People who know the truth still have to ask for permission to leave.

[flowersalloverme]

Why is this?

If you have reservations you think it through, give it a bit of time, and then go if it is not working out.

Why do people stress about this?

I do realise that children and debts, mortgages and all the rest of it come in to play, but they will still be there if you stay or leave.

Regardless of what you've been through OP, you're posting like a dick.

I have never been in an abusive relationship but I can see that just leaving isn't that easy. If it was there would never be anyone in abusive or unhappy relationships.

Abusive relationships don't generally start out that way. It is little chipping away at self esteem etc which then escalates. The person being abused is conditioned to think it is their fault. They may be financially abused and not have the money to leave. They may be heavily monitored and not know what help is out there.

So yes leaving is obviously the answer to others but it is never really that easy is it?

Definitely a dick.

Diiiiiick

It's interesting how OP is not responding to IMO well-reasoned posts, just continuing in their crusade that they are right (and by default, those that disagree with them are wrong)....
I'm all for a 'vigorous debate', but that's not what is happening here, is it?

If you think they are boring and repetitive why do you read them? You obviously do. Stupid thread on a relationships board where people look for advice and support. You've been through it you say, I guess your separation was a breeze, you managed it all by yourself and didn't talk about it to anyone?
Leaving someone you love who treats you badly is agonizing. There the posts where people are desperate for clarity. What a judgemental human you are. Shame on you.

665beastneighbour your post perfectly describes my life right now and is really helpful. Thank you.

flowers I think you miss the most often ignored part of leaving an abusive person, the danger. The reality that it might just be the action that escalates abuse into murder. You are clearly able to articulate your situation and follow sensible guidelines to get out. Clearly others don't for many reasons you have no idea about. It's not a competition. It's a terrible scary tragedy that should be completely utterly avoidable; but it's not is it? Because you got stuck in the nightmare didn't you, however briefly, or however long. I've never been a victim but I have picked up the bodies. I wish everyone could just walk out but it's really not that easy. It just isn't and for that I am so sorry.

People who know the truth still have to ask for permission to leave
I'm amazed everyone seemed to know what this meant, without asking 'what truth, permission from who, and leave what?'. All seems a bit cryptic to me!
Based on what others have guessed you mean though - its human nature to seek support when you feel low, and mumsnet allows people to discuss uncomfortable facts with people who have no existing views on the people involved, to mull over their feelings. I don't think its too hard to understand fi you have any empathy, and not sure why that's seen as asking for permission.

I understand along with others the trauma of a breakup of relationships and the effect it has personally and on those around us.

I have opened myself up to personal abuse here. How ironic....

From my sisters too, or so I thought. WTF?

But my thoughts mean nothing to the collective.

I thank those who understand where I am coming from. Few as they are.

Op why did you feel the need to bring the point up at all? In the greater scheme of things does it even matter if there are repeat posts about situations which are difficult for posters?

If the threads are so repetitive and tiresome to you then just don't read them. Simples.

You don't need people on here to validate your thoughts on this, although it appears that this is what you are seeking as you repetively keep asking if anyone agrees with you.

Sounds to me like something is missing in your life for you to be visiting this board and to stick around to be bored by the tons of threads about the same thing.

There really is a simple answer. Get a hobby or read something else. Job done.

Are you getting off on this in some way..?! Your posts are highly strange, self involved and goady...

Angles. Thanks for the collective comment.

Yes it does matter. How many times do we see "I need to leave but have no money", etc. and so on. The OP in that post would have seen multiple similar threads on the same issue.

If I had not gone through the same thing myself I probably wouldn't care.

It's just repetitive. But I understand the need for venting and the poster's story being ever so slightly different to many others here.

Replies are always the same. That's the point. Read one, read them all.

We are not Borg. We are not a collective.

These are real women's and sometimes men's lives. Emotional pain is just quite simply pain. Which cannot just be compartmentalised during a break up so that your rationale can take over.

Your ignorance is astounding.

Flowers because once again every case is personal. Many women did it..but can i? How can i? When I'm stupid,useless,powerless. When i have no one. When I don't even know what's real and what's not. Will i have to move and uproot the children? Will we starve? They won't have all the things they're used to,or even what they need . Will people believe me when i don't even believe it all myself? Will they blame me as i blame myself? It's better the devil you know...

Offred.

You said "Are you getting off on this in some way..?! Your posts are highly strange, self involved and goady..."

Great to have a psychologist on board to analyse me. For Free too.

Not very nice TBH. But I am the dragon from Hell I suppose for having an opinion.

You seem to be mistaking posters here for The Borg, flowers. We are all free-thinking people.
Just because we disagree with you doesn't make us wrong.

what's this collective nonsense?!
Oh meh. You don't want a discussion anyway.

By the way, random capital letter on your last post.

I do acknowledge that I haven't been eaten alive yet. That is a great thing.

I may not be right, I probably am wrong, but thanks anyway for allowing me to say my piece.

Replies are always the same. That's the point. Read one, read them all.

It really doesn't matter. You have a choice. If it's too repetitive for you then don't read it. Move on.

And you're welcome.

offred oh you can bet he/she is getting off on it

And then you have..
A left but she had family support.
B left but she had savings.
C didn't leave,but the police believed her and removed him out of the house.
D left,but she had no MH issues that her ex would threaten her with .
E left but her ex was on a really high wage and she had the means and knowledge to fight for a high maintenance.
F left but she had her own income.
G left but the things her ex did were so bad and there was enough proof,he would never get custody or access. Can you imagine the fear of sending your small children to be on their own with a highly abusive man?
H left but there was never the threat of being killed if she did.
.....and so on. Then comes Z and she's not any of those,or she's some but the other fears are still too big and insurmountable.

Ok, so I'm calling GF now. Get me deleted if you want.