Whats happening, confused

[Confusedwithwhatsbeenhappening]

I've been on here such along time, avid nosey parker and rare poster.

But I come here today for... well basically a second opinion, clarity, an outside eye, in fact I don't even know what.

I'm a single parent, work full time trying to parent with a complete nightmare ex (a whole other thread which one day I'll post). Trying to scramble some adult time the best I can and balance everything to the best of my ability.

Well I met someone, been friends for years, awesome, loving caring, offers stability, loves my kids who also love and adore him. Yet there is side to him that I struggle with, I'm not sure struggle is the right word. More confused, hard to understand.

As in basically, he hurts me on occasion. Not all the time, it's kinda hard to explain without sounding like a bitch, as if I'm complaining about nothing but he does things like nips me. Like I said it sounds silly but he laughs, his friends laugh, even I laugh on occasion but it bruises and it hurts. It's nothing nasty or serious as such but it hurts me, I've told him but he still does it. However he's so loving, so tender, he's ace.

He has older kids than I do, grown ups in fact late teens. He likes to drink a beer at the pub with his mates and then I pick him up afterwards, not all the time but usually because that's not my thing. He watches the football on a Sunday but I'm more of a rugby fan. I'm not adverse to alcohol but I enjoy it with my friends, doing what I enjoy.

Well today I went round and he's ended up bursting my lip, I don't even know why or how, just a flap and mess about and I've got a fat lip and he's asleep now. With me sat here, trying to work out what the hell im going to say at work tomorrow.

It's bullshit, my entire post is tripe, I realise now that writing it is not even comparable to others and isn't even worth reading. Ergh I'm so stupid and I really have no idea what im asking.

OP, it's hard to understand what happened on this occasion but it's obvious he is physically hurting you. You don't need to be in a relationship like this, just leave. You don't owe anything to someone who treats you like shit.

Thanks milk. Thought I found a good one - cheated 🙄

Can you tell us how you got a burst lip without using the word flapped?

Describe his actions and yours because none of us understand it.

Not sure if you are still reading OP - but if so watch out for

• "I'm sorry"
• "If only you hadn't ..."
• "I love you..."

... none of these mean shit and the cycle will build again until he hits you again. Flowers, chocolates and super-nice behaviour also do not mean anything other than he is preparing you and confusing you for the next round.

Maybe you feel that we're all ganging up on you here. It would not hurt to talk to Woman's Aid, preferably FtF if you can, and get their perspective.

You clearly have no idea or understanding of boundaries and what you should put up with.
You shouldn't have 'just eaten it'
You don't like it you don't eat it. Simple!
He has hit you.

You need to get onto Womens Aid and ask about their Freedom Programme.
This will help you see this for what it is.
Physical abuse!!!!!!
I'd also get onto the police and ask about Clare's Law!
Check he doesn't have a history for this.

But ultimately, right now, get away.
In fact RUN AWAY. And fast!!!!
This absolutely WILL escalate.

Freedom Programme. Do it quick sharp (0808 2000 247)

"He came up flapping" ? What does this look like? Flapping his hands like a damsel in distress type of thing? Or flapping like in a flap ? Or or is flapping a euphemism somehow and actually means slapping ?
I don't get it.
If flapping means slapping, I'd never see him again.

What the actual fuck???

This is just domestic violence by stealth.

Where I come from Flapping means arguing basically. So they were shouting or moaning at each other about the chinese.

Not physically flapping like a bird!

He hit her in the face. Regardless of what flapping means. He hit her hard enough to split her lip. This is what she needs to focus on - not the use of the word flapping. That's detracting from the situation.

OP, please don't think that you deserve to have a split lip just because someone paid for a Chinese. You never deserve a split lip, ever. Or bruises or any physical pain just because he feels you deserve it. You are not with someone who cares about you, you are with someone who wants you to build up his ego. Which is what you are doing with all the complimentary language. Yes, he might be "ace". But he also hits you. One day he may hit your children. Do not tolerate his treatment of you. You deserve much better.

He enjoys hurting you.

This is domestic violence.
Leave him now.
Don't put yourself or your children at risk.
He will say he's sorry but this is not acceptable and it will happen again.
Leave now. Speak to women's aid or another charity if you need supoort

OP I think you might have been frightened off by the responses to your post.
Please don't be -- there is overwhelming concern for you coming from people who have experience of domestic violence and hence fear fir you and what you are going through. LThey understand why you are confused and minimising his behaviour and they genuinely want to help.
Please, please listen to them.
I've been married a long time to a good person. Many years ago when we were young and stupid and drunk we got into a big fight -- shouting and screaming and completely out of control. I grabbed his arm and in response he raised his hand to me, hesitated and then burst into tears. He was physically unable to hit me. He could not do it. He is not an abuser and his anger and frustration spilled out as tears.
I have always said that no man would ever hit me twice, I'd be gone after the first time. Luckily I've never had to put that to the test - we've never had a fight like that since, it brought us to our senses. But your DH has crossed that line.

I also think by flapping, perhaps the OP means arguing, or getting into a stew over something, as in 'he's in a right flap' or 'he was flapping over something or other.' I think I understand that bit.

So he came upstairs in a strop, basically, because she didn't like the dinner he'd chosen, she got stroppy (flapped) back, as she was entitled to do when someone is pressuring her to do something she is unhappy about. (eat the chinese.)

So he hit her. Pushed her. Somehow burst her lip open. Which is the only bit that matters really. But the OP seems unable to connect that fact that he was in a bad mood because she wouldn't do as she was told, to the fact that he assaulted her. She seems to be in denial that he assaulted her and she seems to think that the burst lip was as a DIRECT result of his annoyance over the Chinese, rather than as a direct result of him assaulting her.

I disagree with my DH all the time on something or other and sometimes he might get cross and 'flap' over something. That's where it ends. Not in a burst lip.

And if he 'nips' you as some sort of joke during play, or he's biting you during sex and you do not enjoy it and have told him you do not enjoy it then why is it still happening?

Because he doesn't respect you and doesn't care.

ExplodedCloud yy to what you said!!

Thank you all so much for the replies, apologies for not replying sooner, I had to get some sleep. I have read all the posts but as I'm working and on my dinner break I unfortunately don't have time to reply to all.

As to the word flapping, it's hard to explain without making the situation sound so much worse than what it was. We argued but there were no raised voices, more a disagreement. It ended as quickly as it started.

I've obviously seen him this morning and we talked, he's apologised profusely he didn't realise he'd made contact and split my lip. It looks fine, as if I've just bit my lip and the Chinese is in the bin.

You still haven't explained how your lip got split.

In the heat of the disagreement, he basically caught my face. I don't really want to say hit or smack as it wasn't hard. It's superficial, I'm okay, I was just venting last night.

I'm not sure where half my post went!

Are you avoiding writing that he hit you in the face because you know that's unacceptable and you're scared you'd have to act on it?

He hit you in the mouth. That is assault. You wouldn't let anyone else assault you. He is abusive.

Why is an argument over Chinese getting physical?

Stop minimising and excusing his awful behaviour.

What chills me is that he hurts and marks you, you blame yourself, but and you told us this he laughs and his friends laugh

There's no way you can excuse that, it's horrible.

He hit you in the face because you didn't like the food he brought.

You have the right to eat what you want or not eat what you don't but you are saying you should have just eaten food you don't like or want to avoid being hurt.

I bet the fight ended fast. You got hit in the face.

He also pinches and bites you.

You are in an abusive relationship. It will only get worse not better.

He sounds like a big bully and he might have the same effect on his friends If they are joining in laughing at you. Are they intimidated by him?