Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread, not very imaginative title sorry! I can't remember how to link - having a blank moment.

Glad you slept better daisychain.

Hoping for a nice day here for the fair, it's in the next village and over 900 years old. Our school yr 6's do the maypole at the beginning so ds2 has to be there, then the scout group help run the burger stall and we are all rota'd on for that.
I've gone most years since we moved here.
Last year John was waiting for the results of his endoscopy and CT scan - we were 99.9% certain it was cancer from the endoscopy consultant (who said it was a large mass and while he'd taken biopsies to confirm it was cancerous he was almost certain that it was) but didn't know whether there was secondaries or what it was all going to mean. I told a few people at the fair (John wasn't feeling well and stayed home) and one of them walked round with me for an hour or so just handhold-ing me really - she wasn't a close friend but has become so over the last year, she has been wonderful.
I'll probably see people today who won't know he's died, some who won't know he was ill or that we got married.

Hardly any rain at all - it's still dry under bigger shrubs.

Cake - where are your parents that they have water restrictions? Australia? California??

Hope the sun shines on your fair, chasing & hope it's not too painful having to update people. Your new friend sounds lovely.

I hope you can enjoy the day, Squirrels, even though it will be tinged with sadness. It's another one of those anniversaries, isnt it . Big hugs, stay positive, you're doing so well. Are you feeling all set to return to work?

I love village fetes, it normally rains, everyone is shivering, and trying to stop the gale force winds from blowing their stalls away, but there is a fantastic British "Keep Warm and Carry on Fête-ing" about it . Our Carnival in the first week of June is a feat of endurance, but we absolutely love it and everyone in the village turns out in force. I always manage to find a nice plant or two for the garden, and last year there was a lady doing home made Greetings cards.

Chasing hope you manage to enjoy the fair, it must hurt having to tell people who don't know.

I'm going up the graveyard today, it's a nice day here so we will have a walk. It's a beautiful place although there has just been another theft from the baby section (just seen in the local paper) so I want to check everything is as it should be.

Morning, just signing in.
Juan - thinking of you xx
The family stayed over last night, and they have just nicely gone. So feet up, and a bit of peace and quiet now .
Nash on the rain front magi -we didn't get any at all, its just grey now. So I went out and watered all the little seedlings I have out. The wind has battered a few things , but basically all okay for now.
daisy - thats an interesting circle of comfort in -dump out - and helpful to visualise. - Glad you managed some sleep too.
Chasing - another emotional hurdle to leap, but each time you do something like this makes the next hurdle that little bit easier for you to deal with, hopefully
Unborn - hope it all okay up there
Bitty day here today - we have DGS tomorrow, so just a bit of this and that to get things tidy, and ready for a busy day tomorrow.

Afternoon ladies

Chasing hope you managed to have a good time at the fair despite it being a major hurdle for you. Hope everyone was kind to you.

Well the attic is done! Ds2 and I did it, well he had to leave halfway through due to the dust 😀

Everything I am keeping is back up there thankfully less than there was 😀

What a mess😲 and we had a huge tarp over stuff to drag downstairs and shake out. Cue hoovering upstairs and the stairs.

D's and I had showers and went off for coffee and cake as a reward😀 ds1 did as little as poss passing stuff up to me and hoovering and putting washing out and then his friend came round so that was that. Teens can't live with them can't lock them in the cupboard under the stairs till they become human again!

No rain here today for a change. Pretty warm but not actually sunny. Hope everyone having as good a bank hol as possible.

Sounds like a job well done Willow you deserved the cake - and I actually did LOL at not being able to lock teens under the stairs!

Evening, hope everyone is OK.

Willow good job on your attic. I daren't even open the hatch to mine, I reckon we'd need a skip to get rid of all the stuff we don't need. That made me laugh about putting teens under the stairs as well. Thankfully mine have outgrown that stage and are back to being human.

I miss traditional English village fetes, we don't really have them here. It's been a gorgeous day, officially the first day of summer here in Ireland. Summer here normally just means the rain is warmer, but it really is warm & sunny today.

Evening Aunties. Magi, that was such a lovely lovely message you wrote last night, thank you for saying such nice things are you sure you haven't mixed me up with someone else? I don't feel as if I'm comfortable in my own skin - perhaps I came across as if I was then because I had someone who always, no matter what, had my back. But you are very right in that Mark would have wanted only good things for us all, and it made me cry (but in a good way) when you said I had painted a wonderful picture of our love. I'm so glad I have done that.

Squirrels how did the fair go? It's horrible encountering people who don't know what's happened isn't it? I feel bad for them! Did it happen at all today or were you spared that? That circle of grief model is interesting daisy and makes a lot of sense. I don't want to be at the centre though - hate being the centre of attention! Ah well, some things you can't do anything about. I'm glad the Phenergan helped you get your sleep back on track.

Unborn hope all was well up at the graveyard? What sort of person steals thing from a graveyard. book I'll be amazed if you actually really did have a quiet day- you don't seem to me to be a quiet day type! Willow it seems you got a big job out of the way today, such a fab feeling to achieve something like that.

Dd, ds3 and I went out to lunch today and for a wander round the shops. Poor ds got dragged round such places as HomeSense and TK Maxx but he was paid well in chocolate for his patience. Dd is moving in with her boyfriend in July/August so she has started buying bits and pieces - I will be so sad when she goes :(. I'm not feeling quite as despairing tonight as I was last night but I do feel a bit despondent. I have a fairly busy week ahead though so that should help take my mind off things.

Squirrels how are you doing with admin/bureaucracy? I think I'm nearly sorted now although still waiting for Mark's work pension to be sorted. Still have the cars to sort as well but there's no great rush for that. Selena I hope this is a positive week for you and your dh.

Hi all

Been another busy day here.

Magi they are in SA

Hope that it wasn't too daunting a day at the fair Squirrels - sounds like a mix of good and painful.

Unborn how awful/worrying - hope all was well.

Juan good luck with sorting all the admin, sounds such a drag on top of all the other things you need to cope with.

The fair was good. Didn't talk about John. Watched the maypole, full on at the burger stall for a few hours then walked round the fair with the same friend from last year chatted to a few people, then caught up with ds2 playing a few games and came home. And some sun and no rain.

Legs aching from biking there - it's not far!! John and I had started biking (a very little bit) for some exercise a few years ago and we're doing a 30 minute circuit once or twice a week in the summer, but I don't think I've biked since last Mayday!

Am at people messing up the cemetery. Just who??

Juan - admin is a mess, long story but lots of things to sort out and while I pretty much know what needs doing now, I haven't actually done very much of it. It will get sorted in the end...

Evening
I hope everyone is doing okay.
Juan - well, quiet for me :) but I did potter in the garden, and manage to break a tine in a new stainless steel fork- I'm honestly not that strong ( but obviously the bluebells I was attacking are!). Its good to hear you are just about on top of the paperwork - it seems to be never ending at times ( and sorry to see your admin is not going so well Chasing) .
I spent years not going into our loft - my DH is a true hoarder , but we had a set of loft ladders put in a couple of years ago, so we have managed to sort out a lot of stuff. However, we do appear to be the safe residing storage for a lot of both DD's things .I wonder if we are ever going to be allowed to get rid of the Sylvanian family mansion, plus all the furniture and families? .
Chasing - well done for biking though - the last time I was on mine a couple of months ago, I fell off and gave my knee such a crack, that I haven't been on it since .

Thank you Juan and big HI to everyone.

My 'clever' idea of Ensure and now Fortisip drinks for some easy nutrition has totally backfired in all senses of the word. I've just Googled it and diarrhoea seems to be a known side effect, which seems a bit odd to say the least! Some reckon that Weetabix breakfast drink far better so maybe worth a try.

The Thursday Oncology appointment is looming large on the horizon. DH has convinced himself that nothing further can be done and 'he can't carry on like this'. Not helped either by hearing a good friend of his has died.

If it's not one thing, it's another.

oh Selena ((hugs))

Good night all
will try to pop in tomorrow - have DGS to run after ...
Thoughts and Prayers xx

That sounds really tough Selena and he and you will be in my thoughts.

Ibe just been catching up on the last page or two and all you news Juan and Squirrels* and am glad most seem to have had a more-positive-than-not May Day.

Well done for posting that circle of support diagram daisy. I remember finding it very helpful when I was shown it.

Selena
Hope the wheatabix drink works, nothing is ever as easy as it should be is it? Keeping everything crossed that the oncology appointment brings better news than your dh thinks.

Jaun glad you had a better monday. Sounds like a nice day out with the kids.

Chasing the fair sounds like a nice day out too. Havent been to one is years. Used to help organise the school summer fair but it was so much work and all the paperwork! Was always the same people organising it and it took months of our time so we stopped doing them.

Just popping head around the door.
Hope all is well xx

Afternoon been a bit hectic here

Book I'd take Sylvianians off your hands

Sending you and DH big hugs for Thursday Selena

Been out for a walk and a chat with a friend and little ones in the bright sunshine which was just lovely...

Hope you're OK Juan and Squirrels

Selena I'll be thinking of you both on Thursday (and before) then too. What time on Thursday is your appointment. Squirrels I'm glad the fair was ok, and I'm with you on the aching muscles. I've been trying to walk everywhere as much as possible - I hope it's doing some good but the only discernible difference so far is sore feet!

I was walking home from town earlier and a van drove past and hooted. My days of being beeped at are long over thank goodness so was surprised, but even more so when the van stopped. Turned out to be the man who'd done our en suite at the end of 2015. He'd recognised me and stopped to say hi and to offer me lift home. Unfortunately for him I'd just been sat crying in the park and was still tearful - there was no hiding it (what with my waterproof mascara proving to not be very waterproof after all) so I ended up telling him all about what had happened. He was shocked but so lovely - drove me home, came in and made me tea and then - best bit (!) insisted on checking out why the shower he'd installed wasn't draining properly! Well he did ask! And it only took him ten minutes to sort. And he showed me how to do it in future. It sounds silly to say but it had actually been bothering me as to how to sort it (especially as other bathroom has a big leak) - it seemed to small a job to call someone in for but all my attempts to sort it hadn't worked. So actually quite a big weight off!

And after that I did an hour or so of gardening - although I think calling it gardening is probably overselling it somewhat. "Pulling bits of greenery that I hoped were weeds out" is closer to the mark! book and magi you need to take me in hand :)

That's so lovely of him Juan, and I know what you mean about the little things.

I've made a start of getting some of the estate admin issues sorted today, so that's good.

Back still aching - I was standing on the burger stall for a few hours and standing always makes my back ache, plus my period just started which again makes my back ache. Should hopefully be a bit better tomorrow. Legs also feeling where I cycled, I think I need to get back into cycling once or twice a week particularly as the weather is getting better. The maybe swimming in the winter, hmm will see!

Yes, isn't it the little things? Like the Breakfast Host man at the hotel always making sure an easy access table was available. Like the Yodel, Amazon, DHL and DPD drivers always asking how he is, and if I'm not in, just leave in the porch so he's not disturbed.

And others not so good

11 15 is the supposed appointment time on Thursday.

You're all making me feel guilty, not even started on the garden yet. Bought some Weetabix drink and another milk concoction for him to try.

You need to tuck yourself up somewhere Squirrels with a hot water bottle, a cup of tea and a good book. Do you feel better for having started the admin? I've got to the point now where I just try to sort one issue a day or make one phone call or write one letter etc. I still feel I've made progress but without feeling overwhelmed.

Selena I hope the weetabix stuff helps.

I just had a look at that thread about how you think your marriage would fare if you got really ill. Made me cry :( We'd only been seeing each other for a matter of weeks before Mark was diagnosed with end stage renal failure. He tried to get me to walk away, said he'd understand if I didn't want to get involved. It didn't even cross my mind - not because I'm some wonderful human being, but because already I loved him and knew he was special.

The friday before Mark died I had a headache. He made me tea, kept asking after me, text me several times when he was on his dialysis machine to check I was ok. This is the man who had life limiting, long term and serious illness. Who died less than three days later. Worrying about me with my silly bad head. It breaks my heart to read of the uncaring unkind people there are out there. It really does.

Hearing how much Mark, John and Selena's DH are missed and loved and cared for shows the best side of relationships though. That should be what people aspire to and you have modelled that to your DC and your wider circle.

Love to you all.