mine has never done either. Never a hug either.

Funnyfarmer · 03/04/2017 18:43

Some people are saying they think it might be a generation thing. My df was born in 1929. I was part of his second family. He already had grown up children when I was born. He was very affectionate and loving. As I said on pp about him saying I was thick. Don't really think that was done out of nastiness. Think he genuinely thought I was I was. He never got involved in my schooling. That was my mum's job.
So when he used to see me pulling doors that clearly say push constantly missplaceing things and forgetting to do stuff he just took that as me being thick.
But I always new he loved me. He told me, showed me and was very generous with cuddles and kisses and you could see how much it upset him if we was hurt, upset or ill.
My mum on the other hand. Born in 1959 ( yes there was quite an age gap) was totally the opposite. Activity cruel with her words. No love or affection. Even admitted she never loved any of us or even liked us.

TheStoic · 03/04/2017 19:00

My dad has never said those things, and never will.

Not sure if he thinks I'm beautiful, but he definitely loves me. He loves by 'doing', rather than saying.

I make a conscious effort to do and say my love to my own kids, though.

writingsonthewall · 03/04/2017 19:07

Nope never said either of those things, even on wedding day. Also very good at criticising and generally hating children while I was growing up.

Jenny2710 · 03/04/2017 20:49

No my dad didn't tell me anything like that. No he withered me with sarcasm and put downs, but I think he loved us but he was the product of a 1940's childhood of alcoholism in his dad and poverty. He died young and my mum still worships him. It took me
30 years to learn how to be an adult with young people I am sure I have a much better relationship with my own kids thankfully.

Jenny2710 · 03/04/2017 20:50

Sadly my dad died before I married but his lovely brother gave me away

mineofuselessinformation · 03/04/2017 21:55

My DDF (yes I meant the D twice) was a man brought up to be 'tough'. I won't even begin to explain what his own childhood was like, but there certainly wasn't much love in it.
He never told I was beautiful, although on my wedding day he made me feel it.
We only really communicated through DM apart from when I visited.
We didn't cuddle, or kiss, or say we loved each other.
We did though, when he was in hospital dying with cancer, until the last few days when it was all too much to talk about - he was just trying to get through and not break down, as was his way.
I wish I could have him back to tell him one last time.

2ducks2ducklings · 03/04/2017 22:22

If my dad did, I don't remember it. However, I've never had any doubt that he does. We're not the touchy-feely, sentimental type of family. We're more of a tease to show you care type of group!

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 03/04/2017 22:25

My parents have never told me they love me, or said much positive tbh. Indont remember any physical contact either. I should probably be on netmums for the hugs Grin but they have provided childcare since my children were born, take us on holiday twice a year at least and my dad phones me every evening for a chat
And to skype the children despite having them all afternoon anyway. People are different.

LellyMcKelly · 03/04/2017 23:07

My dad has never told me either of those things, but I know he does. He has told me he's proud of me, usually at graduations, and when we come home he's thrilled to see us. He's a quiet man, but he's good at hugs, and making sure we have a lift regardless of how far or what time. The fridge is stocked with all our favourite foods, and he's (according to my mum), happiest when his kids and our families get together (we live all over the world so it only happens every 18 months or so) and we're all just sitting in the living room prattling about and teasing each other. He still buys us a selection box at Christmas and notices when we're wearing a piece of jewellery he and my mum bought us for a big birthday or a graduation. Yeah, he loves us.

seriouslydudegivemecake · 03/04/2017 23:25

Gosh I think i am very lucky after reading this thread. My dad always told me i was beautiful and still does. He still tells me and my siblings he loves us and shows it all the time...im 37!! My DSis and i are his screensaver on his phone and i know i can rely on him for ANYTHING!!!

blueistheonlycolourwefeel · 03/04/2017 23:34

My dad was telling my best friend how pretty she was as we were off to a party. So I said "hey dad, what about me?" And he said "you're striking". Still stings 20 years later!

RubyBluesey · 03/04/2017 23:53

My dad never did, never got close to me at all. Hence I have messed up my relationships with men ever since

Sos12332 · 02/02/2020 22:51

No my dad didn’t he really never showed that he did either yes he supported me. I had a roof over my head and shoes on my feet and food. My emotional needs were lacking but both of my parents have B.P.D ( bipolar disorder) he’d constantly compare me to older sister “she got married because she decided to lose weight” “she has a master degree and you still don’t?” Keep in mind he paid for most of her college when I have to work to pay for mine. My mom isn’t much better after all I’m not her baby boy. I ended up cutting ties with my family because it contains so much mental illness and toxicity. They were both mentally and verbally abusive. I was close to 300lbs now I am 160 they decided to try to have a “relationship” with me now that I’m “pretty” and I politely declined Crown Hmm

EllaEllaE · 02/02/2020 23:28

I don't know if he'd ever said I was beautiful, but then he's never made negative comments about my appearance either. However, he says 'I love you' every time we talk. And he is always saying how proud he is of me and my siblings.

He was born in the early 1940s, but he has always been very demonstrative with us children and his wife. He will put his arm around one of us and give us a hug or a sloppy kiss on the forehead in public, even though my brothers are all bigger than him and in their 50s now!

Not all older, working class dads have trouble saying they love their kids.

EllaEllaE · 02/02/2020 23:31

Oh and I will add that my dad's own father was a nasty abusive man who made my dad and his siblings lives hell. So my dad (and my mum for that matter) decided for himself that he would be different. I am humbled and grateful that my parents were able to break the cycle of terrible parenting, and figure out how to give the kind of love they never received themselves.