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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes are boinging into Spring..Join us here!

999 replies

dementedma · 05/03/2017 17:52

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

OP posts:
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marfisa · 13/03/2017 14:42

BUT - what I would say I've found helpful about AA is letting go of the madness, the constant battles with myself, the struggle. I prefer the science behind CBT and SMART Recovery principles etc, however, if I'm feeling wobbly, I find going to a meeting for an hour (however weird) - helps. It's an hour where I can listen to other people who totally get it. And hearing other people's successes gives me a huge boost. It's not all doom and gloom and "rock bottom" etc. And I'm not alone in wanting NOT to drink alcohol. And meetings are everywhere - and people in AA are everywhere - so there is support available 24/7.

Popping out of lurkdom to say I agree with this statement by Elf 100%! I got sober through AA two years ago (after years of failed attempts to moderate on my own) and to me the core of AA is listening to other people's stories and knowing that I'm not alone. I still go to about three meetings a week as I find they have a hugely relaxing effect. I suffer badly from anxiety and I usually find the tension draining out of me over the course of the meeting. Whereas I used to have to use alcohol to relieve the tension.

I'm very anti-religious and anti-dogma (I grew up in a fundamentalist church in the US and once I 'escaped' I never looked back). I'm also an academic. So the notion of a creed in AA did put me right off. However, I was desperate enough to try it and for me, it worked. I found the so-called creed quite flexible in practice. I don't have a higher power apart from the benefit I get from going to meetings as I see it, the meetings help me access the better, saner part of myself that I couldn't get consistent access to before. So GOD = 'Group of Drunks' but not in the sense that I'm going to do whatever people in the group tell me just in the sense that I pick and choose from what they say in order to help me lead my own life alcohol-free.

As for powerlessness/submission, I hate those notions too (physical abuse was a feature of my religious childhood). However, I now understand powerlessness in a very specific sense: it means realising that I can't control everyone and everything in my life, and that I'm not responsible for everyone else's unhappiness and everything that goes wrong. In that sense, powerlessness is actually quite freeing. For instance: a traffic jam makes me late for work, my five-year-old has a tantrum and won't eat his breakfast, etc., etc. Instead of freaking out and wanting to drink over these things (which I often did before), I acknowledge that I can't control them and just try to keep going and retain a modicum of sanity. 'Life on life's terms' they say in AA. I focus on the things I CAN control and try to look after myself and be kind to myself, the way I would to a stressed-out friend.

There's a book called A Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps which is a kind of feminist version of AA. AA was founded by religious white men in middle America in the 1930s, and yes, elements of it are sexist! So this book helped me rethink AA and become comfortable with reshaping its ethos into a tool that worked for me.

Some of the meetings I go to are also NA meetings even though alcohol is the only 'drug' I've ever used. The NA literature is more secular and less old-fashioned than the AA literature. NA focuses not on the substance itself but on the patterns of addiction (and TBH I have addictive behaviours in lots of different areas of my life: eating/spending/working, what-have-you).

Maybe the AA meetings in my town are unusually tolerant, I don't know, but I'm by no means the only 'skeptic' who attends them. Off the top of my head I can think of a woman who is secretary of an AA meeting and freely confesses that she hates the Big Book (ha! I'm no fan of it myself), another man who is secretary of an AA meeting that meets in a local liver ward and freely confesses that he has never made it past Step One but has been sober for decades (whatever works for him!) and so on.

Sorry this has become really long but I think AA can help people if you see it primarily as a group of human beings sharing their struggles with one another. For me it became a kind of non-virtual version of the Bus. With the main difference being that AAers have mostly all come to the conclusion that sobriety (not moderation) is the only thing that works for THEM (I emphasise 'them' as people are different!).

There is no easy way to get sober and I can understand that AA doesn't work for everyone, but I love love love being sober and I don't think I could have got there without AA. Good luck to you on your journey, Elf -- and all the other inspiring babes! xx

Flowerydems · 13/03/2017 14:45

Lux the fear of missing out is strong here aswell, but I've started to realise I have no ability to rein myself in when I'm out. I am ashamed of my behaviour on Saturday, I ended getting a drink thrown on me cause I stood up for my friend, he wanted to let it go but in my tequila blurred thinking I couldn't cause she was out of order.
The last time I was out I got removed from the pub cause I was being a wise ass aswell.

I drink cause I'm sad, and I go out cause I'm lonely, I've managed to depress myself today and I just want to be at home with dh and the kids. I know the drink is making me lower than normal but the fact I can't remember things is scaring me

LuxuryWoman2017 · 13/03/2017 14:48

I worried I would miss it too Time couldn't begin to imagine a life without wine. Truth is I don't now, I miss the idea of the 'together' kind of woman, sipping on her Chablis, laughing with friends, having a good time, but I know it's an illusion, the truth is a whole lot messier. It's about a sore head, sleeping with make-up on sometimes, always planning so the fridge is never empty of wine/beer//tonic, sneaking empties out to the recycling so your partner doesn't realise you've already sunk a bottle before dinner, snapping at your children because you want to 'relax' and waking up at 3am, thinking for the umpteenth time 'I must knock this on the head'

I will not declare myself teetotal or a non drinker, I will have a cold beer from time to time if I fancy it, but I can walk away from that. It's bloody, bloody wine which casts a spell, and it's my enemy, dressed up all pretty and seductive I grant you, but it's no good for me.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 13/03/2017 14:58

Sorry Flowery I cross posted with you there. Your weekend sounds messy. The not remembering things was one of my reasons for stopping. Do you know, even now every morning, I wake up and ask myself 'How do I feel today' it's so weird, that mild hangover was so normal to me I still expect it.

One thing I read about addiction, and I think it may be from AA, but I'm not sure. 'Change your playground, change your playmates'
Such simple words but they make total sense to me. I don't think we have to drop our friends and social lives but perhaps find different things to do while we adjust to new habits.

ThoroughlyModernFlora · 13/03/2017 15:17

Really thought provoking post marfisa. Loving hearing about others' stories and feelings.

Time I was terrified of limiting my access to booze when I started down this path. But honestly there's a whole world out there with so much stuff to offer that's way better than a glass of wine.

Alcohol is a false friend. It seems like it helps you stay level and survive, but it's providing short term relief from problems it caused itself. You just have to take a leap of faith in breaking that cycle.

A few more great things about AF times:
You always know that what you feel is real
Sleep is actually refreshing
The anxiety and guilt drop off

I find that many people are supportive of you turning down a drink (like lux's lovely friends!) You may be surprised. Alternatively,
'I'm on a health kick' is a great cover-all. Or 'I'm dieting'. If you know them well enough you can just say 'I counted my units and I'm drinking too much, want to cut down.' You don't have to tell the whole truth. When you drink heavily the shame can feel so bad that you feel like you shouldn't ever let on to anyone that there's a problem, not even a bit. Truth is that most people will just shrug and say 'ok', if they notice at all.

At my age they also assume I'm pregnant Hmm

flowery you sound low Sad you sit tight at home, have a recovery day. A good night's sleep should see you better tomorrow Flowers

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/03/2017 16:30

It's still Lent until 16th April - if you can't face telling people you aren't drinking because you're taking good care of yourself, you could always say you've given up for Lent!

TimetoChange4 · 13/03/2017 18:04

Great post marfisa certainly food for thought

flowery Are you at home tonight with DH? Flora is right - good night's sleep will help

Lux OMG thats my truth and when you see it written down, doesnt look so good does it Sad

I've been fine all day but am now in a grump and have palpitations. Am now thinking DH buying the wine so I have less is not a good idea but am concerned if I go cold turkey will I feel ill.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/03/2017 18:15

I think you posted that you were drinking 140 units per week? My understanding is that you would be very ill if you went cold turkey so please don't!

I am going to try and link to a very old thread which stuck with me after reading it. It pre-dates the brave babes and is a fine example of Mumsnet rallying round to help a poster in trouble. She definitely had to reduce before quitting, but quit she did - such an inspiring story.

I'll come back and link it, hang on.

ThoroughlyModernFlora · 13/03/2017 18:25

What's your plan, time? Are you AF tonight or cutting down tonight? If the latter, how much will be less?

I find it helps to have a clear plan. If you freestyle it leaves the wine witch space to creep in.

Sorry to hear you're feeling crap. It's withdrawal. Do look after yourself - nice comfy clothes, keep warm, eat regularly.

ThoroughlyModernFlora · 13/03/2017 18:26

X-posted bibbity. I agree cold turkey on your own is not a good idea time Sad

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/03/2017 18:39

Here is the thread, started by BrassicMonkey, nearly 10 years ago!

here

She was drinking very heavily and the experienced posters who answered her initial cry for help all agreed that she should not go from 160 units per week to 0 because it would be so dangerous.

theansweris42 · 13/03/2017 18:42

Great posts to read and digest thank you

dementedma · 13/03/2017 19:27

haven't read back, just checking in.
I fell again today, outside on the path. Two full length body splats in two months....slightly worried. Only hurt my hands this time.

Have decided to look for another job. Cant do this one any more, too much pressure to find the money to pay the staff etc. Met with a Veteran last week and, in the course of our meeting, i explained that I had been ploughing a bit of a lone furrow within the wider business community in terms of getting support for ex-forces personnel. He looked at me and said, "Then, on behalf of all of us ma'am, thank you".
I don't know how I got through the rest of the meeting. But I can't do it any more on my own. I'm very tired.

OP posts:
LuxuryWoman2017 · 13/03/2017 19:30

bibbity I have started reading the thread you linked to - thank you. I hope that poster managed to quit and go on to a better life, it's difficult reading isn't it?

Someone on that thread, who had had a dreadful time, losing close ones to alcohol and struggled herself (and got really ill) says something that I agree with (forget the AA part as I have no experience of them) 'AA gave me a design for living, after all, once we take the booze away we need to replace it with something else'

This resonates with me because wine was filling an empty space in my life , one I am learning to fill. At the moment it's shallow things, taking the time to paint my nails and deep condition my hair, but it's for me and makes me feel good, and keeps me busy. In time it might become something more worthy but right now it's whatever gets me through the night.

People lurking might think my alter ego thing is odd or weird, but I don't care, it helps me to look objectively at myself as the woman I want to be, and I constantly ask - 'would that woman^ (luxury woman) do that?
Beyoncé has an alter ego that gets her on stage every night - if it's good enough for her!

TimetoChange4 · 13/03/2017 19:41

I reckon I have minimum of 70 units (10 per bottle) per week and maybe between 105 & 140. Sounds awful Sad

DH has gone out leaving me in the house with the 1 bottle of white (I prefer red so thought this might help)

Have had palpitations for last hour. Not sure if that is anxiety thinking about opening the bottle or withdrawal. Maybe I have some tonight and not tomorrow (I definitely cant start til 9pm tomorrow)

However I DO know that if I have 1/2 a bottle, thats better than last Monday and even though I feel bad for thinking about drinking, I wont feel as bad as normal tomorrow.

Flowerydems · 13/03/2017 19:46

Thanks guys time I am indeed in tonight. Got my shopping delivered so I'm trying this chai latte stuff and taking a sleeping pill in a couple of hours. The mood hasn't got any better so I know I'll get anxious trying to sleep without a bottle glass

How's everyone else getting on tonight? I know I can do this but I'm worried tomorrow will make me want wine again, I'm thinking of trying to start to crochet again, also been thinking about embroidery

Flowerydems · 13/03/2017 19:49

Time just x posted with you. Hope you're ok, I'm averaging over 70 units a week aswell so the palpitations are familiar. I'm just trying to take deep breaths and remember the shakes only last as long as they do when I start to focus and panic about them.

If you know you won't go further maybe have a glass but I'm so familiar with the slippery slope

LuxuryWoman2017 · 13/03/2017 19:56

Ma so sorry to hear you've hurt yourself again, hot bath, early night?
Sounds like you've made a good decision about your job, your posts sound like you've had more than enough and it's time for change Flowers

Flowery and time my lovelies, would you think about some extra help? A chat with the doctor? Over 70 units a week is an awful lot, straying into territory you may need some supervision with. Would you consider it?

ThoroughlyModernFlora · 13/03/2017 19:57

time does that mean you've yet to drink today?

It feels wrong to recommend you do, but I'm worried about you stopping abruptly.

Flowerydems · 13/03/2017 20:01

Ma hope you're ok, I fall over a lot aswell but if you're worried maybe see the doc, even something as simple as an ear infection can throw you off your balance

Lux I know it's awful I didn't think about how many units were in the bottles til recently. I'm just thinking I can manage til at least Thursday this week. My problem is always the habit, see if I have something else to do I can put it to the back of my mind but it has escalated

LuxuryWoman2017 · 13/03/2017 20:08

Flowerey you know I'm just concerned? You'll never get any judgement from me, I just want you to be safe.
Crochet sounds a great idea as an absorbing past time, why not?

Flowerydems · 13/03/2017 20:15

Oh lux I didn't read that back properly, I know there's no judgment, that's the only reason I could ever admit it here. I never thought I'd drink this much during the week and I know I should probably go to the doctors but I'm always worried they'd question my ability to cope with the kids etc if that makes sense.

I can totally do this, I'm researching diet plans tonight, dh is on board with helping me fight this. I'm planning on the gym tomorrow night and I'd be negating all that hard work if I give in to the evil witch

TimetoChange4 · 13/03/2017 20:17

Step 1.
I insisted we all eat together as I don't drink as much once eaten. Meant DH had to go to gym later but it has helped
Step 2.
I've left the kitchen. I usually sit in here happily drinking
Step 3.
Tv off and Reading a book from the library and my puzzles as recommended on this thread.

One glass of white win (picking white was a good plan as I don't enjoy it as much)
Think might go to bed at 9 to watch
Broad church

Feeling pathetic tonight BUT will have drunk 3rd of usual Monday and will feel better tomorrow

LuxuryWoman2017 · 13/03/2017 20:23

Actually Flowerey I've just done some sums and I'll raise your 70. Shit, can't believe I never realised.
I mean I knew I drank a lot but 80/90 units?
You sound strong and thoughtful, you've got this.

Time you've in control tonight, I had a lot of early bed times in the 1st few weeks. It does help.

Flowerydems · 13/03/2017 20:26

Lux honestly it's scary cause I'd never think about it before. Haha I'm maybe too thoughtful cause I tend to put myself in a panic

Time it's a good first step, I'm mooching watching the good wife and knowing I'll remember the episode is a nice thought. I tend to go for crosswords for puzzles, easy ones you get at home bargains none of that times ones. I am the same if it's something I like drinking I'll struggle to stop I'm wanting to have self control again