Brave Babes are boinging into Spring..Join us here!

[dementedma]

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

Elba - where is your pain? Is it back pain?

Nope. Will be doing no prep tonight. Trying to find something to distract me that will stop me drinking. Loads of other stuff going on which I can't post about which is messing with my head!

Out for lunch tomorrow with friends. I will drive so can't drink, so hopefully can prep tomorrow

No it's pain from a dry socket after wisdom tooth extraction on Wednesday.

What can you do to distract? Can you go for a quick walk around the block, or a bath?

Elba sorry to hear you're still in pain, it makes you feel exhausted doesn't it? I do hope it eases soon.

Swars can you go and run yourself a bath? Have a long drink of water and a nap? A coffee? Anything to distract, it's early yet - have you eaten?

Wishing all the driers and triers strength tonight

Elba what strength codeine are you on? If it’s a lower dose, you might be able to ask for a higher strength to help you? You can take ibuprofen with codeine too, although don’t take paracetamol and codeine together unless you’re sure the codeine isn’t already combined with paracetamol

Swars can you put the bottle down, or pour it down the sink? If you don’t drink any more you will be more productive in the morning Well done on the interviews btw! A walk, a shower, cooking tea, going to the gym, doing some sit ups, straightening your hair, painting your nails – anything to keep you occupied or your hands busy to avoid drinking

swarskid2184 sorry to hear you're having a bad night. Totally get the lack of control

I've got the strong stuff made been taking 30mg doses, tried 60 (max dose) the first day but felt awful on it. Can't take ibuprofen or similar drugs unfortunately- they're generally great for dental type pain.

That said I've opted for the wine instead despite my experiences this morning. Have to work tomorrow so can't really drink much (is how I'm justifying it), but know I will probably feel horrible as a result. Especially with antibiotics thrown into the mix. Such an idiot.

Had a massive crash in mood this evening. Maybe partly pain, but also a load of really complex emotions that I can't begin to explain. Feel so sad, and like I'm openly and deliberately sabotaging myself. Can't explain it properly, but just sitting here close to tears yet again.

Sorry for the self absorbed rant. Hope everyone's as ok this evening as possible

Elba

Aww elba you poor thing. If 1 tablet isnt enough but two is too much, maybe try 1 and a half, to give you a bit of relief maybe? Hope youre ok, and dont bottle things up, post on here or talk to someone in rl, hope you feel better soon

Elba am also here nearly in tears - feeling like I have so much to look forward to and so much to be grateful for....but all I want is another glass of wine.

Sending you positive thoughts.

Had TWO large glasses of wine with dinner last night. I was in bed at 8 absolutely hammered as I'm now not used to it. Terrible sleep and up at 5.30 with a hangover.
It's not worth it. Why I did it I have no idea.

Elba84
Sorry to hear you are still in pain

Hi all, just a quick check in. I've been drinking since Tuesday. DH is back now and I suddenly feel I have so much more resources. Not drinking tonight.

Elba, swars, I feel for you. That panic's half the booze, half you feeling like you can't look after yourself. But you can. This is just a low. Keep on moving up, it'll get better

Hi new babes!

Sorry not to NC all but got a toddler running riot.

OK, back again. Wanted to respond to time.

Your story is very similar to mine. I tried AA but it wasn't a good fit for me. There are other options: there may be a local drug and alcohol advisory service which can offer you counselling. You may be able to refer yourself rather than going through your GP. I know that's the case where I am. Try googling your city/county + 'drug and alcohol advisory service' and see what comes up. If you have one and you can self-refer, it may be a good way to avoid it being on your health record. You may need to decline permission for them to link to your NHS record, but that's a perfectly reasonable option. I wish it wasn't on my health record, TBH. I was too bloody honest at the GP's. I have been screwed on life insurance premiums and I have had to discuss my past drinking problems with our mortgage advisor because of it

I went to a DAA counsellor for a few months when I first started to address my drinking. They will help you to cut down gradually. At first my counsellor asked me to keep a diary of my drinking, accurately recording how much I was drinking of what. Then we worked on reducing it week by week. At the level at which you're drinking I think that would be a good approach (either doing it yourself or with professional assistance). Why not try measuring everything and writing it all down? You can also note any feelings associated with drinking: before, during, or after. It really helped me, firstly by teaching me what a unit was, secondly by showing me the unadorned truth about how much I was drinking (you can't tackle something unless you can see it), and thirdly by identifying my trigger times and bad habits. I think I cut down by about 10 units a week. Digital scales are invaluable for this, if you have any in the kitchen: stand glass on scales, zero scales, set to 'ml' and pour a standard measure. Easy to keep track.

You are doing brilliantly by reducing. It's progress. It's hard to give yourself credit because you're 'still drinking', but think about what you're not drinking. It's a long, long road. It will take time, but you can totally do it. Rooting for you!

Hello one and all. Day 12. Best bit of not drinking at the moment for me is spending all the wine money on lovely food . I spent £15 on gorgeous steaks for tonight without a backwards glance. DH had his with a glass of red, I had mine with a glass of ginger beer. Lovely!

Sorry to see so many babes struggling just lately .

What do you think of Flora's post @TimetoChange4 ? It seems to be full of fantastic advice to me.

Sounds lovely bibbity

I need some fashion advice babes It's my induction tomorrow, and I'm unsure whether to play it safe and wear black trousers, black flats and a top, or to wear leggings, boots and a longish top. When I went for induction last time lots of people were in jeans, so I'm unsure. Any advice appreciated

made being comfortable will give you confidence so go for the leggings and boots if it's fairly informal atmosphere the induction.

Hi everyone else, will post properly soon x

Flora thank you for your post - makes a lot of sense. Today is the start of change. I am not going to buy any wine - DH is doing that. He understands that we need to work together on this and not just tell me I need more self control. I feel relieved to be honest although also worried I'll get cross and have a go at my DH. I've given him my credit card - which sounds pathetic but that's what I feel I need to do.
I wake every morning with terrible palpitations and I know that partly the alcohol and partly anxiety from worrying what the drink is doing to me. I'm hoping to cut down and eventually either only have a glass or 2 Saturday or maybe none at all. At the moment i just dont know - one step at a time I guess

bibbity I thought I might keep a tally of what I'm saving on alcohol and use it to treat myself too.

made good luck for today x

elba swars hope you have a better day today

Aw time I could have written that. I've written on the family board no wine til Friday. Thankfully I feel just the right level of shit after the weekend. Hardly slept at all last night cause of the drinking

Flora and Time - some very thought-provoking posts. I wanted to think a bit about where I stand with the whole AA thing.

Fundamentally, I think AA is very weird (and I'm saying that as someone who doesn't technically have a problem with the notion of "a Higher Power", as I'm a practising Christian).

I find a lot of it hugely anachronistic and peculiar and almost cult-like. I was (and am) disappointed that my local alcohol service pushes and pushes AA meetings and actually say, when challenged, that they have no alternative!!! In this day and age. Really?!

BUT - what I would say I've found helpful about AA is letting go of the madness, the constant battles with myself, the struggle. I prefer the science behind CBT and SMART Recovery principles etc, however, if I'm feeling wobbly, I find going to a meeting for an hour (however weird) - helps. It's an hour where I can listen to other people who totally get it. And hearing other people's successes gives me a huge boost. It's not all doom and gloom and "rock bottom" etc. And I'm not alone in wanting NOT to drink alcohol. And meetings are everywhere - and people in AA are everywhere - so there is support available 24/7.

I wanted to say that I totally totally hear you on not feeling AA was right for you. But my take on it, having fought the addiction battle for YEARS (by which I mean living as a "high-functioning" wine/gin-o'clock Mum and businesswoman) is that if anything helps me, even a little bit, I am grabbing onto it. AA is a part of that for me.

It's working for me so far.

Pro-alcohol messages are everywhere - I was looking in our local gift shop window this morning on the way back from the school run and there was a "Mummy's wine glass" with "Kid's in bed - wine o'clock!" on it - and a GIN-scented candle. Mental.

However, I'm quietly 25 days sober , have a jar full of wine/gin money - and no regrets .

I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm not an AA-thumping maniac, but have found some useful tools there for sobriety. An open mind.

Great post unwise. Although AA didn't work for me I can see that it does work for many people. I share your sense of unease about some of its principles but I also see that the mutual support it offers is invaluable.

AA made me feel incredibly anxious. I felt like to be accepted I had to submit to the group and to its philosophy, including believing in a higher power, professing myself powerless and labelling myself an alcoholic forever. For most of my childhood I felt lonely and powerless, and had to submit to my mother's control. I couldn't submit again, without being 100% comfortable with what I was submitting to. And I wasn't.

That's not to say it's bad. It was just very triggering for me. In some ways I wish it wasn't because I'd be more able to engage with it as you have, on a 'appreciate the good bits' basis. Because there are lots of good bits. And it has clearly been an amazing tool for you.

I desperately wanted a RL support group that didn't come with a creed. I looked at SMART, even went as far as the door of a meeting. Outside were a bunch of rough-as-you-like scary-looking young men, horsing around and swearing at each other. I walked past and pretended I was going somewhere else. That was a huge problem for me. There are allegedly thousands of us naice ordinary women out there, drinking too much, but every service I accessed was basically me + a room full of serious street drinkers, 90% male. I felt like a specimen. People were constantly astounded at my presence. Yet I'm not extraordinary. And I'm not saying I'm better than them. It just made it so intimidating and hard to get professional help.

Bloody well done on 25 days sober! That's amazing.

unwise very true re pro drinking. It's all over my instragram, in the Tesco magazine wine or fizz next to every recipe.

I can't go to AA where I live as it's held in my church.

Also with groups like AA I'd worry it would be like slimming world. When you go to that it's like taking an exam knowing you haven't revised enough. People say well done for losing weight and ask what you're going to do differently next week if you've gained.
Incidentally I'm over weight from the alcohol and so joined SW but I can't sit there saying I know I've gained weight cos I drank a lot of wine

I'm planning on cutting down this week and see how I get on.

I'm sure the 'wine-o-clock/mummy's special juice' culture of our times will be viewed with horror by future generations. A lot like we see smoking in the cinema or giving kids cigarette sweeties.

It's bonkers. It really is.

Hi all,
Elf you are an inspiration my lovely.

Yes, I've written before about the 'pro-drinking' message everywhere, everytime I log into Facebook there's a silly meme about how great gin is or how 'mummy' can't survive without Prosecco, it's total bollocks. I have a money box I was given 'Mum's wine fund' how about 'Dad's crack fund' or 'Grannies Heroin habit fund' ? Not so amusing then is it?

Lots of babes seem to be struggling right now and I'm sorry to hear it and hope you read and take strength from our wise Elf

Can I mention the fear of missing out a little? I don't go out often, part due to the expense and part running home, family etc. but I did meet friends over the weekend and it was lovely, they got stuck into the wine, offered me some and I explained I would stick with fizzy water, and the most that they said was 'You sure?' .
I did explain that actually my boozing was becoming problematic so I had decided to try and quit or moderate as much as possible and after many backslaps/well dones, they asked 'Do you mind if we have another bottle?' - I have the BEST friends. I had a lovely time you know, and when I returned from lunch, the whole evening was mine, in the old days I would have staggered in after the lunch, opened another bottle and fallen asleep in front of a film. I am finding this new way of life very freeing, I am missing out on nothing.

luxurywoman I was think you've hit the nail in the head.
The fear of missing out but also others questioning not drinking.
I gave up fizzy drinks over 2 years ago after a nutritionist pointed out even Diet Coke puts you on the sugar rollacoaster. I don't miss it but the amount of people who were dismissive and made excuses why they still drink it was amazing. I wasn't criticising anyone - it was a personal choice.

I worry I'll miss it but that's only because we're conditioned to think it's great. I remember my dad encouraging me to have alcohol in late teens and almost negative because I didn't want to.

I'm looking forward to freeing myself