A safe place for people with crap mothers, in the run up to mothers day

[pocketsaviour]

Last year I remember feeling very conflicted on mumsnet around the whole mothers day deal.

Lots of threads inviting "Share the best lesson your mum has taught you!" and when I replied "how to take a punch from your dad" it was a bit of a mood killer :(

So this is a safe place for all of us with damaging mothers to freak the fuck out make plans for M-Day which will keep ourselves sane and healthy.

I have no relationship with my so called mother and for good reason, yet this day is still tough for me. It reminds how as a child I always tried to be good to her on Mother's Day only to be rejected and beaten for it. I was just never good enough for her. She was always good to my siblings and affectionate towards them, so I always thought that if I was like them she would love me too. Eventually when I was eight, she tried to kill me and I was taken into care.
Now that I have my own children, I can see she was just an evil woman, playing divisive games with her children, with me as the one that got it all.
My children are always good enough for me.
I know I'm better off, but a small part of me just feels that I should have been good enough.
I hate this day

That card is appalling! Making a joke out of child abuse on a Mother's Day card wtf!!

I've had a gushing thanks for the cheap flowers I sent.

Got a lovely card from dd and she came home last night to find I'd fell asleep with big light n radio on, turned em off (I struggle with sleep) and actually said how lovely it was to see me sleeping. She let me sleep till midday (extremely rare for me.

Remember - it's almost over for another year.

Slick I am still in contact with my mum but very infrequently. Didn't see her today!!

When people ask me about her I just make out she's really boring IYSWIM and it kills the conversation 'what are you doing for MD?' "Oh my mother doesn't believe in Mother's Day" 'do you take your mum out' "mum has a restricted diet so doesn't go out to restaurants etc" blah blah you get the idea. It's all lies but basically whatever they ask I blank-wall it - oh she doesn't do that, she doesn't like that, etc.

If people say she sounds lonely / restricted etc I just say well she seems happy enough who am I to judge. Which is a PA way of shutting down that line of questioning.

I am a bit of a queen at being passive aggressive, and I know I shouldn't do it often because it's a bad habit to get into and I might end up like my mother - but ooo it does come in handy as a socially acceptable way of telling people to F off.

That Guardian piece is spot on, toomuchtooold.

I was NC with my mum for two years after an incident while I was at university that was a final straw for me. Ended up gradually allowing her back into my life. Sometimes I forget how dreadful she can be. It's really astonishing at times.

She loves words like 'cruel' and 'wicked' - she sort-of relishes them. At least since someone close to me became disabled she finally stopped using the 'cripple' word. She is bitter, mean and judgemental.

I agree that it's isolating, fuzzyfekt14. It's a last taboo, somehow, hating your mother. Mine twists things so everyone thinks she's this lovely helpful person, when in fact she has always done everything she can to undermine me and my family.

She recently told me I had only succeeded in life because of the school she chose for me . Riiiight. Spent my teenage years telling me I would never amount to anything, laughing at my ambitions... dreams. Yes a little realism is useful but she stamped all over them, mocked me, made a fool of me in front of other people.

Fun.

Thanks hissy

Placemarking

Mine told everyone that I deserved her ill treatment of me, that she couldn't help it because I was so evil. She then said I stole family gold. I was just a child. She turned a blind eye to my father abusing me and claimed I was a slut. I was just a child. I can't understand why everyone believes her. My siblings all play at happy families with her, and none of them have spoken to me for years, in fact since my father died.
I just don't talk about my family.

All of that has outed me on here, if my sister or other siblings are reading. There was a time when I worried about that, but now that I know I was not wrong, that my parents were, and that the rest of my family are enablers. I really don't give a fuck anymore

rightknockerd

My mother sat on the sofa with her two blonde blue eyed daughters, like her,and asked dark haired green eyed me if i was adopted.

She was adopted and suffered massively,.I was about 6 and the push out has never gone away

I loathe mother's day and do what i must

I looked like my father btw

I really struggle to find cards that are appropriate, they always have gushing verses in them. I know she loves me, and gets me gushing cards. But she was never able to be a mother to me. I actually think she has some brain damage, as her understanding of things is very limited. But being affectionate to her is cringeworthy. Horrid thought. She would maybe like a hug from me now she's old, but the damage was done years ago.

I grieve for the mother i could have, should have, had. My friend posted lovely mother's day pics on Facebook. Genuinely affectionate, happy close family. So so envious of that.

Mine is a weight around my neck now. The guilt is enormous but i cant seem to do anything about it.

The death of my father and the subsequent rejection by my sister and the rest of my family, was the catalyst that brought me to my senses about the rest of my family. I can finally see the patterns I've been repeating in relationships. I feel as though I'm finally getting somewhere, finally putting it all behind me