Brave Babes are boinging into Spring..Join us here!

[dementedma]

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

it is ^tipping* it down here, and hurrah I think I'm starting another bloody cold. I thought dropping wine would make me somehow amazingly healthier! I expect it has really, no real miracles.

Ah, the gin emoticon, that's a tribute to a much loved Mumsnetter Zombie, who sadly passed away recently. I gather she loved a gin,, ciggie and a good boogie - so we can forgive the emoticon in the circs.

As has become the norm I have no issue now with dry weekdays, just have to be aware at the weekends.

Time to take some paracetamol and hope this sore throat doesn't develop

Ah OK, I was aware of Zombie.
All is forgiven MN

Get well soon lux!

Irony is that Zombie actually drank pints and whiskey, but never mind - it's the thought that counts!

Very thoughtful thread today babes. Suspect that I was a draining friend for a while when life went pear shaped, but I'm working on it now!
I used to have this amazing friend who was mega bright and fascinating but not very nice.she came from a privileged background which isn't really relevant other than I felt she really had no understanding of less privileged backgrounds. She had been to private school and was very competitive. She was just sooo interesting and clever but kind of selfish too. I haven't seen her for a year.
I'm rambling aloud now. This is what happens when you get old. (Nods wisely and rubs chin hairs)

There was a really good thread about drinking elsewhere on MN. Lots of discussion of what it means to be a functioning alcoholic and how drinking can just creep up on a girl.

Ah guggs I think it's normal to go through periods of needing more from friends than you can give. That's what real friendship's about. It's just when it's all one way all the time that it gets wearing.

Flora your 11:38 post is basically me!

I've realised that over the years I've been a magnet for super outgoing 'friends' who just want a quiet sidekick and don't really give a damn about me. I've given up a bit when it comes to making news friendships because I have such a poor radar for these types. Cutting people off isn't fun but sometimes you have to grow a backbone and say 'enough' to these one-sided friendships, especially the ones that always want to talk at you and never ever listen or give back. What I hate is that they'll never realise what they're doing, even if you try and point it out.

Also, does anyone else struggle with boredom when trying to cut back/stop drinking? I think there was a discussion a while back about it. I'm frustrated with my life and it feels so empty sometimes, and my town is very quiet so there isn't much to do. Feels like Groundhog Day sometimes. I'm fed up of reading and Netflix and sitting at the computer, but don't know what else to do.

Ah but Carte what did you do while you were drinking? If you went out with friends you can still do that, if you drank at home like me, well what usually happened is I would lie on the sofa, knocking back wine, squinting at the telly and nodding off - such fun!

I do know what you mean, I had to force myself to do other things - paint my nails, crosswords, call friends, beauty treatments, play games with dd, organise the house (ongoing and endless) listen to the radio - but these things have become habit, just like the wine became a habit and now I'm rather relishing having this extra time to 'get stuff done'

Takes a while to change a mindset though.

You are right flora. Really interesting topic though. I guess we're all stuck with our family, unless they are vile but need to pay attention to friendships to check that they still work!

You're right Luxury, and the truth is I did the same bloody things only with a drink in my hand! The alcohol was just covering up the boredom and dissatisfaction. It's nice to hear that it can change though, and that even enjoyable habits need a bit of effort before they set in.

There's a poem that describes trying to change really well. Autobiography in Five Short Chapters By Portia Nelson

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

Ruby hello and fab news on day 10!
Flora I kind of relate to you, but rather than just being a listening tool, I can be a walkover too. Well, I’ve gotten better now at standing up for myself but I’ve always tended to choose the wrong frien
dships, where the ‘friend’ uses me, my best friend says I’m ‘too nice’
Lux it’s a fantastic feeling isn’t it? I bet you feel so much healthier. I know re the weather, it’s absolutely pissing down here
Bibbity day 20 is awesome!
Carte I love the poem

Can I join you please? I'm on day 1 and determined to succeed. I've name changed because I don't want anyone irl to figure out this is me.

I don't think I want to cut out alcohol completely, but I need it to be something I do when I make an active choice rather than drinking a bottle of wine by myself in the evening out of habit. I used to be quite good, but over the past year I have probably drank an average of 5 nights out of 7, gained 2 stone in weight and failed to pay off any of my credit card debt.

So, my current plan is absolutely no drinking midweek, or when I'm alone. I don't have any social plans this week so now seems like a good time to start.

I love the poem carte! Thank you for sharing it.

I reckon I'm on III.

Hi Amelia! Day 1 is a good day it's the start of lots of good things.

Welcome Amelia just join in, well done on deciding to make changes. You'll get lots of support here.

I'm going to have to call it a day, feel pretty grotty now so will say goodnight and catch up tomorrow.

Hi Amelia and welcome! How are you doing today, how are you finding things? Are you drinking tonight?

Thanks all! I'm not drinking tonight - I'm on juice instead. I'm definitely feeling the boredom but I'm about to have a long bath to pass an hour.

Sounds lovely Amelia, my favourite pamper night is a nice long bath, with body butter afterwards, jammas heated on the radiator or in the tumblr, and a good comedy like Dads Army or Only Fools and Horses

Hi Amelia hope you enjoyed your bath. I suddenly feel as though there's loads to do, I think it's because I usually ignore the chaos and have a drink. I'm actually going to have to get organised now. Damn it 😀

Morning all. On my way to work. Day 11. Hope you have a good day.

Love the poem Carte

Another gorgeous day of rain It's such a small thing but I finally managed to sleep from 10pm until 6, only waking up briefly at 3. It's been months since I've managed that and I could cry with relief.

I feel the same about 'loads to do', ruby. Along with that I'm trying to curb my innate impatience slightly. Like I don't actually have to try to get it ALL done immediately. This is new for me. I have a tendency to overwhelm myself with impossible standards and escape into the gin... baby steps! Day 11 is fabulous - well done!!!

carteblah I'm with you on the sleep thing. It's a-ma-zing to be able to sleep properly. Sooooo restorative. And waking up with a clear head and no anxiety or regrets! Yay!

Welcome, amelia. This is a very friendly and supportive bus. Good to have you here - and all the other newer Babes I haven't NC-ed whilst being v self-absorbed the past few weeks.

Not much to report here. I had a strange weekend. On the surface it was fine, but underneath, sans booze, I found I have soooooo many resentments and annoyances and peeves and irritations. I tried to just observe the feelings dispassionately but honestly. Blimey it would have been easier to drink. But no! Road less travelled and all that... I just don't quite know what to do with all the feelings.

And that's ok. I don't have to have all the answers. Recognition and acceptance are enough for now.

Have a brilliant day, everyone!

Hi everyone,

Guggs, I suspect I'm going to be that draining friend you refer to - don't say anything for ages, turn up back on the bus and write a me me me post. Do you know where the thread about functioning alcoholics can be found?

Love the poem Carte. I am at III but I don't get out immediately.

I am at my lowest ebb Babes. I don't remember feeling this low or defeated before. I drank basically all of last week and made a total arse of myself in front of my DH's family on Saturday. I had to ask my DS, who is 6, what I had done and what time we had left. That sentence makes me hate myself. My worst drinking is now not taking place at home on my own, it's taking place on a public stage in front of friends and family. And once I start I cannot stop. And I cannot stop.

It's been a very long time since I thought about ending it all, but the last few days I've had those thoughts running through my head. I can't see a way out. I can't let my DSs grow up with a drunk. I have an appointment with my GP next week - I wasn't planning on telling her about the drinking, just about feeling depressed and needing grief counselling, but I think I need to tell her everything.

I am functioning. I am at work. I smile when my DSs are around. But inside I am dying and I hate hate hate myself.

We have an emergency on the bus Babes.
Margie firstly please accept a massive squidge from me. I understand exactly about having to ask your small child to fill in the blanks, been there many, many times and it was the kick I needed to make massive changes - I was lucky and didn't find it too difficult, you may be very different which is why I am going to urge you to yes, talk to your doctor.

I don't know all your story but you mention grief councelling (damn, I really can't spell that word) so you have obviously been through the wringer. I suspect many of us have turned to drink in the darkest hours, it's what we do (or did) but it can change. We know that through so many of the inspirational stories on here and in other places.
Your sons need you, keep that appointment and tell the GP, it's what they are there for.
Keep posting if you can, The other thread was in chat I think, I'll see if I can find it.

Hopefully this works

www.mumsnet.com/.../2881329-are-people-who-think-their-excessive -drinking-goes-unnoticed-deluded-or-are-there-fun...

Margie I can so identify with not wanting to tell the GP. I've been back and forth to mine for years for counselling, anxiety, depression - anything rather than fessing up to my self-medication with alcohol. Until a couple of months ago - when I told him and started to get help.

I'm sorry you are dealing with grief. I have a lot of unprocessed and traumatic grief from my early adolescence/adulthood and I know that turning to alcohol was part of my way of handling that.

Welcome to the bus and post as much as you need. You will find many many many kindred spirits here. We all have stories like yours - and it can and will get better. Truly.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/healthy-living/virginia-ironside-why-i-gave-up-alcohol-2172619.html

Just read this old article and found it quite interesting.

I was hoping you'd show up Elf just the person, Margie has been on the bus for some time but not posted much lately so your paths may not have crossed.

Hope everyone else is OK, I am still scratchy throated and sneezing but will survive a few germs.