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Original poster

What would you do, message from another woman?

451 replies

Emboo19 · 18/03/2017 09:57

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 19/03/2017 07:47

You say she was more descriptive in one of her messages, what did she say?

Still undecided on whether he's cheated, it's hard for us to tell for sure, and you sound unsure too.

TheObserverOne · 19/03/2017 08:01

Sounds like he's got his excuse sorted, but if you didn't speak to him until later in the day then there was plenty of time to concoct that story. Did you ask the brother if anyone else went back to his flat at all?

Thanksforasking · 19/03/2017 08:04

I can't understand why so many people are saying she is lying. Based on whether she used the bathroom or not?!

None of us know do we. Fwiw I believe her version of events.

You don't seem remotely fazed or worried so you obviously trust him.

mainlywingingit · 19/03/2017 08:08

OP - can this girl tell you the road he lives on or close area at least?

There is now way a "stranger" would know this from Fbook or Instagram.

If she knows the address , I'm afraid I'd see him as lying.

What's she got to gain from this? Your partner says he doesn't know her. Why would a complete stranger fabricate this?

Doesn't look good OP :-(

Gallavich · 19/03/2017 08:13

Where were all his mates while he was shagging her? Waiting outside?
I hate to say it but he checks out and she really doesn't.

felinewonderful · 19/03/2017 08:14

I'm sorry but I think it's more likely that he cheated. He could have easily got his brother to lie for him. I think the likelihood is that she's telling the truth. I've seen it firsthand with people cheating with "groupies" then denying it happened blaming it on "crazy obsessed groupies" I would be investigating further op

SenoritaViva · 19/03/2017 08:48

Why would he have photos /video of the pizza place with his friends if they had left the club together? I think that's what she implied, but could be wrong.

LadyFlumpalot · 19/03/2017 08:50

I'm tending the believe his version of events. The filming and photos in a kebab shop prove it for me.

Her version of events with no proof:

We left the club and none of his mates saw him leave. Ask my friend.

His version of events with visual timestamped proof:

I left the club and went to a kebab shop with my friends at 3am. I was stupid drunk. Here look at these videos and photos.

If she had slept with him, why would she tell a lie about how they left the club?

LadyFlumpalot · 19/03/2017 08:51

Sorry, pizza place. So used to going to a kebab shop!

PetalMettle · 19/03/2017 08:52

I think if I was her and I'd been shagged and then chucked out and told he still had a gf I'd have snapped a picture of at least the outside of the house before messaging you

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 09:04

I'm not sure no, have barley slept thinking about it!! I just can't see a reason for her to lie. But then I really can't imagine him doing it and his version does seem to pan out. Unless him and his friends have orchestrated the whole pizza shop thing as a alibi, but so he could just shag a random girl!!

Her version is, they left together about 3, he didn't tell any of his friends he was going, they didn't see him leave, she told one friend where she was going. Got a taxi together, she can't remember which one, doesn't remember much of the house as they were busy as soon as they got in. Had sex and a few various other sex acts, then he told her to go, she got a taxi home.
She knows where he lives, street and house number.

His version, he left about 3, walked to taxi rank, couldn't get a taxi, went to pizza shop. Phoned a local taxi who picked them up, himself his brother, one house mate and another friend, in one taxi and all went to his house, got in after 4. All still there when I went over, along with the other housemate and another friend who'd gone home before hand. Pizza boxes still on the side in the kitchen, match the takeaway they were in.

OP posts:
Holly3434 · 19/03/2017 09:04

You have to question then if he's so innocent, why has this girl taken the hump and want to cause trouble? He's done something to upset her, no one just decides lets send messages for a laugh and carry it on.

MrsEricBana · 19/03/2017 09:05

On balance her story doesn't stack up whereas his sounds plausible inc photos, brother and mates there etc. I think she's just trying to cause trouble.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 19/03/2017 09:11

I wonder if you could trace the taxi?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 09:11

His house phone is listed though so getting his address wouldn't be difficult

Someone asked what he was like before going out with me earlier. He had a few girlfriends and a few friebds with benefits arrangements. Never cheated to my knowledge and he's still friends/friendly with his ex's. Wasn't really big on one night stands, he always said he needs more of a connection with someone and has to like them as a person too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 09:16

I'm thinking that Holly but he seems to genuinely not know. I asked if anythings happened any other time, even just a kiss he says not.
I wondered if he's said something to her or knocked her back, he's never really led girls on though, doesn't flirt or message or anything and if he turns them down he's never normally a dick about it.
A few of his mates can be, you know saying not nice remarks etc and he usually pulls them on it!

OP posts:
Flipthebirdy · 19/03/2017 09:21

Can you message her and ask for her phone number. Then he can call her and oit her on loudspeaker for you to hear and ask her wtf she's playing at. If I was him and I was innocent I would fuming with her.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 09:23

I did ask for her number before when someone suggested it but she said she didn't want to give it out.

OP posts:
TinyPawz · 19/03/2017 09:26

I think she is bullshitting. If she was being truthful she would be more than willing to give number. Ignore the muppet.

HalfCarrot · 19/03/2017 09:41

From the title I was sure he'd be cheating but i definitely believe him over her. He has so many alibis and pizza boxes. And there is no way she wouldn't have used the bathroom!

Sounds like she has got a bit obsessed with him. He needs to do a personal Facebook purge although I'd leave it for a couple of months in case she reads something into an immediate unfriending, like you believing her story and being jealous.

Goforit2017 · 19/03/2017 09:43

Could you ask her to call you and withhold her number?

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 19/03/2017 09:44

I dont think I believe her. I'd actually message her saying I have proof you are lying. Video of them all leaving the club together and in the pizza shop that are time stamped as when you say you were with him. I don't believe you. See what she replies with.

Lariflete · 19/03/2017 09:46

I don't know why she'd be lying, but actually this same thing happened to me a few years ago.
I was stopped at traffic lights with DH beside me and a woman knocked on the window and said 'I thought you ought to know love that your bloke was with me last night.'
Which could have caused immense amounts of trouble if DH hadn't been with me, 160 miles away on a weekend away.
No idea why she said it, but people do make things up and with your DP being in a band could well be a groupie trying to make him single again.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 19/03/2017 09:47

Hmm, I've unfortunately known a few groupie types and I think it's much less likely she would tell you. If she's been following him for ages, liking stuff, hanging around, she's playing the long game.

She says he told her to leave and she just suddenly put two and two together? Rubbish! If he told her to leave she'd go home rubbing her hands together thinking she had him on the hook.

My favourite bit is that he is in a band and she thinks a guitar being in his room is evidence. Of course he has a bloody guitar in his room! (I'm assuming he plays guitar here...) Yet she can't even remember the colour of the sheets they supposedly had sex on? Who wouldn't remember that!

So then they went for their dalliance all secretive, then he went back to his friends and they all had pizza and went to his?

If he was that drunk and went home and had sex he would have fallen asleep and slept straight through.

OP, I think you have a complete psycho on your hands. Some women are just like this. I remember one who fancies my DP and she did some bizarre stuff. She went out of her way to upset me but he said he honestly couldn't even pick get out of a line up.

Often these women want to upset the girlfriends. You are get rivsk as she sees it. She wants you gone. Cut off all contact with her, I'm sure your partner will do the same, and present a united front. Don't expect her to stop though. Mine never did. 🙄

SparklingRaspberry · 19/03/2017 09:48

OP you seem so determined to think his brothers and friends wouldn't lie to you.

Of course they may be telling the truth.

But whether you like it or not, their loyalty lies with him. Even the most honest people will sometimes withhold the truth when put in a situation like this. He's their friends, he's their brother. Do you really think they're gunna admit to you that he shagged someone else (if he did)? No, chances are they wouldn't tell you.

You seem to have a reason for everything she says. I get you don't want to believe he's cheated. I'm not saying he has. But you certainly have to wonder

Most people by now would've messaged her from his fb. You had an excuse not to do that. I think it's easier for you to stick your head in the sand than actually find out the full truth