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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do, message from another woman?

451 replies

Emboo19 · 18/03/2017 09:57

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

OP posts:
Nosyparker1 · 19/03/2017 15:45

She sounds psycho!

Glossolalia · 19/03/2017 15:48

What a horrible woman!

syntheticharmony · 19/03/2017 15:48

Just read the entire thread - my immediate reaction was that she was making it up and I'm glad to see your last post, you having his keys is a definite flaw in her 'story'.

I'm sorry you've been through this all weekend, what a horrible thing for someone to do. Flowers

PollytheDolly · 19/03/2017 15:49

Be interested in her response.

Poisonous bitch. And you have a 5 month old too....sorry, she's not just jealous, she's a cunt with it.

Oddsockspissmeoff · 19/03/2017 15:51

Plus he's really bad at lying so I think I'd be able to tell!!

This is incredibly naive. You cannot tell when people are lying. When dealing with lies from friends and family studies show we have something called truth bias, we assume we know when they're lying. This actually means we swallow more lies, not less.

In your shoes now I'd insist this gets sorted, meaning the three of you meet up and sort it out. I'm surprised your boyfriend hasn't already suggested this to put your mind at ease.

DesertSky · 19/03/2017 15:58

Glad you've been able to put your mind at rest. Based on all information you've given and evidence I would be pretty convinced she's a nutter just trying to stir. I expect she's jealous and holds a grudge over you from school. Sounds like she was ignored at the bar and it was out of spite and revenge. Nothing added up with her events. Hope you can relax rest of weekend. x

DesertSky · 19/03/2017 16:01

oddsockspissmeoff - I think the fact he knew it was a bunch of baloney as he was with his friends/brother all night long (and has photo evidence with times etc) why would he react completely defensive and go off on one? That to me would look far more suspicious?

PlumsGalore · 19/03/2017 16:11

Why would someone even do this?

I am glad you are feeling happier. Often there is a very simple explanation to the most complex of situations.

Sounds to me she is a jealous nutter and was probably under the influence when she sent you the messages too.

The world is full of cyber nutters, you only have to read some of the MN starter posts.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 16:17

Ha, I got a reply...... I deserve it because I'm a stuck up bitch and a terrible mother for leaving my baby with anyone (my parents) to get drunk all night (home by 12) and I don't deserve him anyway and he will cheat on me because I look dead rough since having a baby.
I could think of some really horrible things to put in a reply, but I've just blocked her.

OP posts:
DesertSky · 19/03/2017 16:18

Jealous psychopath lol

inlectorecumbit · 19/03/2017 16:20

oh well you got the reply that proves your DP was telling the truth and that she obviously has issues with you.

Jealous--yep!!

oklumberjack · 19/03/2017 16:21

Nice. Bloody hell. What a twisted, bitter (and bored!) knob.

LoveDeathPrizes · 19/03/2017 16:22

Woah! I was not expecting that.

Good on you for staying calm. I'd have gone in all guns blazing. That's a real testament to the trust in your relationship and if anything you've come out of it looking better!

Glossolalia · 19/03/2017 16:23

Bloody hell, OP.

That's madness!

I'd just be grateful that I'm not her. She must have a truly miserable life.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2017 16:26

Ffs, that's shocking. The woman is clearly mentally unwell and very very jealous of you. To the point of being concerning.

Well now you know she was lying, but what extremes to go to, even finding his address. I actually think it's a bit scary. To text you, to keep it going, to find his address and then to attack you.

I'd be watching out for her. She's not right.😱

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 16:39

Apparently me and my school friends saw her out last weekend, I was rather drunk that time! First time out since having my dd.
I didn't recognise her, but one of my friends did and she asked about my boyfriend something along the lines of 'do you go out with J from X band' I vaguely remember someone asking about him and think I was a bit dismissive. Hadn't realised it was someone I knew though, until I've just text my best friends to tell them about this.

I'm going to have to apologise to my boyfriend now, aren't I?

OP posts:
nonameinspiration · 19/03/2017 16:52

I wouldn't rule out contacting the police if you hear from her again. On the plus side your instincts about the strength of your relationship and the morals of your partner were spot on - which is really great Grin

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 16:54

I'm not sure she actually knows his address Bluntness she says she did along with the few details she gave, but she didn't write the address and I didn't ask for it. By that message I'd decided to wait and speak to him about it, so I'd left it.
She will know where I live and his brother though.
I think she expected me to know who she was and that I'd dismiss what she said straight away. When I haven't, I think she's just thought to carry it on for, I don't know fun Confused

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 19/03/2017 16:58

What an absolute mentalist.

blonde91 · 19/03/2017 16:58

Wow! What an absolute nut job!!
So glad that your oh was telling the truth though op!!

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 17:01

On the plus side your instincts about the strength of your relationship and the morals of your partner were spot on - which is really great grin think I'll lead with that noname when I apologies, rather than the fact I'd almost convinced myself him and his friends had all changed the time on their phones, just to give him a alibi to shag someone else!

OP posts:
LoveDeathPrizes · 19/03/2017 17:02

Who does that to a new mum?

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2017 17:03

I'll be honest, that's some sick fun. I suspect deep seated jealousy is ar the root of this. I'd just be careful.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2017 17:04

Who does that to a new mum?

OnionKnight · 19/03/2017 17:05

I bet all of the posters who were calling for him to be hung, drawn and quartered are feeling a bit silly now.