Brave Babes are boinging into Spring..Join us here!

[dementedma]

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

Thanks mint. I am going to ask Scottish Govt as they are keen to adopt the Australian model over here and they have enough money swilling around to be able to afford it.

Sorry you're having a bad time mint sounds awful. I'd be cross about the sponsoring too. Would it help to ask for a quantified amount, a small one, just to get people started? picked your luxury yet?

magood for you! You never give up. Be all them lovely men in uniform inspiring you onwards 😎

I will not be drinking today even though Ds was an utter little sod for all of yesterday. He has much room tidying and homework to do to compensate for appalling behaviour. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Hi babes, just checking in, still reading and as always I'm blown away by your honesty, kindness and support of each other on this magical bus. I've been sober since last July and have never ever regretted my choice, I don't miss the booze and my life has changed immeasurably for the better. In a very twisted way it was easier for me to stop, I was about to lose my kids, my relationship, my parents and very soon at the end, my life. I do not exaggerate, I was a dirty, filthy abusive 24hr a day drunk. Everyone hated me, no one could bare to look at me. All I had left was this bus and the angels on it. That's why I owe this bus so much and I feel a connection with every single one of you and nod my head emphatically reading your posts.

Keep on keeping on xxx

guggenheim
One of my family members has made an anonymous donation and several friends have told me that it was them.
I'm tempted to NC and post a thread up. It's made me really cross!
My luxury today is going to be dyeing my hair and watching Holby/Casualty on catch up.
dementedma
Fingers and paws crossed here for you.
babyjane1
Oh well done, you amazing woman.

Hi all. Just checking in. I haven't caught up with everyone but can see the support here is free-flowing as always

How is everyone gearing up for Mothers Day? Make it an opportunity to grab yourself some luxury, whether that be a meal out with all the family or an hour's solitude away from the kids

My teenagers usually wash my car for me (or persuade dh to pop it down to the valeting service) and that's a luxury in my book as it's one less job for me to do.

Are we going to go all out and treat ourselves to an AF day too?

Morning all.
Just checking in.
I've had the wine I'm "allowed" over weekend.
Haven't overdone it. Have just been here watching telly and drinking alone though, so the posts about that are interesting.

Did text H last night though as he's been ignoring me. I think he's ended it but hasn't come out and said so cos he's a coward.
So that was a tipsy fail.
Not all bad though, as he wasn't nice in the texts and I'm pretty sure I'm better off alone.
So, has wine enhanced my weekend?
Did an extra shift yest so not really had a rest and have had the rubbish wine sleep.

I know all this. But it's that first glass, it's sitting down, it's a marker that the day is done. It makes me feel warmed and jollified.

I'd rather like to just feel warmed and jollified by myself /DC /positives in life!

Happy Sunday all. AF today.

You are one hell of a strong, gutsy brave babe BabyJane - and living proof that if you keep on keeping on after a lapse then you will win in the end! Have a great Sunday xx.

And a great Sunday to everyone else too! I am off to the supermarket (such larks) and wine and gin is on the list for DH, but today I will not be drinking .

Hello everybabe,
Hope everyone well, I have read but am doing a heap of chores so just flying by today.

Had a couple of planned drinks over the weekend, not ww though so I'm in control.

Out to dinner later so need to tidy myself up.
Have a good day all.

I've been a right dick to a couple of people irl recently, family mostly Depression + sleeping badly + trying to stop drinking has turned me into a snappy horrible person. I don't mean for it to slip out but it's so obvious when I'm in a bad mood. I think I'm hiding it but then someone will mention that I seem really angry and I realise I'm just a shit actor!

Sorry to be all dramatic but I don't know how people go out into the world and get on with things and just live, I really don't. Every single thing just takes so much effort.

Also, I really hope things ease up for all of you who are in pain and that you get some relief soon

baby you are absolutely fucking awesome!
faire I like the idea of treating ourselves to an AF day, instead of seeing it as denial. for mother's day , dd2 is taking me to see Beauty and the Beast and I am taking my mum too! DD1 and DS will sort out dinner for when we come out of cinema.
My dick of a little brother has upset my mum. He lives about 200 miles away with Sil. but never makes the effort to come up and see mum. He will do the grand gesture - a huge, in your face bouquet of flowers for example, but she would rather just see him and spend time with him. He phoned her today, full of how busy his life is (just him and SIL, no dcs) and then said that next weekend he and SIL would be off to spend the weekend at his MILs for mothers' day. Insensitive twat. Mum will be 82 this year and he and SIL could easily have split and gone to their respective mothers for one fucking day!

Hello, how is everyone this evening?
Mint hope you’re not really flooded! The weather’s dire isn’t it, no one would guess that it is almost April. Hope you are ok and feeling alright despite the infection Ooh, what colour hair are you going, anything exciting?
Gugg how old is ds? Any chance of getting him to bed early so you can have a nice chilled evening? Was going to sugest leaving him to entertain himself in his room with cuddly toys and a child proof gate, but that’d only work on 3 yr olds I think and 3 yr olds don’t have homework
Baby you’re so inspiring, I love reading your posts, you sound so strong
Faire I’m not a mam but we’re going out for a meal (will be in Cornwall actually, leaving Saturday next) in a meadery in Penzance that Mam likes
42 good going on not overdoing it
Bibbity hope the shops weren’t too busy, or that other shoppers weren’t too annoying
Lux hope you’ve had a lovely meal out, where did you go?
Carte Don’t be too hard on yourself, yes you’re angry but there must have been triggers for you, remember that no one is perfect not even the queen and you’re allowed to be angry sometimes
Ma he sounds a right knob, your poor mum. I’m sure she’ll have a lovely day with you though and I’m sure you’ll spoil her doubly so to make up for his knobbiness.
Few bits of news, am a whirlwind of information. Court date has been moved from Tuesday to the 4th April due to ‘witness issues’ although no clue what that means, any ideas babes? Have been taking co-codamol but only for legitimate pain and am finding I’m not sleeping so well with them anyway.
I’ve only got 1 shift next week at work but manager might ring me up before then. Am away on holiday to Cornwall on Saturday morning til the following Friday (will be finishing work 10pm fri night then parents want to set off at 5am so will be travelling in jammas and dressing gown, actually will pack before then and prob wake up at 10 to 5!). Looking forward to it though. On my period atm (sorry if TMI) and craving naughty stuff so had a pizza and slice of lemon cheesecake, but no wine (just didn’t fancy it).
Bit sad moment in work yesterday, met a lady who was visiting her daughter, got chatting as you do, turns out her dd is in an abusive relationship and woman is worried I gave her the women’s aid number I volunteer at, also told her where the headquarters were, told her about Claire’s Law, and wrote everything down on a bit of till roll too. She was so grateful bless her, and I hope it helps her and her dd. It must be awful to be in that situation and see your child going through it

Oops have killed the thread had a lovely nights sleep with dog cwtched up. Back off now

I've nearly killed this thread about 4 times already made How great that you were in the right place and time to talk to that lady in the shop. You might have made a huge difference. I hope you have.

carte are you sure your anger isn't legitimate? I ask because when you give up using alcohol to anaesthetise bad feelings then you sometimes discover feelings which are surprising and uncomfortable. Of course I can see that it might be the lack of sleep as well! Just something to look out for.

Mint that is really crappy behaviour from your friends about the sponsorship. I would be properly angry if a friend of mine lied to me to get out of sponsoring me.

Time well done on reducing, a slip is just a slip. You're doing great!

I've been drinking over the weekend. I find it helpful to examine the way I feel while I'm drinking. So I wasn't planning to drink on Sunday, but I did. Why? Because on Saturday night we stayed with my friend and her husband for dinner and drinks. This friend is a stream-of-consciousness talker - hard to get a word in edgewise, and if she's had a couple of drinks, near impossible. Together just the two of us, in the day, I've learnt to steer the chat a bit so we both get a chance. But after a few drinks with four of us there, no chance. I did a lot of listening and reassuring. That sounds lovely but I'll be honest here: it was frustrating and dull. I do it every time we see each other. I've heard all the issues 10 times already. I didn't get asked anything about myself. Didn't have a laugh. Didn't unwind. It felt like work.

So on Sunday, my brain said: 'Have some wine now and get some lovely relaxation in. You deserve it. You missed out yesterday.'

Sigh.

I'm hearing lux's words about 'change your playground' more and more. I have to take charge and not let myself be used as a listening service, or counsellor, or confidence prop, unless I choose it. I deserve my space in the world. I need to identify these situations where I get overwhelmed or am pushed into doing emotional labour, and modify them so I can cope with them. Trouble is it's 'cool' to be relaxed, isn't it? It's not 'cool' to control and manage social situations. I hate the idea that I can't cope with situations that others clearly can, without drinking, but I guess we're all different.

Right, that should've killed the thread best of luck to all Babes! Thanks for listening to the ranting. This thread is the one place I get to practice being selfish

Hi. I've not been on here for ages but have been lurking since I stopped drinking. Day 10 now. I've been over at the Dry thread too.

Flora what you said about your friendship really struck a chord with me. I find the whole friendship thing really complicated. My DH is a quality friendship man and therefore will only spend time with people that he thinks is a friendship of shared respect. I, on the hand, appear to be grateful to anyone that will spend time with me. I hate admitting that but it's the truth
That has got to be my self esteem I guess.

I'm not saying that's you obviously it's just that I have friends who go on and on and I come away thinking. Well that was annoying. I'm now looking into this more deeply and have decided to only be friends with people who have mutual respect

Talk about stream of consciousness

ruby: 'well that was annoying' - exactly! I think you are right to be more selective of your friendships. I'm sure you're a great person to hang out with, you don't have to settle for any person who comes your way

In my case I think my personality plays a part. I grew up being praised for being 'generous', 'thoughtful', etc, and at the same time being expected to be an emotional prop to my mother. If I got it wrong, or did something she didn't like, I was 'thoughtless' and would get guilt tripped. So I was kind of trained to be a carer. As a result I do have a good ear for people's emotions and can be a good listener. And as a result of dealing with my crap childhood and going through therapy I am quite robust and honest. I'll happily give a lot to people, and I really value emotional closeness. But I'm easily drawn into giving too much, getting too involved, and some people just keep tapping me for listening and sympathy like I'm a never-ending resource. I'm not.

Like you say, you need something back from a friend. I don't mind giving, but I need breathing space and to feel like the other person's caring for me too. My friend's not a bad person, she's just a bit mis-calibrated and doesn't notice how much she talks. I leave our meet-ups feeling like I've been buffeted by strong winds!

None of the stuff about wanting to care less applies to the Babes of course We all help each other out here, and there's lots of kindness and respect

Morning all,
Hi Ruby day 10 is fantastic, well done.
Flora your friend sounds a bore, do you see her often? I had a friend like this, never stopped talking about herself and shared every tiny detail, she made my head spin. I haven't seen her for about 2 year now

Mint hopefully you have offered that lady some helpful pointers, well done.

Busy weekend here, a couple of beers here and there, nothing that concerns me.

I went on the drink aware website earlier and in the section about calculating your units for health/issues I put in the 'old' me and the new.
New me is just fine, old me -well, it's a wonder I'm here to type this frankly.

The thread has moved on so quickly and I am up to my eyes in organising things so I do apologise for not naming everyone lately, but I always read and cheer you on if I don't post.

have a good day all - weather appalling here!

oops Made not MInt but of course hello Mint!

Ha, sounds like a good move lux! I do see her often as she's a local mum friend. Usually once a week. It's tricky: on the one hand she's very warm, has written me some lovely touching cards about our friendship, is very caring towards my daughter and, when she does listen, is supportive and kind; on the other, she can talk the hind leg off a donkey. She knows she does it, she's said to me before that she sometimes walks away from a conversation and thinks 'oops, I didn't ask them anything at all!'

Sadly she can be a terrible bore. It's not all about her, I hear a LOT about her extended family, friends, friends' kids, all their trials and tribulations . . . often the same thing I heard last time and the time before She's one of those people who starts on one topic, then you think of something you'd like to say about it, then she segues into the next topic, then another, then another and you still haven't got a bloody word in.

I think I need to see her in smaller doses.

Flora could you do that thing that they do in reception class, whoever is holding the bear/doll gets to speak mind you, I suppose she would never hand it over to you.

Rightio, must get on, have a wonderful day all.

Flora - I'm quite hard, but I just quietly drop friends who are always drains and never radiators. I don't need hundreds of friends in my life, just a few good'uns.

What did your dh say about the evening? I bet he found it tedious beyond belief!

Day 20 here, today I will not be drinking. Last night when we were eating our Sunday roast together, my dd noticed I didn't have any wine. When she asked why, I said I've given up for Lent. She hadn't even noticed, bless her heart! and there's me paranoid that she's getting to the age where she could be a bit judgey about my wine habit. I don't actually think it's crossed her radar yet.

I've dropped draining friends too bibbity. Just let them slip out of my regular contacts. I've nothing against them and will say hi if I bump into them but we've both moved on.

I'm considering phasing out a close relative at the moment as I've only recently realised how draining she is. I always come away from her feeling like I've been judged and found wanting

And I know how she talks about other people so I'm sure she has lots of judgemental things to say about me. I'd much rather spend my time with people who want to be kind and supportive to each other.

bibbity yeah I can be quite tough too, I have stopped contacting acquaintances in the past if they've annoyed me. I think I just hadn't noticed how much this relationship was draining me. Thinking about it, she does do stuff like picking up her phone and completing her food diary while I'm talking Perhaps I have been a bit of a mug.

DH was OK actually, he was chatting to my friend's DH so didn't hear a lot of it! Also the effect isn't so bad if you haven't heard the same stuff 10 times already. He has commented that she talks a lot, though. So not just me

It's great that your daughter hasn't been worrying about your wine. You've been able to make the change before it's started to make an impression on her.

By the way, how long has MN had a sodding gin emoticon?? just noticed it on the app . . .