My god. I have a H who's financially and emotionally abusive, and 2 DCs (8 & 2.5). I was posting last week about his behaviour and got tons of LTB responses, which I agree with, and then on Sunday he stepped it up. I'm still in shock and keep having to remind myself that it really happened.
not a good start to a post, is it?
I was setting out with DD to go to an art workshop that morning, and had left the kitchen in a mess, dishes and cake-baking gear piled up on the side, all ready to do them when i returned 2 hrs later. H comes into kitchen with DS, sees pots, asks incredulously whether it was all stuff that needed washing. I said yes, and that I would do it when I got back.
And he said NO! I was not to go anywhere until the kitchen was clean, "the way it should be left". i fought my corner and said he couldn't stop me from going out, and was he forbidding me?! He just kept saying no, I wasn't going anywhere. I carried on putting my shoes on, could see DD looking scared, DS (2) just watching.
H then went into our bedroom, ranting at me about a) a job he had decided i must apply for but "hadn't been arsed to get" and had been pathetic about, and b) taking the kids to my parents' for 2.5 days over Xmas, when he was working 1 of those days and had kicked up endless shit about me doing it when he had said he really didn't want me to. He said if I went to the art class, that was it, we were done, and he would leave. i stood in the hallway like a rabbit in the headlights, watching him and listening to him rant, thinking this was a crucial moment and that I was being totally watched by DD and shouldn't let H dictate to me like that, or deny me "permission" to go out. Rock and a hard place.
DD came to me, I went back in the kitchen, and H shut the door and held it so I couldn't open it. I shouted at him - "stop barricading me in the kitchen" - and after a few moments we got out. By the way, DS had been on his side of the door, so saw Daddy's behaviour {sad}
DD & I went in living room, sat on sofa, ignored H - he came in and loomed over us, glaring. i told him not to do that in front of DD. He said that cuddling DD wasn't getting the kitchen cleaned.
After a while, I went into the kitchen and DD followed me, bless her, and said she was going to help . We did all the fucking dishes and cleaned up, then were due to our cakes to a bake-off, so we got ready to go - and then found that H had buggered off in the car.
So I took DD and DS to where we were going, thinking that maybe H really had left. I got through the afternoon despite H's bullshit, and went to a women's meeting at the pub too, where everyone had brought their kids so the children all played while we chatted.
When we got home, I didn't know what to expect. H had cooked tea so we all had that. Long story short, after 1.5 days of (mutual) silence, H is speaking to me again, pretty much as if nothing happened. I've been reading about the cycle of charm-anger-explosion-calm that abusers use.
I've also been looking at benefits entitlements, spousal maintenance, child mainteneance, divorce settlements, and a house that's for rent in our village.
So sick of this shit.