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Original poster

What would you do, message from another woman?

451 replies

Emboo19 · 18/03/2017 09:57

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

OP posts:
Keepingupwiththejonesys · 18/03/2017 22:31

I really thought he'd cheated until your update. There's videos after 3am, he handed his phone straight over and his reaction seems like that of someone who is innocent and genuinely doesn't know what you're on about. Now you've said he's in a band I think there's a high chance she's a loopy groupie

Thanksforasking · 18/03/2017 22:35

Where is he tonight op?

LeviOsaNotLeviosAR · 18/03/2017 22:37

I read these types of threads and normally think there is no smoke without fire. But in this instance I think your DP is completely innocent. I would give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. I know messages like this can really unsettle you and make you question every little action, but honestly put it out of your head. Flowers

DesertSky · 18/03/2017 22:39

Hmm, the fact the only proof she could give you was there's a guitar in his room when he's in a band makes it considerably doubtful...

BonnyScotland · 18/03/2017 22:49

I'm surprised at how calmly your taking all of this.... I know it's merely an allegation ... but even so.... you've barely reacted .. do you care that he may or may not have been unfaithful ?

mummymummums · 18/03/2017 23:08

I'm not convinced he hasn't cheated. He has a lot to lose and some people are great liars. To those saying she lied by saying she didn't know he had a girlfriend she explained that, as she said OP's bf told her they'd split up.
I'm not saying he has cheated but I think there's a good chance.
For peace of mind I'd def message her from his Facebook account, before he gets to her, saying "why did you message my girlfriend?" The answer should get you closer to the truth.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 18/03/2017 23:22

I'm a bit befuddled at all the posters saying "he definitely hasn't cheated". And you know that because...?

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 18/03/2017 23:23

I'm a bit befuddled at all the posters saying "he definitely hasn't cheated". And you know that because...?

embitteredex · 18/03/2017 23:33

This reply has been deleted

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MadMags · 18/03/2017 23:37

Spot the desperado...

Muddlewitch · 18/03/2017 23:43

Did you mean to be so ironic, embittered?

Maudlinmaud · 18/03/2017 23:46

What a nasty post and a first post at that.

Sallystyle · 18/03/2017 23:51

No one here obviously knows one way or the other, both sides could make sense. We can analyse it until the cows come home.

If you trust him and until now you have had no concerns that he has cheated on you then I would be inclined to just keep my eyes wide open for a bit.

It's a shitty situation to be in but you seem like you have your head screwed on and his reaction seems pretty positive.

Sallystyle · 18/03/2017 23:53

I'm a bit befuddled at all the posters saying "he definitely hasn't cheated". And you know that because...?

I know, it's amazing how some posters think they know one way or the other what he did or didn't do.

Willow2017 · 19/03/2017 00:10

sounds like some desperate groupie trying to split you up.

If all his mates stayed with him how come she forgot that bit of info?

And after a night out and sex she didn't go to the loo once? Yeah right cos she can't describe the loo cos she was never there she means.

It's perfectly possible for a woman to be this bitchy when guys don't notice them enough. He is not replyng to her messages on Facebook and she is pissed off.

Your guy hasn't tried to hide anything from you and judging by the state he was in sex would have been imposible anyway if his mate was worried enough to stay in the room with him. You know him well enough to know when he is lying, don't let this woman ruin things for you.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 00:12

The thing about messaging her from his account, How would I know she hasn't just lied in her reply to him?

He's stayed here tonight Thanksforasking

Of course I care BonnyScotland I'm just not the kind to be out baying for his and her blood. If she's telling the truth he's a idiot I can do without, if she's lying I'll feel sorry for her tbh!

Not sure on your point embitteredex

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2017 00:17

I thought that about the toilet Willow
And how drunk he was too, she added some more description of what happened to one message and I'm not convinced he'd have been sober enough.

OP posts:
WordsAreWind · 19/03/2017 00:22

She didn't use the bathroom?

After a night out with friends at a club, i presume drinking. Going home with OP's DP in the early hours, having sex, and didn't need to use the bathroom for a quick pee?

This Woman must have titanium bladder.

This is where her story falls down in my opinion.

MadamePomfrey · 19/03/2017 00:31

I agree she didn't need the bathroom at all to pee or clean up before she left? Odd she hasn't described the kitchen either so no drink?? Dry mouth anyone?? He had a flat full of hung over people when you got him she didn't mention that and actually said he was alone! No one can be sure what happened but her story doesn't add up! So I get believing in the person you know love and trust over her! She's given no evidence over what is known on social media!

Starlight2345 · 19/03/2017 00:33

I started this thread expecting to be more convinced by I am not.

Th , band how he might not really know her, the fact she didn't use bathroom, didn't know bedding, , guessed guitar pretty good guess if he is in a band.

the evidence his end..

Doesn't ring true to me.

Nicegurl · 19/03/2017 01:03

Does she actually know his address?

If she's basically an acquaintance who he can't even remember when you ask him about her then she shouldn't know where he lives.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 19/03/2017 01:22

I'm leaning more to belive him too

NoArmaniNoPunani · 19/03/2017 05:11

I think he's telling the truth too. If he was in a pizza place at 3 and she messaged you at 5 he wouldn't have had much time to get her home, have sex and get her out again so she's home by 5.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2017 05:37

I'm on the fence here, if she's lying it's a bit of a gamble to guess he had not went home to the op, or even that there was a guitar in his room (and not in the main body of the house).

Yes, clearly people do nuts things but to message someone's partner at five am and to keep following it up like she is with the messages either means she's totally mentally unwell or she is in fact telling the truth.

I'm also not sure of him not aware of who she is. And I don't believe for one moment the brother would tell the op, because of all the damage it would do.

So I'm not sure. I can see why he would lie, I can see why there would be nothing on his phone, but I'm struggling with the assumption this woman is so mentally ill she is not just messaging once but responding to the op and giving details to confirm the story. That sort of behaviour really is incredibly rare.

So on the balance of probability I'd say he cheated. Sorry op.

TipTop333 · 19/03/2017 06:58

Get a life and stop living it online with a load of man hating mingers

Ooh it's been a while since I've been called a 'minger', how retro!