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Original poster

Ex H is dating a 17 year old and our eldest is 16.

131 replies

user1489096597 · 09/03/2017 22:11

I'm really not keen on this. Our eldest child is 16 and obviously she's only a year older. Eldest thinks it's not right and isn't particularly keen on seeing her dad while he is seeing her but our youngest is 5 and I obviously make that decision. I don't know if it's enough to not be keen on him seeing his dad anymore?

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 09/03/2017 23:21

Ugh. Sounds like my ex (42) After managing to find himself a twenty five year old willing to sleep with him, he's now ditched her in favour of a nineteen year old. Count your blessings he's your ex and ask him what he thinks is a responsible male role model is for a sixteen year old girl.

HumpMeBogart · 09/03/2017 23:22

Should have added - I actually think this will be more damaging to your 16 yo than the 5 yo... poor girl Sad

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 09/03/2017 23:23

I wonder how he'd feel about your daughter having a 43 year old boyfriend.

RockyBird · 09/03/2017 23:23

It's ewwww and your 16 year old won't have to see him if she doesn't want to.

He's not breaking any laws though, only moral codes, so I don't know how you could stop your younger one seeing him.

Not that you're asking but YANBU.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 09/03/2017 23:23

44? 😳 Fucking hell!!

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2017 23:24

It's horrible

But having said that, don't use the 5 year old as a stick to beat him with. I'm sure your DS couldn't care less who his dad is seeing.

SilverdaleGlen · 09/03/2017 23:27

It's ew ew ew and your 16yo can make her own choice. But it isn't illegal and if there are no other concerns you can't and shouldn't stop your 5yos contact

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 09/03/2017 23:31

It's absolutely disgusting and it would make my skin crawl (it actually makes my skin crawl on your behalf) but unless he is abusive, negligent or otherwise a bad father to your son then it's not right to stop them seeing each other. Your son deserves a relationship with his dad. It's not right to use that as a punishment for exH's questionable behaviour. You have to try and see his romantic life as completely separate from his ability to be a good parent. Obviously the two would overlap if his partner was abusive towards your DC or similar, but this girl's age alone does not make her a danger to your son.

BlueFolly · 09/03/2017 23:32

Is he generally a good father? Have you met the 17 year old, does she seem nice? Clutching at straws here, but if the answer to those two questions is yes, then I wouldn't stop the 5 year old from seeing him.

Darlink · 09/03/2017 23:33

You might be repulsed by this but it doesn't affect his ability to be a father.

Toobloodytired · 09/03/2017 23:37

How long have they been together??

I can't imagine it would last very long, given her age.

It's weird & morally wrong.

However, unless it's illegal, the courts wouldn't look favourably on access being stopped

BettyBaggins · 09/03/2017 23:37

"It doesn't affect his ability to be a father."

I think his 16 year old daughter would disagree!

ShoutOutToMyEx · 09/03/2017 23:40

This happened at my school when I was in Year 11 - the dad one of the girls in my year got together with a girl in Lower Sixth. The girl in my year was FURIOUS.

IIRC school actually got involved in the end, more from a bullying perspective than a safeguarding one though.

She still doesn't speak to her dad 10 years on. Girlfriend is long gone, of course.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2017 23:45

Cant help hoping that she dumps him....

Strygil · 09/03/2017 23:45

What he is doing is not illegal so I suspect that you would get nowhere trying anything involving the family court. At the age of sixteen your daughter is entitled to make her own decision not to see her father and, should she feel able to, to tell him why - but she is not obliged to explain. She could simply call or text him to say "Won't be able to see you next Saturday" or whatever,. and keep on doing so for as long as necessary. If he asks why, then you may need to help her to explain, but he is bound to think you put her up to it, so you need to think that through. WRT the five year old I think in your shoes I would tell your ex that it will confuse [and might distress] the little boy to see his daddy with a girl-friend only a year older than his sister.

The people holding their noses about a 44 year old man having a relationship with a 17 year old need to get over themselves, I think. I never cease to be amazed by the rush to judge on this forum.

GabsAlot · 09/03/2017 23:52

what does he see in a girl that age though

barring the obvious surely they have noting in common she was born in the mjillenium for gods sake

ask him how he would feel if your dd was seeing someone his age

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/03/2017 23:53

Strygil You'd be OK with your 17 year old DD bringing a 44 year old man home to meet you would you? Hmm

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2017 23:56

The people holding their noses about a 44 year old man having a relationship with a 17 year old need to get over themselves, I think. I never cease to be amazed by the rush to judge on this forum.

You know what? I did judge. I do.

I judge a 44 year old man in a "relationship" with a girl who is still in school, who is potentially in the same school year as his own daughter. A girl who's father could well be YOUNGER than he is.

She is young and naive and living in a romantic fantasy with a man with a car and money the likes of which she will never see with boys her own age. He is a vile pig who is either a) trying to convince himself that he is actually 21 again, so the age gap is neglible or b) wants a very young lover and is a fucking borderline pervert.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/03/2017 00:07

I agree with you Pyong...my DD is 18 and even as an "adult" in the eyes of the law, it would be fucking revolting. Perhaps pointing out to him that his girlfriend would have only been a year old when his daughter was born might concentrate his perverted mind. As for those who are saying as long as she's nice to the 5 year old...she's a bloody kid, she should not be in the position of having to be a step-parent to a 5 year old. This is insane!!

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/03/2017 00:16

Well as you know Mrs, I dropped 19 year old DD off to start at Uni this week, and if she came home with the news that she had a 44 year old BF I would not be a happy bunny.

I was thinking something similar as you, maybe saying "Oh, she was at the same at the nursery that DD went to, do you remember?"....Wink

Owllady · 10/03/2017 00:23

I have a 17 year old daughter and I'd be really upset if she was going out with a 44 year old, it's 5 years older than me Hmm and as the OP I'd feel sick my stomach that my ex husband would do that too Confused so I hope you are ok x

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/03/2017 00:24

Yes you did Pyong, indeed you can't even fathom it when you look at your own child.

Disgusting pervert. I am more than happy to bloody judge!

TreeTop7 · 10/03/2017 00:27

What a perv!

It'll fizzle out soon enough, when a hot 21 year old with floppy hair shows her some interest. It's a novelty for her at the moment, she's a kid playing at grownups. I wouldn't let the 5 year old meet her, there's no point. He needn't witness his dad being a silly fool.

HumpMeBogart · 10/03/2017 00:31

Mrs: "As for those who are saying as long as she's nice to the 5 year old...she's a bloody kid, she should not be in the position of having to be a step-parent to a 5 year old."

It was me who said this. As part of a longer post.

Yes, she shouldn't be in this position, but since this is the situation and the OP can't legally stop it, surely it's better that the girl is nice to her son while the relationship runs its course..? I'd have thought the most important thing is minimising the damage to her kids.

JoffreyBaratheon · 10/03/2017 00:37

Very creepy.

If I was your daughter I'd make sure he couldn't see pictures of my friends on social media, must admit.

Makes you wonder how he was looking at his daughter's contemporaries, all that time.

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