Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I hit OH this morning. ASHAMED

138 replies

stupididiot26 · 02/03/2017 08:36

Dd woke up this morning at 5am. She usually sleeps through until around 7 but last few days she's been up early and really demanding all day it's tough.. she only ever wants me as well which makes it even tougher as it's like nobody can help me out. I am run ragged and exhausted.

Me and OH and a little squabble this morning it got more heated very quickly and OH called me a cunt. Said I was Lazy because I don't work all I do is swan around with the baby (not true) I do everything in this house.

OH barged passed me and knocked into me it wasn't too hard but it defiantly was the straw that broke the camels back I reached out and I hit him then burst into tears because I was so angry.

I have never hit anyone ever! He has gone off to work now and rightfully so isn't speaking to me.. I know if he hit me I would of packed his stuff there and then. It's my house and
I don't know what to do. I feel terrible about it.

We usually have a good relationship we have disagreements but they are usually resolved quickly and things have never for physical before. He did not hit me back this morning and he has never laid a finger on me he calmly walked away.

OP posts:
Original poster
stupididiot26 · 02/03/2017 10:13

One thing I don't like is he sort of edged for an apology when I have given him a really nice thought out one told him how very sorry I am and that hitting is disgusting and there is never an excuse (I rarely give out a full on heart felt apology) but this did warrant one and I did mean it. All of a sudden he's now acting to upset to talk he was emailing fine before then. I have just emailed him back telling him that with all due respect I don't think he is helping the situation by trying to hold me to the naughty step all day. I pointed out the situation was aggravated by him aswell. He apologised to me and I accepted but now I've apologised it's like he's trying to hold all the cards.. I do feel terrible but I don't think that behaviour is quite right either.

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 02/03/2017 10:20

I think he probably started off upset by being hit but now you have apologised you have affectively acknowledged that you abused him and so maybe now the anger and resentment has set in . I know that's how it felt the one time an ex hit me. First shock and upset, then anger.

LesisMiserable · 02/03/2017 10:22

Its a bit of a watershed moment I think, when something physical happens and it never quite goes back to what it was before as now you know that person is capable of putting their hands on you in anger.

Imi22sleeping · 02/03/2017 10:23

My daughter is 3 and a half and she has never slept we haveall been up since 3.30 we used to shout at each other at our worst now we check ourselfs and each other but if he ever hit me ever im be gone so if i ever hut him ever im expect him to go. i dont work at the moment but my husband wotks all work and then cooks ansdcleans and watches my daughter as he knows how hard being at home with a child is infact in having a day out today on his orders and hes getting her from nursery. Havig a child that oesnt sleep is the hardest thing ive ever experienced you are rubg out at the end of the day but just cos your husband earna the money doesnt mean you arent exhausted he needa to respect you and not call you names but dont be violent this helps noone and nothing

thethoughtfox · 02/03/2017 10:26

to be fair it's a term of endearment

But he's not using it as a term of endearment, is he?

troodiedoo · 02/03/2017 10:27

OP this is why I dislike discussions over email/text. Face to face is what's needed here. Don't email or text him again today, a bit of space will give you both time to process the situation and how best to deal with it.

HarmlessChap · 02/03/2017 10:39

OK I see that people are not explicitly excusing her hitting him but the attitude of so many posters seems to be minimising the violence suggesting that this can be just put down to feeling tired and a reaction to his words/behaviour, and while it's not good you can put it behind you, say sorry, move on blah blah balh....

Seriously?? If my wife had called me names and pushed past me and I'd reacted by hitting her my bags would have been packed and, quite rightly so, I would be told to leave rather than being "put on the naughty step" FFS

Original poster
stupididiot26 · 02/03/2017 10:47

Hi harmless what I meant was he pushed for
The apology I would of done it face to face when he got home but he emailed me and hinted at it. I did apologise because i mean it but now that I have I think he's being a bit of a dick.

Yes I know I am in the wrong I hit him but if you knew this man you would understand what mean fully.

He has no intentions of leaving or anything yet he will still see how long he can drag it out for and to me that doesn't feel helpful it's just made me feel a little pissed off again that he feels I don't have enough to deal with without having to be made to feel even worse then I already do

OP posts:
Adora10 · 02/03/2017 10:49

Maybe some posters don't mind the term cunt, but is it really ok to use in front of your children; basically teaching them to call others cunts, nah, sorry, just no need.

That word means plenty to me, it's not an off the cuff remark, it's known for it's vileness.

Adora10 · 02/03/2017 10:50

Well that is not good then OP, he's going to use it against you rather than understanding that you are exhausted an doing everything at home, hardly an olive branch then.

thedancingbear · 02/03/2017 10:53

my husband and I had a row this morning. I barged past him so he lamped me as hard as he could

Can you imagine how different the responses would be. this place sickens me sometimes

thedancingbear · 02/03/2017 10:54

That's right Adora, it's fine to hit your partner if you're tired, isn't it?

ffs. shameful.

laureywilliams · 02/03/2017 10:55

People are also minimising his physical agression to the OP. I struggle with calling either of their behaviour 'violence' tbh.

MSisNasty · 02/03/2017 10:56

She didn't lamp him, she reached out and hit. She regrets it now, so you take some sort of pleasure in trying to make her feel worse?

scottishdiem · 02/03/2017 10:56

"First shock and upset, then anger."

I think this summed it up well. From what you said OP he has had this done to him before and maybe doesnt know how to handle apologies or move on without returning to it as a problem.

You both need to communicate in a more calm manner about why he said that and how you both can get more rest.

Adora10 · 02/03/2017 10:57

That's right Adora, it's fine to hit your partner if you're tired, isn't it?

Would love you to show me where I say it's fine to hit him, I didn't so get your facts right before accusing please.

thedancingbear · 02/03/2017 10:57

shakes head sadly

It's not helping the OP if we minimise her abusive, violent behaviour.

laureywilliams · 02/03/2017 10:57

Did I miss something? Did the OP 'lamp her husband as hard as she could'?

MSisNasty · 02/03/2017 10:59

Did I miss something? Did the OP 'lamp her husband as hard as she could'?

No you didn't, but people are getting emotive because they take pleasure in someone else's misery

MSisNasty · 02/03/2017 11:02

MS that sounds horrible. How are you and DH now?

It's not the best relationship but it wasn't beforehand, which is probably why that incident happened. I obviously apologised and said it will never happen again. He hasn't talked about it to me since, nor I him.

HelenaGWells · 02/03/2017 11:03

This is your cue to talk to your husband. Talk about how exhausted you are. Talk to him about why he felt it was justified to call you lazy.

This. Please use this as a wake up call to talk to each other properly. You both fucked up here big time. You need to do whatever you can to ensure it never happens again.

HarmlessChap · 02/03/2017 11:20

Would love you to show me where I say it's fine to hit him, I didn't so get your facts right before accusing please.

you didn't but you seem to be stating he should be understanding as to why the OP hit him

he's going to use it against you rather than understanding that you are exhausted

differentnameforthis · 02/03/2017 11:26

dailybabystuff It's very telling that while you mention the man's "barging" you say NOTHING at off the op hitting him....

OP, you're pissed off that he is upset that you hit him? You know he has been physically abused in the past, and yet you are pissed at him for "dragging" this out??

That says a lot about your attitude, to be honest.

Adora10 · 02/03/2017 11:28

Nope, wrong again, I never stated that at all, stick to your own advice instead of looking at other's views and criticising, not helpful at all.

HarmlessChap · 02/03/2017 11:33

I'm not criticising you Adora10 I'm pointing out why thedancingbear took what they did from your comment.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.