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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

502 replies

user1486897010 · 04/03/2017 16:44

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/03/2017 21:20

This reply has been deleted

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badabing36 · 12/03/2017 21:31

Op, you're posts are very upsetting. You know what people must've thought when they saw him with his hands on your vagina? 'that poor woman is being abused by her partner'.

I have been wondering reading this what happened after your daughter was born. Don't tell me cause I really don't want to know, but if he didn't wait till you were fully recovered to have sex, or expected you to give blow jobs while caring for a newborn then this 'man' is an incredibly vile piece of shit. I doubt he would have encouraged you to breastfeed either.

This is not what other women do, or put up with. I'm sorry that you are only just realising this. But this is not your fault, it is entirely his.

Please, please, please go to the police or women's aid.

badabing36 · 12/03/2017 21:39

HE WILL NOT CHANGE

I just wanted to emphasise that point.

cestlavielife · 12/03/2017 21:39

He won't change
Why should he? He doesn't care about you.
If you show him this and he knows you leaving he will get violent
Don't show him this.

0SometimesIWonder · 12/03/2017 21:54

Takeheed. Thought ''twas just me..... [hmmm]

Notapissingcontest · 12/03/2017 22:14

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growingsober · 12/03/2017 22:28

If any of you doubt it just report it?

ilovelamp82 · 12/03/2017 23:55

Another one saying he won't change and definitely don't show him this. Women's aid and police (preferably with laptop and phone)

tipsytrifle · 13/03/2017 00:30

If I saw a man grab "his woman" between the legs or on the breasts in the supermarket I'd be incredibly uncomfortable and wish I had the courage to tell her to LTB - because that's assault in public. The trouble with public is you have no idea what the private agreements are. Sometimes exhibitionist folk dare each other. They assume that "everyone" is a voyeur. We're not. They assume that if we see it we will like it. We won't. There is NO CONSENT involved.

Do NOT show him this thread.

DrMorbius · 13/03/2017 05:24

If any of you doubt it just report it?

Indeed some already have.

i wonder if I will get this post deleted as well Hmm

CookieLady · 13/03/2017 05:56
Shock
gaaahhhh · 13/03/2017 06:30

Any woman in a situation like this needs to know this is not ok.

Some other poor naive girl in a similar relationship who have had the courage to post may read this thread and whether the op is real or not,the advice she had received has been real.

Call women's aid.
Take child and leave.

gaaahhhh · 13/03/2017 06:31

Whoops. That should be *have not had!

supercue · 13/03/2017 06:48

Goodness me, things have escalated at an alarming rate here.

mummabubs · 13/03/2017 06:53

I have no reason to doubt this is real. If anyone else has been in an abusive relationship they will know that even when overwhelming evidence is telling you to leave it can take longer for you to be in a space to do so. Even so OP, I know it's been said before, and by me!, but I stand by what others are saying- he won't change, it will escalate over time and the only way to keep you and your daughter safe is to leave sooner rather than later and cut all contact. Best of luck in doing so x

ptumbi · 13/03/2017 07:35

OP - he is grabbing your boobs, and between your legs (in public ffs!) - and that is PHYSICAL ASSAULT! PHYSICAL ABUSE!!!! It doesn't just mean hitting - it means any contact with your body that your don't want.

(And he is thick too - Trump said 'grab women by the pussy; he means b y the arse. Pussy is bum in US. not that it makes it any better Angry)

Get your child, get out, press charges. You will get priority treatment for refuge/housing, protection from him, AND your child will be protected (as he will be a sexual predator)

Pollyanna9 · 13/03/2017 08:25

I think people hinting that there's some lack of honesty from OP who is, allegedly 'drip feeding' need to understand something.

When a victim of abuse goes to the police they give a statement. Often that first statement doesn't contain every single thing that has happened and sometimes leaves out the worst bits, the most degrading bits, the most painful bits, the bits that were the most shocking/painful to the victim. On subsequent statements additional information is reported.

Do you for one minute (like the CPS do, stupidly) think that an OP is going to give you EVERY single thing that has happened all in one go?! It's a process of slow realisation and reflection, a slow dawning of how awful things really are.

I for one would be very sad to see the OP lose this thread and all the support it's giving her which may help her to leave this vile creature. As we speak her brain must be in overdrive as things slot into place and she realises what is and isn't normal and starts thinking about how to get away.

She's not wrong to spend a day or two thinking about how to do that, the practicalities - getting your ducks in a row is what's usually advised isn't it? I know he's utterly revolting as a human being but if that's how she wants to do it, that's up to her. We all want her to leave straight away and I hope it will not be very much longer before she manages to do so.

OP, keep at it, actively planning to get away from this disgusting man. You DO deserve better, normal relationships just aren't like this.

I would definitely make a trip to the police to ask for charges to be pressed and for a restraining order because you are scared of him and being abused by him. I know I'm saying do get sorted out if you need to but I cannot urge you enough along with the other posters, that you NEED TO LEAVE AS SOON AS YOU CAN. It may be a bit messy and a bit disorganised compared to what you would like. But you need to get away and very very soon. I personally would start with the police and get a hotline to Women's Aid. Presumably if you report him to the police he'll be arrested and put in a cell and that will give you breathing space of a day to get yourself sorted and out of there with your lovely children.

Takeheed · 13/03/2017 09:07

pollyanna I'm not sure it's the rapidly escalating drip feeding alone that's making it so shockingly unbelievable.

Ticks a lot of boxes.

FlissMumsnet · 13/03/2017 09:38

Thanks to all those who've replied to the OP.
We're always amazed by the astonishing support that our members give each other through life's ups and downs however, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster emotionally, than they can afford to spare.

MarklahMarklah · 13/03/2017 11:26

ptumbi no, pussy means vagina/vulva. In America, 'fanny' means arse.

ptumbi · 13/03/2017 18:06

My Mistake Marklah, I was under the impression pussy was bum.

Even so, it is a foul, crass thing to do - in fact grabbing a woman by anything is assault.

Featherybum · 13/03/2017 18:11

Really hope you can get out op. Can you get important documents (finance, birth certs and passports) out of the house in the meantime?

Also totally agree re taking his phone and laptop when you go and taking them to the police. Even if he can't be charged (and he bloody well should be) it might help get control of the images and put them all off further sharing.

Please call women's aid that's what they are there for xx

user1486897010 · 13/03/2017 19:13

Thank you very much to everyone who is supporting me. I know i have only just joined mumsnet recently and it is a really great site. i would love to be part of the community and wont leave once i have finally got out and sorted my life out. I want to help other women to.

I dont know what to say if you dont believe me. Im sorry. everything I've said is true. some stuff i havent said and i didnt say everything at first cos i didnt want to admit everything was happening and also sounds very stupid but i didnt think i was in an abusive relationship. i thought most guys did similar things. i knew dp is very masculine and like alpha male so just thought what he did was slight more exagarated compared to other men.

i really am not sure about going to the police. i spoke to my friend today and have talked to my aunt. i didn tell her everything but have asked if i can stay. i am just trying to act normal around dp

OP posts:
glassspider · 13/03/2017 19:22

Hi OP, thanks for the update. Please don't be discouraged by some (ignorant and unhelpful) posts - most of us believe you and want to help you. You have to get out of this situation quick and the police and Womens Aid will help you. I hope you can get to your aunt's place, and get you and your daughter somewhere safe.

JK1773 · 13/03/2017 20:47

Keep talking to people and gaining support as you need it. Please take what support you can from here. The posters only have your best interests at heart and your situation is totally shocking. You really must get out as soon as you can, you are being sexually assaulted by someone who is supposed to love and support you. He doesn't, he's truly vile, a monster. Please protect yourself and your child and do not under any circumstances show him this thread. It will increase the risk to you

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