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Relationships

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Original poster

New man I am seeing is a virgin aged 26...

133 replies

NameChangeAnon123 · 04/03/2017 18:23

I recently came out of a long relationship and one of the key reasons we split up was lack of sex, bad sex when we did have it and my ex-partners selfishness in bed. It was a very one-sided relationship and he was addicted to porn.

I have started seeing a new guy. We have been on a few dates now, he seems to be a really lovely and genuine guy. He has a good career, family and is generally a very well rounded person. Last night we went out, had a great time and I initiated the conversation about relationship history. He told me that he has never had a relationship, or had sex because he has been so focused on studying for his career (medicine). He also said he has never met the right person to want to be in a relationship or have sex with.

I don't know if I am being ridiculous because of my experience with my ex, but this did ring alarm bells. I find it very strange that he wouldn't have had a relationship at 26, or slept with anyone. As bad as this sounds, I am concerned that if I do enter into a sexual relationship with him I will have to take on the role of a teacher which I don't want to do.

Am I being silly, or is this a little odd considering his age?

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 05/03/2017 12:12

I wouldn't be that concerned about the sex thing but I wouldn't date someone who lived with their parents. Nothing wrong with it but it's not for me.

glassspider · 05/03/2017 12:20

I lived with my mum and stepdad at 26. Only for financial reasons though, and a lot of people my age were in the same situation due to saving for a house deposit, etc. It's nothing unusual. Neither is being a virgin at that age weird, maybe later than the statistical average but he's done what felt right for him I guess, I don't think he should be judged negatively for it.

Wingsofdesire · 05/03/2017 14:43

Oh Gabilan I love you - yes. I was just thinking the same thing.

I was nearly 17, and was already considered a complete bluestocking because of that. Peer pressure was something else. And how had all my friends lost their virginity, the first one when she was 12? Drunk. On a bathroom floor. In the muddy dark bit at the back of a marquee where the floor hadn't reached. In a bungalow in Sutton Coldfield while the parents were out but she and boy were a bit scared Granny might here from the front room where she was watching 'Countdown'. None of these are beautiful moments.

And some people see the ski lift going past and don't quite manage to jump on it - then they're left behind in the snow, while everyone else is wobbling past, some just hanging on, but all generally pleased they're on the conveyor belt and going where everyone else is headed.

I LOVE the fact the guy is a virgin at 26. I think it's interesting and much more likely to mean he's particularly valuable.

(just had some OJ and lemonade and the sugar's got to me and is making me love everyone ha)

Wingsofdesire · 05/03/2017 14:45

Erm my random ski lift analogy was actually connected : D

The 26-year-old Virgin didn't make the ski lift. But when he finally gets on, my it'll be important.

Ok ha this ski lift image really doesn't quite work!! : ) I'll stop ...

ForalltheSaints · 05/03/2017 15:38

Probably not as rare a situation being a virgin at 26, but never having lived away from home if you have been to university/medical school may be more unusual.

Battendownthehatches · 05/03/2017 15:47

Omg some of the comments on here are appalling and some people should be ashamed of themselves.

My son (who is only 20) is extremely shy, doesn't go out much, is currently at college (hoping to be a PE teacher), is finding it very difficult to find and hold down a job which will work around his college hours and has never had a girlfriend. He will probably still be living with us when he is 26 and I have to say I sometimes think it will take him a very long time to get a girlfriend.

I would hate to think people think of him as a "weirdo" just because he is still a virgin at 26 when in reality, you couldn't meet a nicer respectable young man. He would love to get a girlfriend but is so shy and lacks confidence. I hope he never meets any of you horrible women!

Mumfun · 05/03/2017 16:01

I know a couple of shyer guys who were medical students and likely were virgins till mid twenties and one maybe later.

They also lived at home due to financial cultural reasons till mid twenties.

Both have now been married for many years and seem to have very happy family lives. And are lovely guys still. And are successful in their careers.

So I would personally advise to give him a chance.

noego · 05/03/2017 16:19

Women!!! They want to find a relationship with decent man and then when they do they still overthink there way out of it.

Pete55 · 05/03/2017 16:23

I think the word you want is unusual, not strange. As someone who has been in this situation I don't think I am strange. In fact none of my friends would guess I am a virgin.

He might like me just have low confidence? I was bullied at school and had no social skills when I went to university. So just making friends was a big deal, let alone getting a girlfriend. I had no confidence and assumed thats not for me.....until at the age of 28 a friend asked me out. Not only did I find it shocking a woman could be interested in me, I was even more suprised when she passionately snogged me without me even trying to flirt (which would be quite hard, because I was clueless!).

I've had a few short term girlfriends since then (being a bit more confident), but have yet to DTD, though with one girlfriend we did get each other off (was rather suprised she told me how much she enjoyed it, and that I managed to make her orgasm!) quite a few times before the long distance killed the relationship.

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2017 16:30

'I wouldn't worry, however before going any further you need to establish his 'relationship' with porn'

Would you say that to a 26 year old woman whose a virgin- or ask about her relationship with her vibrator?

I know lots of blokes who were probably virgins until their mid 20s, one friend recently got in his first relationship in his early 30s. They're not weirdos, just shy.

GoodDayToYou · 05/03/2017 19:05

I haven't rtft, but, found myself wondering if he might have aspergers?? Might be worth reading up on it.

Gabilan · 05/03/2017 19:08

Oh for goodness sake. Aspergers is not the reason for every single personality quirk or slight deviation from the statistical norm.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 05/03/2017 19:18

Definitely give him a chance! He sounds nice.

noego · 05/03/2017 19:33

Honestly I have never read such shit on this thread.

A man. vocation to be a Dr. Still lives at home with parents. University fee's for such vocational training could exceed £60k. So that makes sense.
Clean, well mannered, decent, probably comes from a good home.
Not had sex. Could be totally dedicated to his studies. Could be shy, Could be he didn't want to get side tracked by relationships.
There could be a number of reasons he hasn't DTD.
But fuck me he's been castrated, hung, drawn and quartered on here with everything from porn addiction to Asperger's.
Perhaps his father warned him of women like these and to take his time in finding the right one, so he doesn't end up with a cynical bitch that will judge him on his lifestyle.

joystir59 · 05/03/2017 19:36

if you fancy him and there is a building sexual chemistry between you, go with that feeling. Desire is always worth pursuing imo

pringlecat · 05/03/2017 19:38

I would be cautious about someone still living at home - it's different to have moved back after university/a messy break up to save money, it's another to have never lived independently.

As for being a virgin at 26, he's still in his sexual prime and hasn't acquired any bad/weird habits from other women. That wouldn't bother me at all, if anything I might feel a teensy bit flattered to have been the first woman he had wanted to DTD with.

You don't jump into bed with someone new and not have to teach each other anything. Everyone responds differently - there's always some teaching from both parties. Non-issue.

PollyPerky · 05/03/2017 19:43

Is there more to it? Is he religious and is this also a reason?
I think it's a bit odd these days as it implies he is putting sex on a pedestal and waiting for 'someone special' rather than just having sex as an 18 year old for 'fun'.

I'm slightly biased as I had a boyfriend in his 30s who was a virgin and it didn't work at all in bed.

ALaughAMinute · 05/03/2017 19:44

Sorry to say, but my concerns would be the same as yours OP.

I'd ditch him.

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2017 19:45

I agree with noego. People can't win can they? You choose to have lots of sex in your teens and twenties and your judged for that, you choose to wait and you're judged for that too. Maybe someone can tell us how many sexual partners it's acceptable to have by 26?

There are so many reasons why someone may be a virgin at 26 but ultimately it's not that old at all. I can't believe someone has suggested Aspergers!

PollyPerky · 05/03/2017 19:46

I don't see why living at home is a reason to be a virgin. Many people lose their virginity at home - unless their parents never ever go out. Or they go on holiday and have a holiday fling, or use a friend's house.

I'd go for it OP but I'd be cautious because it's unusual. Most men even shy ones find their urges mean they just get on with it somehow, somewhere, with someone.

SuperBeagle · 05/03/2017 19:48

You've already made up your mind that he's weird, so why are you even carrying on with this thread?

Poor bloke.

PollyPerky · 05/03/2017 19:52

Sorry, I thought you meant his living at home meant no opportunities for sex. I see now it's just another 'issue' you are worried about.

My concern is he's made it into a really 'big thing' and waiting for 'The One' to come along. Med students may work hard- so do all other kinds of undergrads, not just medics - but OMG do they play hard as well! DCs had med students as flat mates and the tales they could tell! I appreciate he's at home, but if he's not really joined in with uni life at all, that's a bit worrying.

SuperBeagle · 05/03/2017 19:55

but if he's not really joined in with uni life at all, that's a bit worrying.

No, it isn't. The "uni experience" isn't everyone's cup of tea.

PollyPerky · 05/03/2017 19:59

I disagree.
Living away from home, being independent and meeting new people is a rite of passage. (We know he's at home to save money.)

Losing your virginity is a rite of passage.

At 26 he has not done two things that most young people have at that age. This doesn't make him weird, but he may not be as rounded as some 26 yr olds.

When I think of the life experiences of my DCs (both older than 26) there is no comparison between him and them in terms of life experience.

Gabilan · 05/03/2017 20:00

Forgot to say, thanks Wings

This thread is quite depressing though. Just proves yet again how judgemental people are when anyone deviates from what they consider to be "normal" and therefore somehow right.

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