I hit OH this morning. ASHAMED

[stupididiot26]

Dd woke up this morning at 5am. She usually sleeps through until around 7 but last few days she's been up early and really demanding all day it's tough.. she only ever wants me as well which makes it even tougher as it's like nobody can help me out. I am run ragged and exhausted.

Me and OH and a little squabble this morning it got more heated very quickly and OH called me a cunt. Said I was Lazy because I don't work all I do is swan around with the baby (not true) I do everything in this house.

OH barged passed me and knocked into me it wasn't too hard but it defiantly was the straw that broke the camels back I reached out and I hit him then burst into tears because I was so angry.

I have never hit anyone ever! He has gone off to work now and rightfully so isn't speaking to me.. I know if he hit me I would of packed his stuff there and then. It's my house and
I don't know what to do. I feel terrible about it.

We usually have a good relationship we have disagreements but they are usually resolved quickly and things have never for physical before. He did not hit me back this morning and he has never laid a finger on me he calmly walked away.

Purple - I agree with you, however, if I hit DH, he would be disgusted. If he hit me, I would be disgusted and also terrified, so I still think there is a difference.

So whether the person is scared or not makes a difference to how unreasonable hitting them is?! So if I'm a kick boxer and I scare my husband when I punch him that's worse than if he thumps me and I'm just angry with him?

I hit DH, he would be disgusted.

I don't think you can presume to know how your DH would feel in this situation, let alone any other man. Remember: he's not allowed to hit back to defend himself, no-one's going to believe him or take him seriously, and if he goes to the police, he's at serious risk of being arrested as the aggressor.

Look, blatantly, on average a man is able to do more damage to his partner than a woman. And male-on-female violence is a lot more commonplace than the reverse. But these things are only relevant on a structural level - any given DV situation needs to be assessed on its own merits, and in my view, abuse is abuse. The fact that worse things have or could've happened elsewhere doesn't get a domestically-violent woman off the hook in any way.

Purple - I'm not sure if I'm understanding your question entirely, but yes, in a way. For instance, DH is a kick boxer / other martial arts instructor and has had to sign an agreement that certain aspects of this cannot be used in public. It would be more unreasonable of him to hit me, than another black belt, for example.

Anyway, this is moving a bit off topic.

Take a breath and get over it - it's a natural reaction and you reacted

Stunning double standards on here as usual

alaia what I'm saying is that someone's ability to hit people hard or not doesn't make them more or less of an arse hole when the do it.

Far too many posters (including you) seem to be saying that because women are generally less strong it's less bad when they hit their husbands. You would NEVER see excuses made for a man who hit his wife.

Purple - Would you say then that your DH punching another man, for instance, would be equally deplorable as him punching an elderly lady in the street?

I have never hit anyone in my life. There was one time in the Kingston multi storey car park when I ended up in a lift with a man and his wife - I realised it was the same man who had been hurling abuse at me because I had taken 2 attempts to park just earlier. I asked him why he had shouted the abuse. He didn't barge me, but he got right in my face, called me a f- ing C and other vile insults. I think if he had made any physical contact with me, I would have gone for him. I was shocked at how close I came to that.

This was s one off for me. The OP is called a lazy C and barged by her own husband in her own home. It's not good.

Purple - Would you say then that your DH punching another man, for instance, would be equally deplorable as him punching an elderly lady in the street?

That's totally irrelevant. We're talking about husbabds and wives.

Well let's just agree to disagree on this one then.

For those who essentially say that it's ok for a woman to hit her husband because she's not as able to inflict as much damage, I'm guessing that would be the same as say, it being ok to hit a child as long as you don't leave a mark? No? Didn't think so.

Hi everyone I must would like to make it absolutely clear I did not lamp my OH nor did I hit him as hard as I possibly could.

I was tired.. exhausted infact, I took a swipe at him when I thought he barged me on purpose. Upon reflection I realise this may not of been the case. I felt like he was calling me a bad mother when he said I was lazy etc and this was very hurtful to me. I realise this behaviour is never acceptable no matter what.

We have spoken face to face and had a very emotional chat about what happened and our dds health concerns. We have agreed to find ways of supporting each other and ensuring both of our well being is looked after. I accept that my part in this was much worse then my OH I have apologised profusely for this and spend the day searching for tickets to something he wanted to go to tonight which I got him as a little present not to buy his forgiveness but to show him that I do love him and his happiness is important to me. He is currently out enjoying himself with some friends and family.

I would also like to make it crystal clear this is not something that has ever happened before in our house. Yes we do casual cunt but we DO NOT do this in front of dd or company who would not approve. It is a private thing between the two of us. I really think some people should stop making up side stories and twisting people's words it isn't helpful at all.

So to clarify for those of you who have trouble distinguishing fantasy and reality

I did not lamp OH

I did not hit him as hard as I could.

Our home is not abusive.

We do not swear or bicker in front of our daughter.

You hit him,you feel ashamed, you were right to feel ashamed, he's let you off, all is good, let the casual cunting continue and no getting physical again, ever.

WannaBe - er no. It would be the total opposite. It's far less acceptable for any adult hit a child because the child is physically smaller and less able to fight back. As are women in comparison to men in general. As are the elderly compared to others in general and so on. This is just common sense surely?

Right but I did already say that and it's not like I need to be told that I'm not a 5 year old that's just hit someone else. I have never hit anyone in my life it's not like I smacked the living shit out of him either.

Sorry we are not all perfect like you claim to be and from time to time life gets on top of us and we lose our temper.

It's not just a case of I didn't get enough sleep last night so decided to give OH a punch. I had been shouted at since I opened my eyes, I haven't slept properly in weeks, our daughter may have a very serious medical condition and she has been unwell for some time.

I feel like I break my neck every day for my family so when he said all that stuff to me on top of what was going on then barged/knocked into me I lost my rag. I have already said it was NOT ok.

To be honest OP compared to your first post your last post is extremely defensive and justifying your behaviour. Not so sure you ARE ashamed. People get tired. people deal with shit in their lives. These same people don't belt their partners.

What were you hoping to get out of this thread?

Because I'm a little tired of reading responses that say I belted or lamped him. Where in my original post did it say that?

It took a lot of courage to post on here about what I had done and how I felt about it. I don't expect everyone to be lovely about it but some of the comments I have had are just taking the piss a bit.

Some people really thrive off misery. Nobody is allowed to ever make a mistake. I have already expressed how much I regretted it but to still be getting grief over 10 hours later is ridiculous and people making up parts of the story is really pathetic.. the situation was bad enough without people adding in bollocks they have just made up.

If someone had been shouting and swearing at me and then barged me, my immediate reaction would be that it was deliberate. I would likely lash out.
That in no way makes me abusive.

Wow.

And yes some people deal with stuff differently.. some people drink l, some people do drugs, some people go off out every night leaving their kids, some people have work to go to or get to see friends regularly.

Some people don't do any of that stuff. Usually I have my crafts and hobbies to keep me mellow I haven't even had that because when my dds eyes are open she's crying and in my arms.

Just thought people would have more helpful stuff to say rather then concentrating on all the nasty comments. It's ridiculous.

OP a lot of people like doing the whole "if this was a man posting" thing and will twist your words to prove their theory that MN is anti-man.

I agree that would be the case also and I also think it's disgusting that men get that treatment. A man has feelings also they get stressed, upset, depressed and overwhelmed.

OP I was posting in some sympathy to your position, not comparing you to a 5 year old at all!

Hi what, it wasn't about your post sorry for the confusion there x

Wtf? No-one compared you to a five year old, I said in response to the DV apologists on here who are suggesting that it's ok for women to hit men because men are stronger that it would be like saying it's ok to smack a child as long as you don't leave a mark. But clearly you're reading everything into the posts that aren't nodding along with your justifications for violence towards your partner.

Reality here is that you were violent towards your partner. And for many people one violent incident is too many and is a deal-breaker.

And yes, some people do things differently. Some people talk through their arguments whereas others shout and lash out.

Even if your DP was in the wrong that doesn't make you justified or right. Two wrongs don't make a right.

And calling each other cunts as long as it's on your terms goes hand in hand with that.

I don't get why you are bringing children into it? Why would you want to talk about children being hit?

My point is people on here just make stuff up to make the thread more interesting which is unfair my story from this morning doesn't need padding. Start a new thread about hitting children if that's what you're in to.