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Relationships

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Original poster

New man I am seeing is a virgin aged 26...

133 replies

NameChangeAnon123 · 04/03/2017 18:23

I recently came out of a long relationship and one of the key reasons we split up was lack of sex, bad sex when we did have it and my ex-partners selfishness in bed. It was a very one-sided relationship and he was addicted to porn.

I have started seeing a new guy. We have been on a few dates now, he seems to be a really lovely and genuine guy. He has a good career, family and is generally a very well rounded person. Last night we went out, had a great time and I initiated the conversation about relationship history. He told me that he has never had a relationship, or had sex because he has been so focused on studying for his career (medicine). He also said he has never met the right person to want to be in a relationship or have sex with.

I don't know if I am being ridiculous because of my experience with my ex, but this did ring alarm bells. I find it very strange that he wouldn't have had a relationship at 26, or slept with anyone. As bad as this sounds, I am concerned that if I do enter into a sexual relationship with him I will have to take on the role of a teacher which I don't want to do.

Am I being silly, or is this a little odd considering his age?

OP posts:

LellyMcKelly · 05/03/2017 20:00

Oh God, grab him. I once dated a 26 yr old virgin. Talk about unleashing the beast. He was nerdy, and doing PhD in a very male dominated subject and just didn't meet many girls. You can train virgins to do it your way, they haven't been taught any terrible habits (like twiddling nipples as though they're looking for Radio 4, and they're just so thrilled with the whole thing that it's a lot of fun for both of you.

Original poster

NameChangeAnon123 · 05/03/2017 20:00

No as far as he has told me, he hasn't had any sort of university lifestyle. He does have lots of friends and an active social life, he plays sports and goes to the pub afterwards etc. He has travelled independently to different countries with friends, but has never lived alone. From what he has told me, he was working and studying for his degree at the same time, occupying most of his time. He doesn't have any student debts because of this.

He did tell me that he's had a couple of opportunities to have sex/random hook ups but has always declined, which is what concerns me. I think I have been programmed to believe that any red blooded male would jump at the first opportunity to have sex if it were offered.

I am just worried primarily because of my past sexual relationships, none of which have been particularly healthy. The reason I posted this thread is that I am concerned this could be a red flag and wanted others opinions on it.

OP posts:

SuperBeagle · 05/03/2017 20:02

He did tell me that he's had a couple of opportunities to have sex/random hook ups but has always declined, which is what concerns me.

This is an issue with you, not him.

kayleighnotts · 05/03/2017 20:04

i wouldn't be bothered about it. Atleast you get to play dr :P

DevelopingDetritus · 05/03/2017 20:08

OP, I don't think you're the right woman for this guy.

Darlink · 05/03/2017 20:08

My stealth boast radar is twitching

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 05/03/2017 20:09

Such judgemental bollocks! My son is a similar age, never had a gf,(so I'd assume he was a virgin) but was incredibly shy and unconfident. He's made his views on porn clear (he's agin it), preferring to read, work and watch films and build his confidence by meeting people. He's now got a gf, hopefully she isn't judging him for his lack of experience, but for his kindness, sense of humour, sensitivity and thoughtfulness.

WhatIsWrongWithMePlease · 05/03/2017 20:09

I'm 26. Most of my friends (that are the same age) still live with their parents. Two of them only recently Lost their virginity. They are both normal people. Give the guy a chance.

Darlink · 05/03/2017 20:10

I can't believe you made that red blooded male comment

Gabilan · 05/03/2017 20:13

When I think of the life experiences of my DCs (both older than 26) there is no comparison between him and them in terms of life experience

So you're comparing your children, who you've presumably known very well for over a quarter of a century, with someone you know from a couple of second hand snippets on an internet forum and concluding that they have more life experience? Nothing quite like weighing up the evidence in full, is there?

I used to teach medical humanities to medical students. The clinical training alone means they see things that some people will never see in a lifetime. And that's before the fact that you don't know what on earth else he's been through. Some people who move out at 18 can be quite immature. Others who stay at home for whatever reason can be far more thoughtful and experienced.

wherearemymarbles · 05/03/2017 20:14

Are you just simply worried that he will say

'Nah, I'd rather loose my virginity to some else thanks'

You should stop seeing him so he can meet someone who would be chuffed to meet a debt free medic with great career prospects who wont give them an STI.

ArcheryAnnie · 05/03/2017 20:14

So many on this thread seem to focus on the "living at home" thing, rather than the "virgin" thing.

You do all know that leaving home isn't a universal constant of becoming an adult, right? In a number of cultures it's the expected thing to remain at home (and if you are straight, when you marry to bring your spouse to the family home) and in time look after your parents.

It's fine if you leave your parents home (I did when I was sixteen), it's fine if you stay (I have in-laws who will never leave home). It doesn't make you any less of an adult either way, as long as you behave like an adult wherever you are.

elQuintoConyo · 05/03/2017 20:15

I was 23. Dh was 25. We lost it to each other and have been at it like knives for 18 years.

ArcheryAnnie · 05/03/2017 20:16

You should stop seeing him so he can meet someone who would be chuffed to meet a debt free medic with great career prospects who wont give them an STI.

I think wherearemymarbles wins the thread.

ifcatscouldtalk · 05/03/2017 20:18

Are you attracted to him? Is there any chemistry? I'd personally give him a chance if the answer to the above is yes. My husband still lived at home at 26, he couldn't afford to move out unless he rented a room in a stranger's house. He got on with his parents so stayed home and saved. As someone who has drifted in a so so job for years I take my hat off to someone who is studying hard for a career. The fact he has admitted he is a virgin, knowing this is probably not the norm at 26 shows his honesty and if there is chemistry between you this won't necessarily be problematic. Goodness me, I think I like the sound of him. .

ifcatscouldtalk · 05/03/2017 20:21

elqunito at it like knives

Just brilliant. .

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2017 20:22

'he hasn't had any sort of university lifestyle. He does have lots of friends and an active social life, he plays sports and goes to the pub afterwards etc. He has travelled independently to different countries with friends'

From the limited info on this thread about him the above quote makes him sounds reasonably well rounded. As a student I enjoyed having casual sex (before I met who is now my husband in the second year) but I had many friends who used to come out drinking but didn't want casual sex and waiting until relationships. At least two of them waited until mid twenties (and one lived at home too ). Maybe it's because they're not red blooded males....

GoodDayToYou · 05/03/2017 20:25

Gabilan

"Oh for goodness sake. Aspergers is not the reason for every single personality quirk or slight deviation from the statistical norm"

I didn't say it was.

Not that I should need to explain this but, my partner has aspergers and was diagnosed very late in life. It would have been really helpful if someone had said this to me when we were first together.

myoriginal3 · 05/03/2017 20:28

He wouldn't be for me.

myoriginal3 · 05/03/2017 20:31

ArcheryAnnie - I doubt him moving his heathen girlfriend in UNWED would be welcomed, ailing parents or not. I suspect the ailing parents might spontaneously die of heart failure.

larrygrylls · 05/03/2017 20:34

If a man posted this he would be crucified. And who said romance is dead? OP, just go on Tinder, hook up and have a fuck. You don't sound like you are after a guy, just a good shag.

Original poster

NameChangeAnon123 · 05/03/2017 20:41

If a man posted this he would be crucified. And who said romance is dead? OP, just go on Tinder, hook up and have a fuck. You don't sound like you are after a guy, just a good shag.

Sorry but when considering a relationship with someone you consider every aspect of said potential relationship - and that includes sex.

OP posts:

larrygrylls · 05/03/2017 20:44

Yes, but not before you have even been to bed! The OP has not mentioned one thing about this guy apart from him being a virgin, his qualifications and friends.

What about great conversation, flirtation and fun?

Gabilan · 05/03/2017 20:44

GoodDay I appreciate that you have personal experience of this. However, I think sometimes that actually clouds our judgment. If you've got experience of something you tend to see it everywhere, whether it's there or not. (It might be a form of observation bias).

This guy is 26, studying medicine, living at home to save money and hasn't yet had sex. There can be many, many explanations for this (if indeed an explanation is needed). Asperger's really doesn't have to be one of them. Sorry I snapped about this - it wasn't so much to do with you as the way in which at some point on so many threads someone will bob up and say "is he on the spectrum?" as if it's the answer to everything.

Original poster

NameChangeAnon123 · 05/03/2017 20:46

The OP has not mentioned one thing about this guy apart from him being a virgin, his qualifications and friends.

Apart from the fact I said "he seems to be a really lovely and genuine guy" in my first post.

OP posts:

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