DH'S repeated inability to read a situation

[lenorloo]

You work in the morning; you collect DCS from nursery just after lunch time, you get home, clear up the dishes from breakfast, take them to walk the dogs, arrive home and play for an hour, then it's time to get dinner ready.
you have already emailed DH during the morning to explain that you have an appointment at 5.30pm so need to get dinner on the table for 5pm. DH replies that it's fine and that he will be home by 4.45 anyway.

DH arrives home just after 4.30, DCS are squabbling and wanting attention, you are juggling pans of vegetables in a stressful effort to serve dinner before you needbto leave.
What would your DH do? (And what SHOULD your DH do in an ideal world?!!)

Well obviously he should sit down, put his feet up and wait nicely for dinner. After all, he's been at work all day.

I'd expect some help with either DC's or dinner, but then I would have asked for it. What did he do?

He should leave immediately and go down the pub.

You should post on FB with a cryptic status.

He should give you a hug, tell the DCs to be quiet for a second and then ask you what he can do to be helpful.

Mine would prob do hug, stand in the way in the kitchen but if I then said we've got 5 minutes, I need you to do x, y and z, he'd do it. Thinking of x,y and z by himself would be beyond him.

You have to ask them nicely the first time to keep an eye on things, the third time you can shout and swear.

Mine wouldn't expect me to cook first, he'd come in and do that and feed DC. He's a keeper 😉

Mine would go for the shower he really needs when he gets in from work and be at the table at 5pm as arranged

If I wanted him to do anything different I'd say so

Either take over dinner or take the kids out of your way, but why didn't you just ask rather than clearly knowing what you want and not having said?

How do you know I didn't ask him to do x, y and z when he came through the door?

We don't, but you were complaining about his inability to read a situation, which suggests you hadn't asked directly for help.

It must be exhausting having to "read a situation" every time you get home.

He would completely miss the fact that I'm trying to do dinner, stop the children squabbling etc etc and go for a 45 minute shit, or bugger off out to the garage, or chat with the neighbour's unless I became a grumpy cow at which point I would be treated like a nag, told I'm intolerable/abusive etc etc

He's my ex

DH would be under my feet in the kitchen getting a drink - but he'd offer to get me one.

My kids father would go on his computer

He's my ex

Seeing that you have very ylung dc, atbthat age, he would have been handed over the young child with a 'please look after him' and he would t have been pleased at all.

Nowdays, after much grumbles and shouting on my part educating, he would deal with the dcs, intervene with the squabbling and ask what he could do for the dinner. He would even take over so that I had time to get ready if I needed to.

This is what happened and what happens regularly. I then lose my shit and feel like the twat:
He comes in and gives me a lovely hug.
Then says
"I know it's a bad time but I really need to tell you about my day....."
1 DC is now tantruming.
The story goes on and on and on, I try to listen and cook at the same time whilst DC1 continues shouting, I then tell DH that I really need some help putting dinner out.

DH says "can we have mint sauce? I know, I'll make the mint sauce. "
He gets in my way faffing around with mint sauce whilst I continue trying to plate up dinner. I was never going to serve mint sauce as there isn't time to faff around.
I ask him for "proper" help "stop faffing around please and help me."
He finally starts to help, but then asks " can I just tell you another story about today?"
I reply "FOR HEAVENSAKE SHUT UP"
I look at the clock. It's 5.20pm and I have to leave. I tell DH that this is ridiculous, throw the dish cloth on the floor leave and slam the door behind me.

I am the only adult in the house able to work to/keep to times without getting completely side tracked. I try to listen to DH when he asks as it's one thing I ask of him, but his timing is always shit. He always does this when I have my hands full preparing dinner and dealing with children. He just can't seem to read the situation at all!

Jesus, that sounds pretty tiresome after a day at work.

He should ask which of the 2 obvious activities you need most help with and if there is anything else you need to have done before you go out. (choose shoes, coat, restack handbag, brush hair, find car keys, put washing on etc.)
The situations may be quite obvious but YOUR chosen priority may not be his from the 2 (or more) presented.

More likely to be roles reversed here, but DH would possibly go to the loo but would then ask what I needed him to do - I'd either ask him to child-wrangle or finish dinner prep.

He would probably sit down until approximately three minutes before dinner was ready, then stand in the kitchen doorway asking if I needed help whilst blocking it.

Lol at the "45 minute shit" bantycustards! This was the next thing he did after I returned from my appointment!

Oh yep. That would make me exasperated, too. Are the bad guy now for not listening to his story? Argh. Poor you.

Does he tell a good story

He's perfectly able to read a situation. He has a fool proof plan to avoid doing anything he doesn't want to and to make sure everyone is focussed on HIS day and HIS story and what HE wants to make to accompany tea