Ive just ruined DPs birthday

[Calmdownboris1]

I don't know if Ive messed this up or not.

DP had an affair, I found out in Jun. we split, got back together in Oct. We have DS aged 3. He was seeing OW for 10 months. We have been together 15 years.

Its DPs birthday today. DS had a birthday party this morning so I booked a massage and facial for DP as a treat whilst we were out. DP has woken up with a virus and couldnt go. He also said he was too ill to open the gifts I had chosen for him.

I don't know why but Ive flipped. I just wanted one happy memory. The last 18 months have been so hard for me. He has messed up my birthday for the last 3 years not getting me presents, not being there on Mothers Day. Every special occasion he has ruined. Say for example, we had a meal at the ritz bought for us. He stayed out all night the night before and rolled in at 11am. I then either have to let it go or have to cancel something Ive looked forward to for months.

I know its not his fault he is ill but I blame him because he doesnt look after himself. He drinks too much etc.

Last year, I took him out to a Gordon ramsey restaurant for his bday. When we got hime he went to the OW overnight (obviously I didnt know where he was). He then drove him at 8am so we could take DS to legoland. Obviously I went with it so as not to disapoint DS.

2015 he stood me up on his bday (I had a restaurant booked and had delivered a cake) and went out for a curry with his mates instead of out for dinner with me and DS. He stayed out all night.

I took this week off work to spend together. He ended up having to work in Spain from
mon - thur completely unexpected. He was supposed to be back wed morning, then it changed to thur morning then thur at midnight.

MIL has taken DS overnight as we were supposed to be going out for dinner. He wouldnt talk to me, just kept on ignoring me telling me to F off. I NEEDED to talk to him, I needed to let him know how much I'm hurting.

I get all these flashbacks of "this time last year" and when he was with OW and the lies he told.

I completely exploded, screaming at him. He recorded me going crazy. I was shouting in his face.

I accused him of still being with OW, of having an affair with a woman he works with and made him call her.

He stays out all night at least once a week, I feel like my world is upside down and I don't know who to trust. My closest friends knew about OW and didnt tell me.

I'm just sat here sobbing and he is downstairs. I feel like I'm crazy.

Omg LTB and I don't often say that.

Wow, I've been feeling sorry for my single self this weekend, but this puts things into perspective. What a vile human being he is and what a waste of your life. You are obviously a good, loving person. Be that person to someone who deserves it, starting with yourself!

This is a heartbreaking post. You haven't messed anything up. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Your son does not deserve a dad who is "too sick" to open a gift from an excited little boy in the morning, yet well enough to bugger off out that evening! You know you and your DS deserve a better life. I understand being scared of what will happen next but from the little I know from your post, you'll be fine. You earn a living, you can support your child, you've tried to save your relationship. You've done your bit, it doesn't sound like your partner has bothered at all.

Dont leave the house you have worked hard for and need for you and your son. Gather all paperwork together re house, your contribution history, everything and go and see a solicitor on Monday. I was going to say file for divorce but you aren't married. Such a shame his name is on the deeds but solicitor will be able to advise you on where you stand. You really deserve better than this OP.

Keep in mind you can run a home on your own, ok it won't be this home but it's just not worth it.

If you sell up long term you'll do better, he'll always be a cock lodging failure but you won't be the one crying.

I would also suggest you ring you consider some counselling while you go through the process of detaching yourself from him and sorting your life out- he seems to have worn you down emotionally and counselling will help you regain some perspective and regain your mojo and confidence.

God you so need to lose this bastard. Let him go to one of his other woman's houses and you can save your lovely gifts and thoughtful gestures for yourself and your son.

He is not worth all this pain, he really isn't. You and your ds deserve so much more.
Get legal advice asap.

I would love a thoughtful gift and treat. I just never get anything like that

You know that £120 you wasted? You could've easily treated yourself with that - you need to be kind to yourself and DS first!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start getting angry! Get all the paperwork together and start your new future without him

He's a total monster. Nothing to stay for. You must get out of this destructive relationship right now. Hope things work out. You can't accept the unacceptable which his behaviour was. And he's still being horrible.

I'm sorry,if my dh did that I would assume he was still seeing other woman...

I really hope you find the strength to leave this arsewipe

Yours and your DS's lives will improve no end once you kick that bellend into touch.

Delete the video of you raging from his phone, the first chance you get. You don't want him using it against you, claiming you're the unhinged one. He is clearly a wanker of epic proportions. Start planning how to eject him from your life. Think of how fab life could be without him.

I'm gutted for you. I would pack his things and tell him that he shouldn't bother returning in the morning. Easier said than done though.

I hope you gather the strength to get rid of this leech.

You absolutely must get your free half hour with a solicitor and find out how you can get yourself untangled from this arrangement.

Many years ago I was in a similar situation except he never had an affair with anyone only drink. I left him after 10yrs and for the life of me I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. In the end I hated him. I could'nt of cared if he lived or died. He was violent to me. He was no father to our DC. He constantly put me down, showed me up and embarrassed me. I tried so hard to make it work and make things right but I couldn't do it on my own. He physically and emotionally abused me. I could see the smug look on his face every time he upset me or I cried or he looked at the black eyes and bruises he gave me. I wouldn't go out for days. I was isolated because of him. The police where involved. And he ended up in the crown court. I could not understand what I was doing wrong. I realise now I put up with it because I was down trodden and depressed with no support. Then one day I woke up and realised I'd be much happier on my own. I'd have more money too. That I wasn't doing anything wrong it was HIM. He was fucked up. It wasn't easy to get rid of him but definitely worth it. He never did anything in front of our DC. It was always when he wasn't there. I have a successful happy life now. A normal happy life. A home of my own and a good job. You may not leave him today but one day you will leave him. Don't blame yourself because it's not you. It's him. I wish you all the best x

We have just had a massive screaming match and he has stormed out.

I tried explaining why I'm so angry and upset. He just kept on throwing at me that this is all my fault because I keep on bringing up the past. He would just not accept that I'm going to keep on accusing him re OW when he stays out all night.

I want to go to sleep and never wake up

leave him. I'm sorry for the bluntness but that dick has no respect for you not any remourse over affair.
you might loose ur home but this is not the environment where you want ur ds growing up in trust me it will damage him

Pack his bloody stuff!
I mean this in the kindest possible way but where is your self respect lady??? Look what he has done to you.

You're still trying to get him to give a shit and you don't see him playing you. He has engineered all of this with every intention of being out tonight and put ALL night. So you sit at home weeping and he hasn't a care in the world.

Fuck him!! Find your anger and get him out of your life.

Tell him to fuck off and not come back.

Awful man. You deserve better than this.
Go to a solicitor on Monday or Citizens' Advice and discuss the options with them.
You can build a new life without him and it will be a better life. Of course it will be hard but you can do it.

I am so sorry for you but I think you know the answer. His behaviour says it all. He is the one who should leave and his behaviour is disgusting. His DS deserves so much better. Kids pick up on negativity and I bet you he will grow up knowing what a knob his dad is at this rate! And you don't want him to think that's how you treat women either x
Really really hard but pack his bags and lock the doers next time he is out.... let your MIL have him xx

Boris, you have a little boy, who needs and loves you.
You need to leave this cocklodging rat, even at a financial loss.
What is he teaching your DS ?
He will change when Hell freezes over = NEVER.
Do something about it, put all of your emotional energy, into action.
There are plenty of decent men out there.

Do NOT let him do this to you again.

He's making out you are the problem. It's him and he knows it.

Bloody well leave him!!

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.