What would you do, message from another woman?

[Emboo19]

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

I think a simple 'Guess who I've been talking to today?' should pretty much do the job, but wait until you get back to yours & can look him in the eye.

My advice though, is that if you find out he did have sex with her, take him back to his & end it. You'll never trust him again & it's not worth the heartache of 'trying', it's truly not.

so you'll know he's circumcised then?

If he isn't circumcised, I'd say 'so now you know he's circumcised then?'.
If he is circumcised, 'so you know he isn't ...'

See what she says.

...OH & if he says she's lying/cracked/stirring up trouble then say 'OK, let's go & report her to the police. I have her messages & she can't get away with this. They're really clamping down on misuse of social media'. See if he goes a funny colour or agrees with you.

My best advice would be to let him do the talking. Don't let on how much/little you know. If it were me I would say "so I had a message from x this morning" and let him do the talking.

Hope you're ok OP.
Choose your poison -

Girl sounds bitter about something.

Could be genuine but unlikely.

How are you going to confront him, OP?

I'd also log onto fb & get round & find out what you can from friends before asking him. Good luck

I agree with the posters saying to tell him 'l know' and then wait and let him speak. If he doesn't expect you to even suspect that he had cheated, he might just tell you the truth.

Horrible situation to be in for you op, l hope you get some resolution once you've spoken to him

Ask him 'who is xxx' and gauge his reaction

I would ask how the night was gauge his reaction and then mention that this person had messaged you that morning but not what she said just along the lines of guess who messaged me this morning?' his face should tell you all you need to know

Hmm. I'm not convinced either way at the moment.

Thanks everyone, sorry I'm a bit late replying.

I went to collect him, his brother and a few friends who don't live there, were there and obviously had been all night.
Everyone was really normal with me, no one looked uncomfortable or anything.

I mentioned when we got back that I'd had a message from X, he asked who that was, I said you tell me, he genuinely didn't seem to know who she was. I said she'd told me they'd had sex and she had proof (bit of a lie) he said it was bullshit, when was he supposed to have done that and I didn't believe it did I. He wasn't particularly angry and did look confused.

I asked him to give me his phone and he did, there's photos and videos from the night out, mostly drinking shots and being daft in a takeaway shop.
His version of the night, he remembers leaving the club and wanting to come to mine, he thought he'd phoned me as well as texted. He's blurry on the middle but remembers being in the pizza shop and a taxi refusing to take them.
He said his brother shared his room, a few other friends slept on the sofas.

I showed him the girl in question, he says she looks familiar, but he can't recall even talking to her.

He said to phone his brother, which I did.
He says the same really, J wanted to leave around 3, said he was coming to me. His brother talked him out of it, as he thought I'd be annoyed him turning up that drunk. Tried to get a taxi and they wouldn't take them, so went to get a pizza and try sober him up a bit. Then phoned a local taxi firm, got home after 4. His brother said he slept in his room as he was a bit worried he might have been sick.

She's his friend on social media and comments/likes his posts but she seems vaguely familiar???

Aside from anything else, he's not exactly classy is he?! Does he often get that scuttered when he's out??

I'm not sure I buy that, OP. I think it's really bizarre that he barely recognises her. If he said "yeah, she tried it on with me, I rejected her" I'd think he was telling the truth.

Why would a girl he doesn't even know do this?

So what do you think to this story?

She's on his facebook!!!!!

And I've still got his phone, there's no dodgy messages to any of his mates and it doesn't look like anythings been deleted as there's messages arranging the night and a few from this morning asking if he was feeling rough and a few photos shared.

Not sure if I should message her from his Facebook or not, I'm guessing she'll know by now I've told him anyway.

His brother will always back him up and/or lie for him. So will his friends.

He said she looks familiar?

Liar liar pants on fire. They got up to something but he was so drunk he can't really remember. It obviously meant far more to her than him though.

You wouldn't put it in a text message, OP. It would be a phone call, you know, so you wouldn't find anything in his phone.

He's not great with faces or names to be fair, he's in a band and does have quite a lot of girls on social media who he doesn't pay any attention to.

He rarely gets that drunk, no! But as I've seen from a video a few of his friend bought a drink with different shots in for him and another friend who's birthday is today. I think that probably tipped him over to the point of silly drunk.

If you message him from his fb, won't any reply pop up in his phone? Assuming he has the fb app on his phone.

I believe him for what it's worth. He handed his phone straight over, he couldn't have warned his brother what to say from how you describe it. He wanted to come to you. You're obviously on his mind even when he's blathered with his mates. This woman sounds like she's got a screw loose. His reaction sounds reasonable and my opinion was that if he was lying he would be defensive and angry, refuse to hand over phone etc. I'm sure others will disagree but I think if I were in his situation and innocent I'd do/say exactly as he did. Move on from it and both block her x