Ive just ruined DPs birthday

[Calmdownboris1]

I don't know if Ive messed this up or not.

DP had an affair, I found out in Jun. we split, got back together in Oct. We have DS aged 3. He was seeing OW for 10 months. We have been together 15 years.

Its DPs birthday today. DS had a birthday party this morning so I booked a massage and facial for DP as a treat whilst we were out. DP has woken up with a virus and couldnt go. He also said he was too ill to open the gifts I had chosen for him.

I don't know why but Ive flipped. I just wanted one happy memory. The last 18 months have been so hard for me. He has messed up my birthday for the last 3 years not getting me presents, not being there on Mothers Day. Every special occasion he has ruined. Say for example, we had a meal at the ritz bought for us. He stayed out all night the night before and rolled in at 11am. I then either have to let it go or have to cancel something Ive looked forward to for months.

I know its not his fault he is ill but I blame him because he doesnt look after himself. He drinks too much etc.

Last year, I took him out to a Gordon ramsey restaurant for his bday. When we got hime he went to the OW overnight (obviously I didnt know where he was). He then drove him at 8am so we could take DS to legoland. Obviously I went with it so as not to disapoint DS.

2015 he stood me up on his bday (I had a restaurant booked and had delivered a cake) and went out for a curry with his mates instead of out for dinner with me and DS. He stayed out all night.

I took this week off work to spend together. He ended up having to work in Spain from
mon - thur completely unexpected. He was supposed to be back wed morning, then it changed to thur morning then thur at midnight.

MIL has taken DS overnight as we were supposed to be going out for dinner. He wouldnt talk to me, just kept on ignoring me telling me to F off. I NEEDED to talk to him, I needed to let him know how much I'm hurting.

I get all these flashbacks of "this time last year" and when he was with OW and the lies he told.

I completely exploded, screaming at him. He recorded me going crazy. I was shouting in his face.

I accused him of still being with OW, of having an affair with a woman he works with and made him call her.

He stays out all night at least once a week, I feel like my world is upside down and I don't know who to trust. My closest friends knew about OW and didnt tell me.

I'm just sat here sobbing and he is downstairs. I feel like I'm crazy.

So if you're resigned to having to stay with him for the sake of the house, why the fuck are you celebrating his birthday? Is this that desperate thing where you hope it will guilt him into reciprocating? (It won't).

Just leave -life is too short

I expect you are doing his laundry and cooking for him

Stop all the "couple" stuff right now. He treats as no more than a domestic appliance.

He just told me that he is going out, that he stays out all night to get away from my moaning.

I don't talk to anyone in real life, I don't know who to trust.

Treats you

You are right, its because I want him to realise what he has got and to reciprocate. That makes me feel so pathetic saying that.

Love, he is off to fuck OW. The original OW or a new shiny one. And if he hasn't got one yet he soon will have. You being such a bitch, he is entitled to it right ?

He has no respect for you whatsoever.

He knows what he has got and he places no value on it.

Why on earth did you get back with him? He doesn't seem even remotely remorseful for his affair and continues to treat you like a doormat. I'd be wondering if the affair was still on-going / started one with someone else too, as his behaviour and attitude hasn't changed since returning to you.

I'm not surprised you've blown your top and gone mental. It sounds like a horrific way to live and would tip any if us over the edge eventually.

Do you love him OP?

OP you deserve so much more, someone who is faithful & plans your birthday to be special. Your H sounds like an ass & you can't trust him

As for staying with him for the sake of DC & your home you are showing DC that it's acceptable to treat someone like this. You're teaching that it's normal. How do you feel about that?

You've got amazing support & advice here, please find strength that you deserve more and leave this man

He is an arsewipe. An arsewipe who is clearly out shagging someone else. Sorry OP but you need rid of this dead weight. For the sake of both you and your DS.

Op, dump this loser. You've ruined his birthday??! He has been regularly ruining your life!

He is crap. Leave him.

He's scum. Not only is he only to
OW but he's manipulating you into believing it's your fault that he's had to go out to get away from you. Behaviour like this from my ex over a five year period sent me into a complete nervous breakdown which took years to recover from. Your posts are taking me right back.

What would you say if your DS treated his partner this way?

Or, your DS was treated this way?

What anyfucker said.

Where's your self respect? Locate it, package it up and use it to get angry.

Do you not have anywhere you can go? You aren't married are you? Do you work?

"You are right, its because I want him to realise what he has got and to reciprocate"

That won't happen ever.

This relationship well and truly was over the first time he was unfaithful to you. He continues to treat you with contempt and is not at all sorry for his actions let alone take any real responsibility for same.

Is this what you want to teach your son about relationships; that this ill treatment from his dad is acceptable to you on some level?.
Please do not continue to do your bit here to teach your son such crappy lessons about relationships. You would want him as an adult to treat all people with respect.

OP, whatever you do you are not going to get through to him and thank god because he's not worth it. What a horrible man. Apart from the cheating and a total lack of respect, saying he's too ill to open birthday presents is just evil. Please don't waste any more time on him.

He's punishing you for finding out he was shagging someone else and spoiling his fun.

He had the other woman for the fun bits and you at home to clean up after him and no doubt do his washing and ironing and raise his kid.

Wake up and realise he's a shit and life will be so much better without him.

Your DP got exactly what he wanted on his birthday - to throw your presents back in your face and make you feel like it was your fault that he is fucking off. He chose how to behave today and he chose to make you feel bad.
Do yourself a favour and don't let him back in. He is a waste of your time.

He will never realise because he doesn't give a shit. He has no respect for you. How could he possibly even start to have respect for you when you still allow him to treat you like dog shit?

He stays out once a week? He is still shagging about.

If you can't leave this arse hole for yourself then please leave for the sake of your son - because he will treat his wife like this. You have a duty to your son to help him grow up healthily and not be fucked up like his dad

Spain for work my arse. And one night away a week. I'll bet tonight's winning lottery ticket he's still shagging about.
Stop being a doormat and leave him to his bachelor lifestyle. Andget to the gum clinic.

"He just told me that he is going out"

So he was SO ill earlier, that it prevented him from even opening birthday gifts and cards from you and DS...but he's not too ill to go off out

The mans a toxic cretin

All the signs are there (and they are 100ft tall in flashing neon!) - he's still cheating with either the OP or another newer one.

You did not ruin his birthday. He has ruined your relationship though.

Get rid please.