My Dh died this morning and I don't know how to go on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

But I will because I have to, because I have 4 incredible dc he loved.

I'm so so sad, didn't see it coming this time. Been lots of occasions in the past when we thought we'd lose him but he fought back and pulled through. Too much for him this time. One month today we would have been married 24 years.

Being self indulgent posting but I'm trying to put on brave front for dc even though 3 of them are adult and trying to be brave for me. We all loved him so much.

Goodnight Juan. You write so beautifully about your DH. It sounds like his was a life well lived, to be loved by so many

Oh Juan - what a loved man he was. That Headingley story is amazing!

I should have said this to you before but forgot and it might be too late now - you'll need quite a few copies of the death certificate. Dad had about 10 when he registered Mum's death - I'm not sure if you can still get them for free after you've completed the registration or not, or if you have to pay for them, but perhaps (if you can bear it) go back today and say could you please have more copies of the certificate (depending on how many you already have). The initial number were definitely free of charge, but they might charge you for more copies later.

Big (((hugs))) x

Juan I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your DH sounds like such a genuinely lovely and good man. It's always the good ones.

Lots of love to you and your family ❤

Morning lovely people.

God the mornings are difficult - not that any part of the day or night is easy right now. And not that mornings have ever been my forte. Got about 2 hours sleep last night. Think I might have to ring gp for advice. I'm shattered but frightened to let go because you have to wake up to acknowledge all over again that, oh shit, it wasn't a horrible nightmare, it's actually happening.

Thumbs - thank you for your advice about the death certificate. I actually got 6 on Wednesday when we went to register M's death - I asked the man how many most people got, and he said 6 should be plenty. They're 4 pounds apiece .

for you Juan - sleep is the most elusive of things, when actually your body needs it most. Hope the GP can help.
Re death certs - I got 6 when my D Dad died - and some places sent them back fairly quickly, so they could be sent out again. Those unexpected requests and telling people are truly the worst bit. You think you are holding it together, then it rolls over you again.
I cannot offer anything more than a virtual hand hold, or gentle back rub, but you are in my thoughts and prayers still

Morning Juan.

Everything is harder when you haven't had enough sleep, and phoning the GP sounds like a good idea. Mine gave me a low dose sleeping tablet when my grief was at its worst. They made me woozy when driving on the school run so I only took them at weekends. Even so, having 2 nights guaranteed sleep was better than previously.

I totally know that feeling of not wanting to let go for fear of the jolt of remembering DH1 is no longer here the next morning. I still sometimes get that jolt now (nearly three years on and remarried). I sometimes wonder if I'll have it my whole life.

I hope that the day ahead is a kind one for you and your DC.

I am so sorry for you loss. You are a very brave lady and I am sure your children will benefit from your strength. Do you have someone to take care of you too?

Hi there Juan, power naps whenever you can are very helpful at the moment when you are suffering from broken disturbed sleep patterns. Realistically it will take time to re-establish any kind of sleep rhythm. If you find yourself flagging and have the opportunity, grab the moment for a 15 -30 min top up and relax into it. Your body will tell you it needs sleep so go with it. Imagine your DH is there telling you that you must look after yourself!

I think that if there were ever a time to see your gp to talk about sleep, now is it. It will help you practically and will help your body cope better with what is happening.

Juan when I suffered a major bereavement the GP prescribed diazepam.

I did find (and everyone reacts/copes differently with medication) it just put the pain "on hold" till I stopped taking them.

There are different tablets available that help with sleep without the numbing affect. Your GP will be able to explain the medication effects better but I agree with PP's that you should see a doctor.

Im sorry Juan I remember the pain those first weeks and it's really, really shit.

Crikey Juan - and you had to pay for those 6 you got?
Things have obviously changed in the 10 years since my Mum died, so sorry to have given bum advice there, even if it wasn't actually needed because you already had them.
I'm sure 6 will be plenty - Mum had an awful lot of things that needed shutting down/death certs for, and Dad always was one to overestimate to be on the safe side! Don't think he would have if it had been that much though!

Good idea to ring the GP - even though waking up to it all over again is hideous, it's better to wake up after several hours sleep rather than a couple - hopefully they will be able to give you something to help short term. For my Dad, and an elderly friend, it was short term valium - probably still is but I'm a bit out of touch. It's only to get you over the absolute worst of the shock "hump" - they won't give you much at all.

and for you. xx

I'm going back nearly two years with my diazepam/Valium prescription as Thumb said the guidelines could of changed since then.

I'm so sorry Juan. Thinking of you x

Juan that coincidence may be a sign like you had hoped for. I hope you're managing to eat a bit and get some sleep x

Hi Juan. I hope you get the sleep you need tonight. If not, do see your GP for something short-term to help x

hope you rested, Juan x

I've only just found this thread, Juan and wanted to say just how sorry and sad I am to hear about your DH.

My DF passed away late last year, and I've been helping my DM with the grief.

Your DCs sound fantastic, but you need to be there for them. Suggest going to see your GP, and start practising some Extreme Self Care

Only do what you absolutely need to do. Rest up - maybe with a notebook for those memories - and eat a few morsels. Just put one foot in front of the other...

Hope you got some sleep last night & hope you can see your GP.

Thinking of you.

Hello lovely people. Hope I can call you all that. Well, I will anyway because you all are.

I did go the gp and she was very kind and gave me 14 tablets. Took two last night. They obviously helped because dd said she and I were talking, she asked me a question, waited a few seconds for the answer, looked over at me when she didn't get one - and I had conked out.

Had some friends over last night - wasn't intentional that they came at the same time, but I'm so glad they did. We started on tea but progressed to gin and just had a lovely night reminiscing about M.

One friend remembered us being at dinner at their house, and me complimenting her grey walls. M said "What - fag ash grey?" He didn't mean to be insulting, and couldn't understand why I was kicking him under the table and pulling faces at him.

Another friend said she'd come to pick me up one day but I wasn't ready, so she and M were talking. He spoke to her about the breast cancer she had recently overcome and was asking questions about how she'd felt. Friend said that no man has ever ever done that, and she thought then that he was a special one.

Third friend kept getting texts from her dh while we were chatting. They were all about M, and he ended sending us a musical Ode to M! He's only just started learning to play the ukulele but I thought it was really poignant and touching of him to do that. Made me cry anyway. Think the others were trying to contain their giggling ...

The support and love coming our way is incredible - feel like we have a hidden army at our back. Coaches are being arranged to bring people from Headingly down to the funeral, people he worked with years since have been in touch, old school friends etc. I think if you added all the xmas cards we've received in the last ten years, we still would have more this week.

Dc have been amazing. Three of the four have written pieces to read at the funeral. They have been strong and supportive of me and each other. They have even tackled the washing machine and the hoover - nearly caused me a few health problems of my own seeing them doing that!

I'm finding the mornings especially hard, although this morning it was a whole nine minutes after I woke up before I started crying. Have made up for it since, mind. I keep wandering into rooms in the house and saying "Where are you? Where are you?" Ah well.

You are a wonderful woman.

What touching tributes from all your friends about him, really lovely.

And your last line, very moving. His absence is bewildering. Hugs to you.

So proud of your strength, Juan. It will be a rollercoaster so for now just go with the peaks as troughs of entoilons. It is all part of what you are getting through.

Deep deep breathing, keep calm and just remember you have a lot of people around you to give you whatever support you need.

And even later when this next flurry of activity naturally subsides and calms, as it is bound to, remember your lovely people here can give you ongoing handholds to keep you going. Plus of course all your lovely family too!

Glad you conked out. It is helpful. Your body needs to rebuild its reserves, so 'keep taking the tablets as they say' xxx

Sorry the autocorrect went loopy. peaks and troughs of emotion that should say.

Remember your DH is in your heart ❤️ that's where he will always be, so you don't need to look very far.