Gutted I reacted so badly.

[C0rdelia]

My daughter had a weekend off and came home last night for the first time since Christmas. She rang from the train at 8.30. I asked if she had eaten and she said 'No'. I started cooking her some dinner (pasta, tuna, salad) and my OH started shouting at me for making food! I react badly to being shouted at and started sculling wine so by the time she got in I was very noticeably affected. I used to have a real problem with drink and make a point of not drinking at all when my children visit. First time home in months and she's seen me at my worst and took herself to bed. :-(

Polly have you read the thread???

The op has stated that she was drinking BEFORE her H shouted at her!

I'm the one who was excited about her coming home. I cleaned, tidied, made a bed although he's at home all day. I was shocked to be shouted at for making food for her arrival and drank too much, too quickly on top of the large glass I'd had. I'm gutted I did that in my reaction to being shouted at. There are friends and colleagues who have NO clue I have a problem with alcohol. I reach for it in distress and must stop.

Cordelia the problem seems to be your partner. If you have to tip toe around him and try 'not to anger him' this speaks volumes.

Why is he monitoring his blood pressure? Why is he using it to beat you with a stick? He sounds horrible.

Are you addressing your relationship issues with your counsellor? Are you trapped in a relationship that erodes your self esteem, so you turn to drink at the hint of a row?

(Just like some people reach for the chocolates of fags?)

Please stop being horrible to the OP. She asked for support and everyone is wading in giving her a beating.

FFS

I did RTFT. I read 90% of it so somewhere the OP changed what she first said- which was she started drinking after she was shouted at.

my OH started shouting at me for making food! I react badly to being shouted at and started sculling wine so by the time she got in I was very noticeably affected

Yeah...so you didn't RTFT

Precisely FFS. Kick a woman when she's down.

Lovely Mumsnet eh?

You obviously have no experience of dealing with addiction polly.

I would guess that her husband monitors his blood pressure because he has had multiple strokes/heart attacks! Ffs

This whole post smacks of denial.

Polly for the umpteenth time, the OP was drinking well before her partner "shouted" at her. Stop trying to make the OP a victim. She is an addict. She needs help, not someone making up a relationship history that justifies her drinking.

Go away Dizzy You got out of bed the wrong side today.

Cordelia who DOES buy the alcohol?

Oh I see Chipped so people who are addicts need a beating? Yeah..lovely.

I'd also guess it's not only 2 large glasses either.

Polly do you have problems with basic comprehension?

THE OP HAD BEEN DRINKING BEFORE HE SHOUTED.

Would diagrams help?

I read 90%

Try reading 100%.

Why do you have wine in the house op?
does the DH drink?

can he go sober with you?

turn over a new leaf as of Today.
make the weekend nice for your DD and put any differences with your DH aside.

Thanks for all the comments. I'll keep them to look at and not blame my behaviour on events and other people. She's still here and now time to make breakfast. Buck's Fizz will be off the menu.

Addicts need to face up to what they do. Because they will lie, wriggle and blame everyone else for what they do.

Feeding into that is not helping. I can't believe you don't understand that?

Cancel the monthly counselling and get to an AA meeting on Monday. It's a realistic and achievable goal to STOP drinking completely.
You CAN do it!

So you know you have an alcohol problem. Who is bringing alcohol into the house and why? Your dh or presents from friends? I think you need some honesty here and admitting your problem is a step in the right direction. What does your counsellor say that you are keeping it a secret?

Polly "I read 90% of it"

Well by missing out 10% of the thread, you missed out the most important bit.

Maybe you could read the whole thread before arguing with people who have read it all You are giving out really stupid advice which gives the OP reasons to excuse their drinking.

who the fuck wants pasta at 9 o'clock

Me. I eat anything , any time.

And like you, when my child comes to visit, I prepare enough food in as wide a variety of forms as is humanly possible so that

a) there is enough no matter how hungry they are

b) there will be something they fancy no matter what mood they are in

c) they know that they are loved and welcomed and that we are delighted to see them and that they are still our "baby" (I know - it's vomit-making, isn't it?)

d) I just get over-excited and can't stop myself!

Your OH is a pillock. You did what 99% of mothers do. He has no right to shout at you (IMO you should only shout at someone if they are about to step into a road in front of a bus/ stick their fingers into an electric socket/ dive into crocodile infested waters etc. Normal conversation should NOT involve shouting!

Odd that the 10% that Polly didn't read seems to contain the bits that don't fit with their theory

Cordelia, you had been drinking before anything happened with your husband.

Stop blaming him. You did this. 100% you.

Making beds and cleaning the house doesn't negate the fact that your daughter had to come home to an alcoholic parent who was drunk. Again.

Take responsibility. Real, actual responsibility. If that means leaving your husband,so be it.

But one day your binge will be one binge too many and you'll lose your family for good. And that will be your doing. Not theirs, not the pasta, not work stress, not your dh.

Unlike you Polly I won't be making an excuse for an addict's problem or only bothering to read 90% before offering shit "advice".

OP see if you can find an AA meeting this weekend and make sure you apologise to your daughter and tell her you are going to address this.