He's just disappeared. What the fuck?

[Deeperthanathousandcuts]

Divorced but was due to remarry this year. Madly in love with fiance, bought a house together in London and were planning our future together. Kids are staying with their dad this week (thank God!), I come home from Zurich after a shitty business trip and his stuff is gone. Every single thing he possessed. Tried to call him but goes straight to answerphone, tried to whatsapp him but my messages aren't being delivered. Frantically tried to contact him on all social media outlets but he's unfriended me?

The relationship was fantastic, we are financially secure, great sex life and lots of laughs, we'd only recentl returned from a winter vacation in Bali and had the best time. Only thing the fucker didn't take me off is snap chat and There was a snap on his story and in the background it looked like a woman's shoes.

No idea where he is, my kids are going to be devastated. He works away a lot so I don't even know where he is right now.

Lost and not sure what to do next

What a shock OP.

What a shitty, cowardly, twatty thing to do.

What a coward. I'd contact his boss and his parents and anyone else you can think of saying you're desperately worried something bad has happened to him, you own a house together and he's vanished without trace.

I think you need to concentrate on the financials and the practicalities for now.

Do you have a joint account? Joint debt (apart from the mortgage)? Can you find out if there is a charge on the house? Land Registry will help with that.

Has he taken anything of yours? Property? Documents? Check your documents, savings accounts, bank statements etc. Change all your passwords to your online accounts (even if you don't think he knows them). Do an online credit check on you and see if anything comes up.

You might feel a bit more in control when you get all this done. I'm really sorry.

I'm so sorry this has happen to you OP.
I echo what other posters have said about looking after yourself, needing time etc.

Also, what an absolute coward.

Why not call his employer or his family?

Oh fucking hell that's awful.

OK - practicalities first:

Change the locks on the house. You don't want him being able to randomly turn up again and wander in. If he does try and then wants a key then he'll need to contact you to ask for one. If his name is on the mortgage/deeds then you aren't supposed to change them without his permission, but if he's fucked off and gone AWOL and is contactable, then I think it's perfectly reasonable to do so.

Secondly, de-link yourself from any joint banking, credit cards, finances etc. If you have joint accounts and savings then move your share of the money out and get your name taken off the accounts. You do not want him running up debt which you could be held liable for whilst your name is linked to his.

Thirdly, tell friends. I know it might feel embarrassing but you have nothing to be ashamed off. By telling friends what he has done - especially joint friends - it puts him on the back foot and shines a light on his piss-poor behaviour. You also need emotional support and telling your friends is the quickest and best way to get this.

Finally, get on to the wedding venues etc., if you have anything booked, and get it cancelled and see if you can get a refund. The money will come in handy and also the last thing you want is caterers etc., ringing you to talk about wedding details. Take control of it.

I suspect there is an OW somewhere - which is shitty enough, but this is an appalling way to end a relationship.

Mortgage would be my first concern. Is it in joint names? Can you afford it on your own? DOes anyone know what happens if he doesn't make contact and you decide to sell up?

I would agree, one call to his family to check that he is doing alright mentally (although clearing all of his stuff out would have taken some time to do, not a random moonlight flit). And then it's the practicals. Can you pay next month's mortgage and bills?

Start letting people know - you need real life support.

What a horrible shock! I hope you are ok.

that should say 'is uncontactable'

sorry to read this, sounds awful. make sure your finances are intact -
does he have any family or close friends he might be with?

Oh no, what a cunt!

I'm also a bit concerned that he hasn't done a runner with any of your money - not that money will be that important to you today I imagine.

Hopefully your accounts are kept separate?

As much as you deserve a damn good explanation, he obviously planned to do a disappearing act while you were out of the country. What a spineless coward he is! The only silver lining here is the fact he did this before you married him.

At least, I'm hoping that's a good thing!

and .

OP. Practically, make sure you have a bank acc. in your own name (that he doesn't have access to), and if you share a joint account transfer money out. Salary etc needs to go into your account. Longer term you'll need to think about whether to stay in the house or sell.

I'd see a solicitor to ask about rights/process in these circumstances, as you're not married.

Not sure what to say to DC - how old are they?

I think in a few months you'll see this as a lucky escape, OP. What a prize he is for the "other woman". Her turn next.

I read a book by a mumsnetter with exactly this plot recently.....

Sorry - the part about money doesn't read right! It should be "has done a runner" .

Oh OP that's terrible. Clearly planned so nothing has happened to him as such.

The others are right. Deal with money matters now, and fast. The grieving will take some time; as will getting over the shock.

What a shock, what an absolute A**hole.

So he's disappeared, cleared out all his stuff and you haven't thought to check with his family? Instead you know only of a pair of shoes in the background on snapchat?

What MrDacre said
I would add contact a sollicitor to see what needs to be done for the house.

I hope you are OK
That was such a shitty thing to do....
I also appreciate that you might still hope he will come back and that things will come back to normal. I would be surprised. Not with that amount of preparation. But even if he was, would you ever be able to trust him again??

check with his family
Not all adults have a family (parents, siblings etc.)

Why check anyway? He's not fallen under a bus if he's taken all his stuff. And even if his family exists and know where he is they will be loyal to him.

What a fucking arsehole!!!

OP is a lawyer according to previous posts so presumably she would have access to legal advice.

This happened to a friend of a friend, except he didn't even take his stuff- it was quite literally the cliche of going out for a pack of cigarettes and not coming back. She never got a proper explanation- he said to friends years later that he just had this sudden realisation he didn't like his life and didn't know how to get out of it, so just went.

He eventually surfaced to get family to tell her he was ok, after a day or so of her being frantic, but he refused to talk to her - they managed to sort getting his stuff back and selling their house with only being in the same room once to sign paperwork in a solicitors office. Unthinkable nightmare- both happily married to others now, I'm not sure I could ever trust someone knowing they were capable of that.

In case it is some kind of mental health break, contact his employer and family. Contact a solicitor: transfer all joint money into your account but communicate to him you've done it until you know what's going on and you're not asserting a claim on all of it. I'd also put a flag on all accounts with the bank so he can't take out debt you're liable for.

If you can, get someone over who can hold your hand and support you through all this. It's unimaginable, though it happens sometimes. Take it one step at a time till you understand what's happened. You can get through this.