Did your dad never tell you he loved you or that you were beautiful?

[mackerelle]

Assuming you have/had a dad who was around for your entire childhood, did yours never tell you that you were beautiful or that he loved you?
Mine didn't and I don't know how normal that is.
Everything I read about dads says that these 2 things are the most important things a dad can do.

Not a single person told me I looked beautiful on my wedding day either, not even my dad who walked me down the aisle. I'm no great looker but I'm not a troll, you'd think someone would have said that even if they didn't really mean it.

Anyway, that's an aside, but does anyone else have a dad like mine? Is it normal? I know he's emotionally unavailable, but is it just a British stiff upper lip thing?

Told me a loved me yes but never said I was beautiful, he was a massive piss taker so it was usually the opposite -not sure he realised what that did to a teenage girl but there you go.
DH is far more expressive than my dad was & regularly tells the DC how much he loves them.

My dad always told me how lovely I was and how clever (am neither!). And how proud.
I have very high self esteem and never ever put up with any mild bullshit from men. I knew how they should behave so I wasn't about to put up with any nonsense.
I think both parents helped me with that. My mum also would point out good and bad men, in terms of general behaviour.
I also had some excellent respectful male teachers who were also good role models.
It doesn't just have to be a father.

My father has never said he loved me or said I was beautiful.
He only noticed my existence when other men began to notice me - then, I was under strict control as an item of property. When at eighteen I got a boyfriend and went away with him for a weekend, my father stopped speaking to me until after my boyfriend and I married. I mean, stopped, completely. He had given me so little attention up until that point that I didn't notice until after the wedding, when he suddenly asked me to pass him the salt and I realised he hadn't spoken to me for over two years.
I saw him today. He's 84 and I see him most days, for two hours, so that he isn't alone all the time. Sometimes we have watched family reunion programmes on television, and seen adopted children hug their birth parents. I've sat there and thought 'Here's my dad, he's never hugged me.' I don't know what he's thought about it. He loves the family next door. He keeps Christmas cards from the mother (she's my daughter's age) on which she's written 'To our wonderful friend and neighbour'. I could write a book. I don't. Like the people on 'Stately Homes', I carry on trying to be a good daughter.

Not that I can remember TBH.
But he told me all that in different ways, by being there, by supporting me no matter what.

I think words can be cheap TBH.
It's easy to say to a child/adult child thatbthey are beautiful, thatbyou love them etc...
It's much harder to actually show it with your actions. And those are the Ines that actually matter IMO.

No he didn't but I knew he did though.

*I too, do not put up with bullshit from men.

Neither of my parents ever said I was pretty, never mind beautiful. They also, to my best recollection, ever said they loved me. Or my three brothers. But somehow I knew they did. It was very seventies parenting, quite slack sometimes and not a huge amount of interest in my life.

Dad had a 'manly' sort of job and very much favoured my three brothers because they shared interests and so on. It's strange because it was only later I realised how unusual it is to be the only daughter and not placed on any pedestal.

I'm completely secure in my parents' love and affection, they just aren't demonstrative people.

Not that I can remember, but I'm sure he would have done when I was little.

Now, he probably wouldn't think it appropriate - he's not a flowery sort of man, but I know he loves me and would walk over broken glass for me. Actions speak a lot louder than words and he has been there for me more times than I can list, over the years.

My mum left when I was four and it was just me and dad for a few years. We're closer than any other father/daughter relationships I know and he's my absolute biggest fan.

He's the first to tell me I'm beautiful and funny and that he loves me. We talk pretty much everyday and DFiance comments all the time how it's obvious my DF loves me most.

I don't think that that saying it necessarily means anything unless they show you it but it honestly breaks my heart that so many people don't have good relationships with their dads.

Mine didn't, but that doesn't make me feel he loved me any less. He did on my wedding day though and also when I was a bridesmaid at my Dsis wedding. I know he's always been proud of me regardless.

TBH I don't think my DH says it to our DDs, but when they are dressed up, he says "You look lovely or you look very nice". Not the word beautiful specifically.

My father never has and never would say those things but it doesn't matter because I know he thinks I'm wonderful anyway. He didn't compliment me on my wedding day either but again he didn't need to.

I think all these 'love yous' at the end of phone calls and bigging people up is a recent thing and my parents' generation would never talk like that. We were brought up to be modest .

Mine tells me he loves me every phone call I have with him. I must be lucky!

I can't remember my dad ever saying I was beautiful, and I can't think of a specific time he said he loved me but I know he does. Whenever I've needed help he has provided it. He has told me I am clever, brave and hardworking (rarely, but it means more when he does say it). He has my back and he pushes me to go for things when I lack confidence. He wouldn't tell me I was beautiful (even if I was) as that's not an achievement or a strength in his eyes. He treats me exactly as he treats his sons even though I'm the only girl, and I appreciate that - no double standards and no special treatment.

My mum on the other hand always says she loves me, whenever she sees me. She has always described me as beautiful, but she's biased because I look like her ;')

No never and just really realised about ten years ago that I never felt loved. We were looked after, fed and clothed but that was it. My mother kept saying children should be seen but not heard. I suppose I had issues but managed to work it out for myself.

I tell my Dad I love him every time I speak to him and he tells me too.

The last time he told me I was beautiful was my wedding day 12 years ago. He always called me "pet" when I was little and still calls it me now sometimes.

My father is emotionally retarded. Never said anything remotely endearing to me or hugged me. The thought that he had any influence on my self esteem growing up would never have ocurred to him. He can't relate to my daughters either.
My mum doesn't say she loves me out loud - but will in a card. But I have always felt I'm loved by my mum. My father on the other hand, I always felt I was an inconvenience to him. I loathe the man.

No never. But I know they did the best they could at the time. Not perfect by a mile but neither am I with my kids.

My dad is quite stoic but told me before I got married that I "was a beautiful person, inside and out with more fire in my belly than the gates of hell and more love in my heart than water in the ocean". I then promptly cried

Not that i can remember, but agree with all the others saying that it is a very odd way to measure how loving your dad was.
I (we) all grew up knowing we were very very loved, and that he was very, very proud of us all.
Might be generational, but i don't think many folk of my parents generation (would have been well into 80s now) did 'speak' their emotions like I hear people doing now. Doesnt mean they didnt show love in their actions though.

I didn't grow up with my dad but have always kept in touch. I don't think he's ever said either thing, but neither has he ever said anything bad or given me the impression that he doesn't love me. He does seem to see me as a weird alien being, but I think he sees lots of people that way. I remember telling him something about the etymology of a word and him asking "Oh, do you like languages, then?" Um, yes, that's why I have a degree in one language and now work as a translator in another :)

I don't tell my children they are "beautiful" but I do make positive comments on specific aspects of their appearance - "you have nice broad shoulders", "you have good teeth" or their character - "you are a helpful person". My parents never said I was attractive, but I remember my mother once saying I should enter a beauty contest at a seaside resort. When I said I wouldn't she said "why not?", which I just perceived as unpleasant, as what was I supposed to reply - "because I am too ugly"? I'd rather she hadn't said anything, or had commented on something more realistically. My neighbours back then used to comment on my shiny hair, for instance, and I did indeed have shiny hair :) My mother didn't find herself attractive, though, so didn't like the subject at all or know how to approach it.

Lord above, no! We didn't really get on when I was a stubborn, belligerent teen and he was a stubborn, belligerent man.
However I do know he sees me as cut from the same cloth as him and he likes and trusts me and is proud of me.

Mine did neither.

On his death bed I said "you know I love you don't you dad?" He nodded. He couldn't even bring himself to say it back then.

My Dad has told all of us that he loves us many many times, he has also told me and my sister that we 'very good looking girls' and my brothers that they are handsome.......... We're not! He was and is a really really good Dad/Grandad and sometimes, when he is with the grandchildren he genuinely looks like he will burst with pride, my Mum says he was like that with all of us. He was born to be a Dad I think. He's bloody brilliant.