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Original poster

Did your dad never tell you he loved you or that you were beautiful?

228 replies

mackerelle · 02/04/2017 11:17

Assuming you have/had a dad who was around for your entire childhood, did yours never tell you that you were beautiful or that he loved you?
Mine didn't and I don't know how normal that is.
Everything I read about dads says that these 2 things are the most important things a dad can do.

Not a single person told me I looked beautiful on my wedding day either, not even my dad who walked me down the aisle. I'm no great looker but I'm not a troll, you'd think someone would have said that even if they didn't really mean it.

Anyway, that's an aside, but does anyone else have a dad like mine? Is it normal? I know he's emotionally unavailable, but is it just a British stiff upper lip thing?

OP posts:
CalonGoch · 03/04/2017 10:03

My dad isn't an 'I love you' person but he made it clear from the day my sister and I were born how proud of us he was/is, and how happy we've made him, just by being around. When he wants to be particularly complimentary to me, he tells me I'm the spitting image of my mum, and he absolutely adored her for nearly sixty years. His joy in his family, quietly and in the simplest things, has been one of the lovely anchors in my life. I don't take it for granted.

6cats3gingerkittens · 03/04/2017 11:20

No, but he did hit me a lot.

ravenmum · 03/04/2017 11:33

All I felt was that I was an obligation he had to go out to work and earn money for. He never did want kids and it showed.
Do you still have a chance to ask him if this is how he felt? Or if he ever feels proud, despite not originally wanting kids? Do you think he might regret the way he's acted if he realised that you wished you could be closer?

I wonder how my kids will feel about their dad as they get older. He was excessively focused on his work as they grew up, seeing it as the only contribution he could make to family life without somehow being in competition with me (I worked, but he never saw my job as important like his!). He came home late every night, spent years only coming home at weekends and was generally absent even when he was there. (He also told his gf that he never wanted children with me, though the kids don't know that, fortunately.)

But I imagine they might say he was a good dad. He says the right things at family occasions, demonstratively wiping a tear from his eye as he says how proud he is of his children. I grit my teeth remembering how he supposedly never wanted them, and wonder if people really do think that he is the nicer person out of the two of us, as I don't go for the big statements and keep my tears to myself.

usernoidea · 03/04/2017 11:34

My dad was much more loving
My mum has never told me she loved me x

findingmyfeet12 · 03/04/2017 11:46

Neither of my parents ever said anything like that to me. We're not that type of family.

However, they would walk across hot coals for any of their children and now that I'm pregnant they are already thinking about what they can do to make my life easier.

I've never known what it's like not to have security and total support.

spankhurst · 03/04/2017 11:51

My dad has never to my recollection said that he loved me, or that I'm beautiful. I have always felt loved by him, though, and know that he enjoys my company and is proud of me. I don't think you need to be told you're beautiful to feel loved by a parent, why has beauty anything to do with loveableness?

Efferlunt · 03/04/2017 11:58

Dad certainly told me he loved me a lot, I don't think he ever commented on my looks though. Why would he? He said things like your are clever, kind etc but I imagine he didn't think beauty was some kind of admirable trait he wanted to encourage.

DS1 is very good looking. I'm not totally sure why but I'm careful never to mention his looks to him and I try and avoid him overhearing when someone we are talking to brings it up. I don't want him to base his self worth on his looks or compare himself to his brother who looks very different.

Lotsofponies · 03/04/2017 12:39

Noooooh, I would probably faint if he did, he was a great dad when I was a child, bit crap when I was teenager, but we get on well now I am an adult, he spends hours of his time helping me out, I guess that means more than words. He is just not that way, he has never given my mum a card or present!

Lotsofponies · 03/04/2017 12:40

Noooooh, I would probably faint if he did, he was a great dad when I was a child, bit crap when I was teenager, but we get on well now I am an adult, he spends hours of his time helping me out, I guess that means more than words. He is just not that way, he has never given my mum a card or present!

fruityb · 03/04/2017 12:51

Always said I was beautiful and tells me he loves me every time I speak to him.

We are close and always have been. My mum told me too but was also very blunt if she didn't think I was. I remember buying a skirt when I was 13 and she actually told me "it does nothing for you". I think my body issues come from her as she was always obsessive about weight gain - I remember she put on weight while having cancer treatment and how ugly she felt at size 14 which is the size I was. She died when I was 15 and I have far more mixed emotions than my older sister who was married with two children when she died. They had a mother daughter relationship - I just felt constantly criticised or compared. Sorry gone off on a tangent here - dad always did, mum did sometimes.

Ellisandra · 03/04/2017 13:29

I would have liked it if my father had said he loved me.

There's a hell of a lot more adjectives I'd hope he'd think and say about me before he reached beautiful though.

Funny, kind, clever, brave, thoughtful, reliable...

All things that I choose to be rather than just how I was born.

Katedotness1963 · 03/04/2017 13:29

No, never. He was good at pointing out our faults though. Apparently we had a lot of them.

My husband and I went back to visit them after not being back for about six years. When it was just my dad and me in the house he sat beside me, patted my knee and asked "what's worse than a daughter and a wife?" No, idea, dad. "A daughter, a wife and a son in law". For the first time in my life I spoke up for myself and told him I could guarantee two of the three would not be a bother to him again. I cut him off completely after my mum died.

Happybunny19 · 03/04/2017 14:14

No but he's very good at pointing out the beauty of my half brothers wives on the very rare occasions I see him.

Last time I saw him he met my baby for the first time when she was 7 months old. At least he told her she's beautiful.

He used to be very affectionate when I was very little but pulled away from me when my parents divorced and I moved away. We're never going to have a normal father daughter relationship and I just have to accept that.

Mari50 · 03/04/2017 14:17

My parents have never told me I'm beautiful (which is surprising because I really am haha) but I always knew I was incredibly loved and accepted for who I am.
My dad was a very considered man who didn't make dramatic declarations but I knew he would have my back and support me to hell and back if I needed it.

BoboChic · 03/04/2017 14:18

My father was not a demonstrative man!

DP, on the other hand, is fantastically demonstrative and overtly proud of all his DC and he tells DD that she is beautiful/intelligent all the time. He visibly adores her.

Strokethefurrywall · 03/04/2017 15:00

I am very lucky and blessed to have a dad that ever stops telling us how precious, smart and beautiful we are and how much he loves us, same for our mum.

We're a very demonstrative family, I'm the same with my boys as is DH.

robinia · 03/04/2017 15:16

Nope, neither. Just a dad from a different era I guess. Didn't feel particularly loved by either mum or dad.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/04/2017 15:22

OMG I'm so sad for some of you.

My dad told us he loved us all the time.
When he 1st saw me on my wedding day he balled his eyes out.
I'm late 40's now and we still end every phone conversation or visit with a 'Love you loads' - 'Love you more' type thing.
I'm a proper daddies girl though!

I wish you could all have a dad like mine.
Can't believe some dads out there are so horrid and down right cruel!

ravenmum · 03/04/2017 15:23

patted my knee and asked "what's worse than a daughter and a wife?" No, idea, dad. "A daughter, a wife and a son in law"
Wonder what on earth is going through their minds sometimes...

RapidlyOscillating · 03/04/2017 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CardinalCat · 03/04/2017 15:29

No, he's not the kind of person to say things like that and is quite reserved, as am I. I have never for one minute doubted that he loves me, and is proud of me. We were not raised to think that beauty was necessarily something to aspire to but he has told me that I look smart or elegant in the past. He is always telling me I am clever and strong and a good person, which I guess is his way of saying that he loves me. We're just not L word type people. I suppose it's down to what you're used to in your family, but we are showers rather than sayers.

SpookyPotato · 03/04/2017 15:29

Kate What an evil man. Good riddance Flowers

SwedishEdith · 03/04/2017 15:34

All the time. I felt adored by my dad - I was very lucky there. But he died when I was in my early 20s.

stabbypokey · 03/04/2017 15:52

No, that is way too demonstrative for my family. Always felt loved and supported by both of my parents.

Funnyfarmer · 03/04/2017 15:55

My dm actually grounded me for being ugly