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Original poster

Did your dad never tell you he loved you or that you were beautiful?

228 replies

mackerelle · 02/04/2017 11:17

Assuming you have/had a dad who was around for your entire childhood, did yours never tell you that you were beautiful or that he loved you?
Mine didn't and I don't know how normal that is.
Everything I read about dads says that these 2 things are the most important things a dad can do.

Not a single person told me I looked beautiful on my wedding day either, not even my dad who walked me down the aisle. I'm no great looker but I'm not a troll, you'd think someone would have said that even if they didn't really mean it.

Anyway, that's an aside, but does anyone else have a dad like mine? Is it normal? I know he's emotionally unavailable, but is it just a British stiff upper lip thing?

OP posts:
lasttimeround · 02/04/2017 15:30

My father only ever liked things about me that gave him bragging rights. Grades PhD etc. Then he'll turn up and lap up the praise. How proud he must be, how pleased. Me he ignores and when it's something not good its silent treatment time. I'm in my forties I keep him very low contact. Took me years to realise its him not me. He could be scathing snd scary either criticism and rage. To some degree I preferred the rage. The criticism echoes in my head.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 02/04/2017 15:36

My dad was a good dad in his own way, he provided well for us, encouraged us to read and listen to music, was fab for having an interesting conversation with but am pretty sure he never told me I was beautiful.

He has probably told me he loved me but not that might have been in the things he has done for me rather than with words if that makes sense.

BubblingUp · 02/04/2017 15:42

No never, by word or deed. I rec'd criticism from him or was ignored by him. Then again, I have never said the sentence, "I love you" to anyone either.

itsbetterthanabox · 02/04/2017 15:44

My dad tells me he loves me.
He doesn't tell me I'm beautiful. Well maybe at like big events like prom and when I get married he will.
It'd be weird for him to just comment on my appearance on the regular.

EBearhug · 02/04/2017 15:45

He has only ever commented on my appearance in a negative way, and his response to my GCSE results (7 As and 2 Bs) was "What went wrong?"

I had that from my mother, "Why is that one a B?" At least it made me realise that whatever I did was never going to be enough, not even near perfection, so there was no point trying to impress her, just do stuff for myself.

Several years later, we were in Birmingham for one of my cousin's wedding. I drove her there, and round the city. After we were back in our respective homes, she commented, "actually, your driving''s not bad." My sister and I were both struck by it, because anything approaching a compliment from her was so very, very rare.

I'm not sure it matters whether it's your mother or father, if you've got a parent like that.

Jaagojaago · 02/04/2017 15:52

No never. Would be totally unusual in my culture.

My dad was and remains my fiercest cheerleader supporter and most wonderful mentor who loves me enormously and is proud of me till he could burst.

MarianneM · 02/04/2017 15:56

No!!!

He never told me that he loved me and it took me to about age 35 to realise I was pretty!

Spiralblanket · 02/04/2017 16:01

No, he's told me he's proud of me a few times though

MarianneM · 02/04/2017 16:02

I love this!!!

Every day I think
I'm in my 40's, still get lots of hugs.
Mum said he was a new age Dad.
He's awesome

MyGastIsFlabbered · 02/04/2017 16:04

My dad always used to tell me aged 16 (when I was a typical rebellious teen with a nose piercing, DMs and dyed black hair) that I'd never get a boyfriend.

He still comes out with stuff like that. Recently we were talking about online dating and he said 'well you're not exactly the best catch are you?' Hmm

BadToTheBone · 02/04/2017 16:06

My dad never told me I'm beautiful, it's not a quality he appreciates, he wouldn't really see it as a compliment, iyswim. He tells me he loves me at appropriate times and shows me in everything he does. He's the best dad ever.

tinypop4 · 02/04/2017 18:26

It wasn't something he said to me no. But he was a good parent and showed his love- I know he thought was beautiful and that he loved me.
DH says it to our DD frequently though - he is more verbal about it than my dad was.

Destinysdaughter · 02/04/2017 18:28

The ONLY compliment I ever got from my dad was when, after my DM had had a stroke and was in a home, I'd gone round to make him Sunday lunch. He said to me, you'll make someone a nice wife one day...

Fuck you dad, I've,never been a skivvy like you treated my lovely mum.

Lessthanaballpark · 02/04/2017 18:34

I would cringe if my dad told me I was beautiful.

He doesn't tell me often to my face that he loves me but my mum is always telling me that he thinks I'm great. And he definitely shows his love for me in his actions. He does so much for me.

TroysMammy · 02/04/2017 18:37

Mine never said that and no hugs or kisses either. He doesn't talk to me much unless it's about tomato plants and spuds.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/04/2017 18:40

My df never told me he loved me but l never doubted it. His face lit up when l came in the door. He ried on my wedding morning. Well we both did as we left our home. He always introduced me to his frienxs with great pride in his voice. He was an extremely hard worker and always put his family first. He is dead now but everytime l pass his photo l smile. Best dad.

Robinkitty · 02/04/2017 18:46

My dad has never said those words but I always knew he loved me, he was an amazing father but not emotionally expressive in that way. He showed me he loved me, didn't need to say it.

defineme · 02/04/2017 18:49

My df died years ago, but dm did say recently that they'd always said how beautiful i was as a teenager and I said why didn't you tell me and she said i wouldn't have listened!
It's a generational and cultural thing, I think it's very very modern and recent to profess your love for your children or even praise them very much.
It's not a measure of a dad. My dad looked after me, was interested in me, made me feel safe, built me a go cart, put up with my apalling teen behaviour. ..i think that all showed love. As for beautiful, I think parents are equally responsible for building self esteem, which looks is part of, and neither of them did, but I don't think they valued physical attractiveness much and neither do I really...
I think it's a trite cliche really, but I understand why you'd feel bad if your dad was inadequate.

MyPerfectCousin · 02/04/2017 18:50

No.

He didn't tell me he loved me. I don't know if he did. He never said I was beautiful, but then I'm not, so why would he?

NotJanine · 02/04/2017 19:19

My dad has never told me I'm beautiful (I'm not) He has told me he's proud of me and that I'm a kind, lovely person and a great mum. That means a lot more.

museumum · 02/04/2017 19:21

My dad has never told me I'm beautiful. He wouldn't really comment on my looks. He's told me he's proud of me and I'm clever and strong and has always been unfailingly supportive.

I don't remember him saying he loves me but I always felt loved. Sometimes it's not about the words but actions.

QuiteUnfitBit · 02/04/2017 19:24

Sometimes it's not about the words but actions. This!

I hate all this emphasis on how important it is to be beautiful. When did that happen??? I'd be creeped out if DH said to our DD (15) she was beautiful. Who cares whether you are beautiful or not. Grin In our family, we've always gone with "who cares what you look like", just get stuck in and do what you want. DD is beautiful, but absolutely doesn't care if her hair's a mess etc, doesn't spend hours doing selfies, is totally confident, has high self esteem etc, and I love that.

Billybonkers76 · 02/04/2017 19:24

Nope, I knew he did though.

Longwalkoffashortpier · 02/04/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wannabehermit · 02/04/2017 19:29

Telling me he loved was the last thing he said to me before he became too unwell to speak and died about 36 hours later.

He wasn't a perfect dad, but i think he did his best. He wasn't really brought up to show love through what he said but by being a good provider.