Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread, not very imaginative title sorry! I can't remember how to link - having a blank moment.

Oh I didn't know you were pregnant Unborn - congratulations, that's lovely news. I didn't know did I? Suddenly worrying you told me ages ago and I'd forgotten. I can well imagine you being anxious, what horrific losses you've suffered, I'm so sorry. How many weeks are you now?

books that sounds like such a lovely day, I wish you lived near me so I could turn my garden and kitchen over to you. You sound like such a domestic goddess! Yes perhaps the headache is a sleeping tablet hangover, I'll be sure to drink plenty.

I seem to know a lot of people - I think having four children has done that. But I'd only call a handful of them proper true friends, although so many people have come through for me since Mark died. And not always the ones you'd expect. Have you found that squirrels? I don't really feel like I have the energy (or the desire to be honest) to go out and make new friends now, but if any came my way I certainly wouldn't turn them down.

UnbornMortificado your post made smile at the willy part, until I read on about your losses - it be very hard as you go through this pregnancy

I always say I'm still lucky I have two healthy DD's which is more then some people are lucky enough to have.

I'll relax when he's here, no Juan I won't have mentioned it don't worry. Even if I had I think you've had more to think/worry about.

It was 2 and 3 years ago and I'm at peace with it now. I don't think it's ever possible to "get over" (sorry that's shit terminology, hope you know what I mean by that) a big bereavement but I think you can be happy again just a different happy.

Hi juan, she's 39 and her dh was 38. They have an 8yr old boy. I still can't quite believe it. I've been round today and will be seeing her tomorrow. He had Lung Cancer and hated smoking, it's so unfair that anyone has to go through this. She's got so much paperwork to go through and call centres don't seem to be very sensitive to anyone going through this which is so frustrating. You ladies are so lovely and supportive to each other, I'm definitely going to tell her about this when the time seems right. Thank you so much for your help xx

Hi Juan. I agree on finding out who your friends are when things like this happen. Some people I used to be quite close to just... couldn't cope I think, for whatever reason. They gradually drifted off, whilst I grew much closer to various other friends.

Unborn you're having a boy - congratulations! I know it's worrying for you and I hope you have a good medical team monitoring you?
And... snap! We're having a boy, too.

Hardly a domestic goddess Juan - looks around frankly 'comfortable ' ie 'untidy' living room .... I only do what I enjoy, and makes me happy. I spent many years chasing around like a mad thing , so now I'm retired , that is my mantra .
Unborn - you can accept, but never forget .

x post - congratulations Somer

Some people think things like bereavement can be contagious I think. I also think others struggle with what to say.

Somer I've had a cervical stitch put in and seeing the consultant (who's amazing) every fortnight. Massive, massive congratulations xxx

Unborn I knew from other threads that you were pregnant, glad the pregnancy is going well for you. Congrats to you and to Somerville too

Juan glad you've had a nice day, how lovely of your DD to organise lunch with her friend's DM. It gets harder to make friends when you are older I think. My own circle of close friends seems to be getting smaller these days, although I have lots of acquaintances.

I prescribe lots of Maltesers and plenty of water this evening to wash down that sleeping pill. Wishing you a restful night x

Hello all, just checking back in. Been a bit mad busy here won't bore you too much

Baby news is exciting - didn't realise you are PG to Somer (I cyber stalked your shall I shan't I with Lovely from the start)

Unborn I hope that all goes smoothly for you and you get to hold him in your arms soon but not too soon

Juan and Squirrel I'm glad to hear you two are doing OK. Hope that you get a bit more sleep tonight Juan

I got signed off from CBT yesterday so that's a good thing.

Off to bed now as we're heading for a theme park tomorrow morning, then I need to make sure everything is in place for the week like homework, lunch boxes, provide tea and make sure the house is clean and tidy. Exhausted even just thinking about it all.

Those of you with older ones, when did the hormones set in? DD was awful today She has a lot on her plate so I try and cut her slack, but she made me see red a few times today!

Good news on being signed off Cake.
Ds1 is 14 and was very hormonal around the 12/13 mark. He is just lovely at the moment, although I suspect some of that is our circumstances.

Cake -< riffles through memory banks > - about 11/12 with both my DD - though younger was more of a hide in the bedroom and sulk than angry IYSWIM

Thank you for the congrats. Unborn and I are due around the same time, I seem to recall.

Hope you're doing okay tonight, Juan.

Time for me to head to bed.
Hope you all sleep well, and the pills work Juan
Thoughts and prayers xx

Lovely to have two new lives being nurtured on the thread!

I think my three big ones went through their most difficult phases between 14-16. Difficult to remember now.

I'm desperately sad tonight, can't stop crying. I feel alone even though I'm not. And I don't know what my future looks like any more. I miss him so very very much.

Oh Juan ((hugs))
No words of wisdom but, if your sleeping tablet hasn't kicked in yet, I'll share my packet of Malteasers with you. And, as DD will testify, I don't normally share them with anyone.

I'm sorry that you were so sad last night. Wish I could give you a hug...

Thanks for the reassurance that it's normal. She's close to 11 but tall so think the changes will be happening sooner rather than later.

Will check in with you later Juan hope that the tablet gave you some rest and relief from the pain. to get you going x

Morning
((hugs)) Juan . I always think grief comes in waves. You bumble along and suddenly you get the big 7th one, which sweeps you off your feet.
Shoulder to lean on here, and a hand to hold

I think we were together in the sadness last night Juan.
I too spent the evening, and too long into the night, crying and missing John.
I've just looked at his side of the bed and asked why he isn't here.

Morning lovely Aunties. Thank you for comforting words. Squirrels sorry you were feeling it too, it's so hard isn't it? I sleep on Mark's side of the bed now, but I often look around our bedroom and ask him where he is, it's incomprehensible. I woke up to a long text from my friend (who was widowed ten years ago) talking about the night her husband died - that also really upset me :(. Ah well, hope we all have a good Sunday.

Does anyone else find kindness hard? We're hopefully going away for 3 nights on Wednesday and I phoned the hotel to ask for easy access, said my DH was terminally ill. Felt I was (almost) holding it together. 'Oh, I'm so sorry for you both' came the reply.

Tears. Tears. I'm off again now just thinking about it!

Just popping in to say hallo - glad you had a better sleep, Juan.

Morning Selena, I've been thinking of you. Yes I find kindness hard - it invariably reduces me to tears. I've taken to saying, tongue in cheek but meaning it really, "don't be nice to me, I'll cry". How is your Dh? And how are you feeling? I hope your days away will be restful for you both.

Morning magi :).

Yes Juan I said that when I emailed everyone with the news, adding 'Don't be kind, just buy me coffee'.

One of my German friends replied that she's a bit too far away to take me out for coffee, so she could only be kind. Tears!!

DH is not too good and I'm going to get him a GP appointment tomorrow or Tuesday just for a check re breathlessness, etc. and push harder, ie ram, for the OT assessment. It's so hard to know which is Oncology, which is GP. Actually so much more reassuring when he was having chemo, as there was a hotline telephone no.

The sun is shining, I'm going to make his porridge then take myself off for a bracing walk on the prom - and maybe a or . I can live dangerously!

Hi ladies
Sorry you have had down times Juan and Chasing but also good times too.

Unborn & Somerville congratulations Unborn so sorry for your losses so heartbreaking. Loving your d's playing with his willie during the scan.😀

As for teens and hormones my eldest started about 13 getting worse at 14 and just hit 15 and is no better. Most of the time lovely but when he blows it's something to behold😲 Doesn't help he is bigger than me now but I am a stubborn ol' coot and don't back down 😀

Lovely day here been out with ds2 had to get him trainers for school and some clothes he is growing out of everything but is such a skinnymalink its fun getting stuff to fit. Went for coffee and cake too, lovely. Much better than yesterday was in a real downer. Worst birthday In history. I think I might need a visit to gp to give me a kick up backside pill😀
Selena hope you have a lovely few days away with your dh.