He's just disappeared. What the fuck?

[Deeperthanathousandcuts]

Divorced but was due to remarry this year. Madly in love with fiance, bought a house together in London and were planning our future together. Kids are staying with their dad this week (thank God!), I come home from Zurich after a shitty business trip and his stuff is gone. Every single thing he possessed. Tried to call him but goes straight to answerphone, tried to whatsapp him but my messages aren't being delivered. Frantically tried to contact him on all social media outlets but he's unfriended me?

The relationship was fantastic, we are financially secure, great sex life and lots of laughs, we'd only recentl returned from a winter vacation in Bali and had the best time. Only thing the fucker didn't take me off is snap chat and There was a snap on his story and in the background it looked like a woman's shoes.

No idea where he is, my kids are going to be devastated. He works away a lot so I don't even know where he is right now.

Lost and not sure what to do next

Change the locks and wait for him to come seeking out his half of the property

I think it is a bit more complicated than that

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, OP.

Yeah you can't lock a joint owner out of their home.

OP is a top lawyer- she knows the ropes.

PollyPerky, where does the OP say she's not bothered about the house and that it's unlikely he wants his share? Bit confused by that.

She doesn't say anything about not being bothered about the house.

And the OP said "I'm financially sound but he will probably want his cut of our house which will be costly".

I have a friend of a friend whose DW did this to him decades ago. It's more common than you think- people leaving with no warning.

It's called 'ghosting'. It's a whole thing apparently.

A whole, utterly shitty, thing.

This has happened to me, he left middle of the night no warning even said he loved me before I fell asleep. It's heart breaking for you, and you never do get the answer to why. Feel for you

sorry op. How awful.

What a nasty horrible, mean, low, shitty , deceitful, cowardly, bastard thing to do to another human.

I feel like giving him a kick in his testicles just for you.

Nasty little scumbag!

Weird.

No closure, no one to ask the question ..why?
Even if you just get shitty answers.

If it was someone get beaten up by the other person and wanting to escape dv then yes...run for the hills but not someone you intended to spend your life with.

Totally forgot that it happened to me as well...just shows how I've moved on.
To be fair we were having a bad patch but I ( stupidly) thought we would pull through.
On Wednesday he told me he was going away to work for a couple of days.
Went to work on Friday. Came home and here's a letter on the mat telling me he'd left me.
Thank god it hadn't come before work, I'd have never got out of the house.
Was totally and absolutely gutted!

People do horrible things to each other.

There's no rational explanation. They just do. There is no guaranteed closure. Just accept when you can that it was just fantasy on his part, a lie and you were fucked over. Then rise up from that, and move on. Don't play victim, move on.

Beyond horrible if you just had a wonderful holiday together, then while you were away on business he just picked up all his belongings and left without any discussion with you.

Hmm Sorry- must have misread.

What an absolute spineless human being. I'm sorry for the hurt.

I've seen a few threads like this over the years and it tends to be in a relationship where the op thinks everything was perfect and there was no sign at all that this was coming. Maybe the man was hiding something all along or couldn't keep up the pretence of being such a wonderful human being.

So sorry this has happened to you
Similar happened to me a couple of years ago though thankfully we hadn't bought a house, he went to the shop one day and never came back and I've not seen him since, I later found out he'd lied about everything and he went as far as faking wage slips. The not knowing is the worst feeling ever. I event sold all his belongings and took my kids on holiday with the money

However much the OP doesn't want to hear what I have to say the most important thing here is to ensure that she is financially safe. Ultimately she and this man have a house together, a mortgage, joint debt, and as such it's possible for this man to borrow against that debt and bring the OP down if he so wanted.

And for anyone who says that it wouldn't be possible to be living under a false identity, of course it would. It is in fact incredibly, scarily easy to obtain an identity, added to which he is from Australia so much of his past may well not have followed him over here.

The OP needs to go back to a point of thinking that she actually knows nothing about this man. Because the man she thought she knew isn't the man he's turned out to be - one who would disappear without a trace. No note, no explanation, blocked on all social media and contact methods.

And as much as it technically isn't legal to change the locks on a house which is co owned, given the OP has been thrown into a world where the man she thought she was with isn't any of the things she thought, I absolutely would be changing the locks, for her own safety as well as that of her children. It's possible this man could be violent, could have a criminal past, there is no way of knowing at this stage, and the OP's safety and that of her children is paramount.

It is also of course entirely possible that he's left the country back to Australia.

[flowers{
YY to disentangling finances ASAP!! Take all the money your share from the joint acct and then remove your name from it so he can't run up debts in your name. Make sure the mortgage payments come out of your account as it will be better in the long run.

I would go to Police and see if they could check his identify.

Fair enough, Polly.

Thought I might have missed something.

OP what a nasty shock for you

That's such a despicable way to treat others. Selfish bastard.

Am speechless, what a wanker

I do agree with the "all bets are off" state of mind, for someone to have done this does take preparation, and planning and all while maintaining an air of normality in from of op and the kids.

Whoever this person was purporting to be, he isn't who the seemingly lovely op thought he was.

Therefore fuck etiquette, change the locks and regain some control and security

I can't imagine what you're going through.

Please be kind to yourself, nothing you did made you "deserve" this. This cruelty is on him. Cruelty or cowardice. Matters not, it's abominable.

I'm so sorry

So sorry to hear this. I went through similar once. Believe it or not you have likely dodged a bullet.
If you're anything like me you will feel better when you get through the stages of grief and reach angry!
in the meantime!

@Deeperthanathousandcuts been thinking about you today and hope you are ok. Have you had any contact?