Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

[user1486897010]

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

Urgh! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You don't deserve it. What an evil human being. What are you going to do now?

Thank you. I know that he has shown his mates now and probably shown them everything. But I just really really hope that he hasn't put anything on the internet of me.

We are still having sex or he gets a bj instead every day. I just don't want him to realise anything is wrong yet. Also I know this is really bad but there are still moments when I think I like him still. But I know I have to get out and for dd.

Sorry what do you mean ante?

This is porn--it is sexually explicit pictures of you shared without your consent. I would be out of there like a shot with my DD, not pussy footing about giving him BJ and stroking his ego.
Can you go to your DParents or phone womans aid, a refuge would be more appealing than living with this pervert.
What a brilliant father he is to his DD. what would you say if it was her in the videos ?
Then l would report him to the police, stop him and his mates doing the same to some other unsuspecting female.

Is it time for you to make an exit plan, OP? I forget whose name is on the house - did you say it's his and he pays the mortgage? Do you have any family you could go to if it's "his" home? Others might say he should be the one to leave; ethically this would be just but in truth he's unlikely to do that.

Perhaps the first step is to decide if this relationship is now dead in the water. Once you have that clear then you have a start point to begin planning options and actions.

You say you aren't scared of him but you're swimming in unknown waters now. You can't rely on what you feel in general about "who" he is because this is not what you thought it was. He is not a boy-FRIEND. He is an exploiting user of your body and is in a tight knit group of dick-centred males. You already know that his perspective is one of owning you, being entitled to do what he wants with you. Did you wear the clothes he chose for you last night?

In truth you have no idea at all how he might react if you confronted him, rebelled against his disgusting attitudes and behaviour. You also have no control over what he's already done with photos or videos other than the one you saw. Knowing that he's done this, probably repeatedly, is also a starting point for you to make choices about "what next".

I also think it might be an idea to consider a terrible accident happening to that phone of his. It won't delete anything stored in clouds or already shared to other phones, but it might stop him raising his phone to take a picture of his latest skincare gifts - for a little while.

If you are thinking of leaving, be aware that this is the dangerous bit. If he thinks you are leaving, he is likely to ramp up the abuse.

Contrary to what others have said, I agree that you need to keep things as "normal" as possible until you are ready to go.

Do contact Women's Aid, linked to (many times) upthread. They will help you with an escape plan.

DrMorbius - medical message for you from DrScholl in your inbox ;)

Please call women's aid and pack bags and go with your dd.

How awful.

If he does put it on the internet go straight to the police

I'd get the phine again and delete them, you have no control over what he does with them .

I will try call women's aid when he is at work tomorrow. Omg can't beleve I hav to do this.

I am noticing more and more now how I think he just thinks I am an object for him. I know people are saying leave straight away. But I just don't think I can do that until I have a plan. The house is in his name so I don't think I will get anything and we don't have a joint account. I'm a just a waitress so hardly get anything but he is an engineer.

I wore the clothes he wanted because I just wanted to keep things Normal. Cos I have done it every other time he has asked so he would know. I might try and lose his phone. But I don't know how I would without him knowing. Is just horrible thinking what he's put on the group chat. Maybe even the videos of me??

I'm going to say this again.

Police. The very least thing you have to complain about is that he shared pornographic images of you without your consent. But I'd bet the mortgage that if you were to describe your "sex life" to a professional, it'd sound a lot like rape/coercive sex, and with goid reason.

Just grab his phone and your DD and go straight to the local police. They can do a forensic examination of his phone to determine what he's done with your images, and this may well lead to his friends being called in themselves. It's gonna be huge, but that's exactly the best part! They get to hear from a source they'd have a smidgen of a chance of respecting (cause it sure as feck ain't going to be you or any chick they'll believe) that what they have done is ILLEGAL and abusive. Might actually put the fear of - well, something into them.

Don't make the mistake of worrying that you're going to "ruin his life". Prosecutions like this rarely result in jail time, more's the pity, but putting this in the hands of the police will:

1. get you out safely,
2. might bump you up the priority list for refuge/housing, and
3. since it's sexual abuse (it is! Start getting used to that in your mind), you will be eligible for Legal Aid.

You're probably correct that you won't be entitled to any of his house if you're unmarried and not on the mortgage or title deeds, but he will be required to pay Child Maintenance going forth.

As a single person you'll be entitled to tax credits, council tax reduction. You won't be bathing in champagne , but it's very doable. Do a search for entitled to website and run some numbers.

I don't think you've said how old DD is, but xx hours of free childcare starts at age 2 for some income brackets, so that might be a possibility now or soon.

OK, maybe not tonight. Your plan to talk to Women's Aid tomorrow is good. Don't hold back or minimise - tell them everything! And definitely get precious and important things out of the house: paperwork, heirlooms, baby pictures, etc.

But when you do leave, grab his phone (laptop too, as appl) and run to the Police. You want to stop him from further sharing your pictures? You're going to need help.

How are you accessing Mumsnet OP? Your phone? Does he know about Mumsnet? Is he likely to snoop?

Hope you're ok. It must be terrible knowing that the life you're living is actually a nightmare

It is really hard just acting normal. I kind of just hope I will wake up and will all be a dream.

He did it again today. When we were out. Just grabbed me between the legs from behind. He kept his hand there for ages too! Not just a quick touch. I don't know what other people were thinking.

I definitely think life is going to be so much bette without him. I know will be really hard to start but will be so much better after

I go on it on my phone. But he doesn't know about mumsnet lucky. I have no idea what he would think of he read this. Maybe wild be a good thing and he would know what he's like and might change

i think going to the police on a Sunday night is crackers

How long have you been together? Do you have an on-off relationship where u break up and get back a lot? Please don't get back with this guy once you have broken up. He's such a creep. What's his relationship with his mother like?!

He won't change.

Don't show him the thread, keep it for yourself OP.

Be clever and smart about extricating yourself from him.

We have known each other for a long time and we were dating in school. Yeah we have broken up a few times and ended up getting back together.
I know people are going to say i was very stupid for doing this but when i was pregnant he left me for another girl but we ended up getting back together after i had dd.

he has never physically assaulted me! He has never hit me.
Because thats what i have always done. maybe sounds really bad to you but thats what our sex life has been like. Not always blowjob though. if i suddenly start saying no then he will know something is wrong and might get worse fro what people have said.
i might sound very stupid but i havent realised till i post don here how bad it was. I thought all men were a bit like that and want sex all the time and that kind of thing. but that isnt true and i know that now. I just need to sort everything out before i leave. I dont even know if i can stay with my aunt. I was too emabresed to say that i dont really have any family i can stay with so where can i go?? i cant just go and leave with dd.