Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH - incompetence or malice?

170 replies

newnamenewnamenewname · 17/02/2017 23:44

Name changed for obvious reasons...

It's not really a relationship question but I'm not strong enough for AIBU and I don't really know where it fits. I don't need relationship advice exactly just an opinion on this...

DH can't handle checking details, he often makes mistakes. But he can also lie and be manipulative.

Recent examples: No one watches Sky in our house so we decided to cancel it. It's in DH's name so he had to do it. He instead signed up for the basic package because "otherwise we can't get BBC". True, we don't have an aerial but you get BBC if you are churning. He just doesn't research or check things. On the other hand, in the same week he happily admitted to "screwing someone over a bit" (someone who works for us).

I don't want to influence people so I am going to set out the bare basics.

He set up a new business for us in November. The new business is based in an area of expertise that is my field but he also has some skills. We have an old business in a related field that we both have skills in but it is declining and not doing well. We own it 50:50.

In January, he closed the old business. He then needed to set up a bank account for the new business. He signed my signature for convenience. He told me he had signed after he had done it. He's signed things for me before.

Nothing arrived for me for the new bank account. I called the bank to ask why and they said that I was an "authority" on the account but not a signatory. DH says that he thought he the forms he had signed my name on made me a signatory. Having requested a copy of the forms, it is clear to anyone that reads the small print that is not the case. Except he doesn't read things...

Then I checked Companies House. I only have class B shares in the new company. He owns all the class A shares. I am company secretary. He is the only director.

I confronted him about the bank account. He was confused as to why I wasn't a signatory and said it was a mistake - he was in a rush when he did it. He pointed out that he had told the bank that I am company secretary so clearly he wasn't hiding anything, he had made things the same as they were with the other company. So I asked him about how he had set up the new company. His reply was "it's 50:50. Well, not 50:50, 'they" don't like that any more so I had to set it up with class A and Class B shares, that's how it's done now, but you can set them up so they have the same rights". He said that is what what the formation company who set it up advised him. I read to him from our company formation documents on Companies House, which doesn't give the class shares equal rights. He then said, "that's not how I did it, you can set them up differently" so I pointed out that it was our docs I was reading from. His reply was that he didn't tell them to do that, he'd had to speak to different people to do what he wanted because they didn't understand, they were multiple phone calls and an email because they didn't understand what he wanted, they must have got it wrong. He then said "I did it that way because you said you don't want liability". I didn't say that but I did say I was unhappy about things he had done with the old company without my knowledge.

I called the formation company. They seemed surprised that any of their staff would have said that 50:50 share distributions weren't normal as that is quite common.

Sorry for rambling. Please be objective, don't read between the lines to look for motivations. On the basic evidence, just what he said, do you think he is lying?

OP posts:
PhilODox · 18/02/2017 09:02

Sorry, I think you know which way I'm going to vote.
Why did the last business fail?

You don't need a ltd company to work for people (unless there's a lot of risk of personal injury or something), and if the skill is yours, work as a sole trader for now, not for him.

Surely, signing your name is illegal? It is in other European countries.

Any decent person would know that.

DameDeDoubtance · 18/02/2017 09:02

He is screwing you over.

Pacha11 · 18/02/2017 09:03

His actions are fraudulent. My opinion is based on professional experience.

Iris65 · 18/02/2017 09:03

He's setting it up to screw you over too.

Bastards rarely reserve their shittiness for non relatives.

goodnessidontknow · 18/02/2017 09:06

Unfortunately I think it would be near on impossible to make this many linked errors by mistake. There is certainly no need to have separate classes of shares and the primary reason it would be advised to do so is to enable one person to take more money from the business than another. As sole director he would be the only person able to decide who gets what. He has deliberately set up a company where you have responsibilities (as secretary) but effectively no rights.
There is no requirement to have a company secretary any more so the first thing I would suggest is removing yourself as secretary until you have decided on what to do with the rest of the situation.
He is trying to pull the wool over your eyes and I would be very concerned about him forging your signature on official paperwork. Is this something you would usually be ok with?

CharlieBoo · 18/02/2017 09:08

Agree with other posters... the company has been set up in a way that benefits him, all a bit convenient. Don't know what he's like in other areas of your relationship/business but this sounds dodgy.. sorry

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 18/02/2017 09:10

There's no way this is a mistake - it's malice. Whoever set up the company for him would have fully explained the ramifications and asked him what he wanted.
Crucially - what is he doing now to sort out his 'mistake' - he is putting you as an equal shareholder and director?
I'd be having serious words with him why he feels this a sole business now ajd not a joint one. Also I'd prob look at leaving.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 18/02/2017 09:12

And the forging of the signature is fraud.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 18/02/2017 09:13

Why on earth do you still even vaguely believe this man? He's clearly been abusing you very well.

ChuckSnowballs · 18/02/2017 09:15

He basically owns the business that you are the one with the expertise in. Not that incompetent is he?

HardcoreLadyType · 18/02/2017 09:17

He is definitely lying.

I have some experience in husband/wife companies and can assure you that an A and B share structure is not the default, and it would be more likely for the company to be set up with only one class of shares unless you specifically wanted an A and B share structure.

However, it would not be at all unusual for a company secretary not to be a signatory at the bank. The position of Company secretary is more a formality, and ultimately, it is the responsibility of the director(s) to ensure that the duties of the company secretary are carried out. It has been possible for some years for the company secretary and a sole director to be the same person.

I do know quite a number of husbands who forge their wives signatures in the way you describe. It is a bad idea. His fake signature is now on record as your real signature. When you sign in future, it is you who will appear to be fraudulent.

If you don't trust the kind of business decisions he has made in the past, then I would question whether I wanted to be in business with someone like him, husband or no.

Optimist1 · 18/02/2017 09:18

As others have said, all his "mistakes" have been in his favour; true incompetence would be more random.

kittybiscuits · 18/02/2017 09:20

How careless of him to make mistakes which benefit him entirely!

Naicehamshop · 18/02/2017 09:26

Whatever happens, for God's sake don't let him fake your signature again. Sad

tasteslikechicken · 18/02/2017 09:30

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who admitted to "screwing someone over a bit". That statement alone would be enough to realise there were miles between us. When they equally happily admitted to forging my signature on formal documents........taxi!!

You do realise you are now complicit in the fraud, given that you are fully aware it was he that signed the document?

May well be worth checking your mortgage statements as well.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 18/02/2017 09:33

You could report him to the police for fraud? He would have stood to gain financially by forging your signature.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 18/02/2017 09:34

Oh totally agree - check your house ownership!!

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 18/02/2017 09:35

Mortgage could be her name (as debt so not an advantage) but see what's registered at the land registry re ownership (i.e. Where the money is)

Damselindestress · 18/02/2017 09:35

It's not incompetence because that would have inconvenienced him too, not just you. He's clearly deliberately set things up so you're at a disadvantage, going so far as to forge your signature! There's no reason you couldn't have seen and signed the paperwork yourself, nothing should be done in your name without your knowledge. I can't understand why you're not more concerned about this. I'd be considering cutting ties with the company and him.

UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 18/02/2017 09:41

I was with a liar and a lot of this is familiar – the making up a ton of crap to cover his tracks, the "mistakes" that always seem to benefit him.

I'm not entirely sure your H has a master plan though - it may be that he just needs to be in control and the big guy, and will always put himself first and make sure that you are in a less powerful position because he can't handle it any other way. Then he lies because he wants to look like mr innocent nice guy.

Or he could be a straight up evil scheming bastard - but I think it's possible that he persuaded himself that his self-serving actions weren't that big a deal and then tried to lie his way out of it. Not that it's acceptable either way.

You're in this mode of constantly trying to track down the truth and prove this or that to him. This can go on for years as i can testify. It was a great relief when I just ended it.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 18/02/2017 09:42

Just recap -

  • he forged your signature (illegal- fraud)
  • made it so you can't money out of the bank ac
  • didn't make you a director but made you company secretary - a worthless and meaningless position nowadays
  • you'd have no power over the company as not a director
  • made you a b class shareholder is he'd be entitled to first dibs on the dividends and voting rights
  • lied to you
  • gaslightdd you that he didn't know what he was doing and that you had wanted this
  • lied that solicitors had made a mistake - if you want proof ask him to see copy of his instructions to them or their file notes of his instru rions
  • using you to gain money when you have the expertise but he doesn't as much
  • has previously made business decisions you weren't happy with

Please see a family solicitor for advice and leave this man. Set your own company up given its you that has the skills.

Goodadvice1980 · 18/02/2017 09:43

OP, is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Living with a serial liar?

I'd be concerned what other documents he has forged your signature on Sad

Wake up and realise how serious this is.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 18/02/2017 09:44

He's a man with limited-to-no integrity. He's already made that clear with his admission that he's "screwing someone over a bit" (A BIT?), someone who works for you. So, it wasn't in the past, it's currently happening. And to someone who should be able to trust you both.

I don't know how it happened or how often but him having been able to get away with forging your signature has emboldened him. He obviously thinks he can get away with anything. He appears to be getting away with quite a lot.

This new company has been set up in an area of expertise that is mainly your field and not his, so if either of you should hold Class A shares, it should be you!

You have acknowledged yourself that he allegedly can''t handle checking details and consequently he often makes mistakes. But he can also lie and be manipulative. I'd be questioning a number of things and one of them is this "can't handle" shit. Who has persuaded you that he's not a details man? Can lie and be manipulative are not the qualities I'd like in a next-door neighbour, never mind a spouse and business partner.

This man is not trustworthy and you are in danger of being put at terrible risk. And not only financial. Protect yourself, lady.

tasteslikechicken · 18/02/2017 09:46

I have a company that I am majority shareholder in, my have has b shares which allows me to give her a dividend that covers all of our family and household expenses. This helpful for both of our tax liabilities. Any adverse impact on her tax liability is covered by me.

She came to my office so we could both meet with the bank and she could see for herself what her liabilities would be (none) and be an authorised signatory up to £50k.

We discussed all of the above openly and in a considered way because , well because it's quite important stuff really.

He is treating you as a resource rather than a colleague. Worse still, I can't quite see where he is excercising his responsibilities and commitment to his wife and partner.

Get in touch with the bank Monday. You have to make your position clear now and verifiable in the future. Tell them you did not sign the document.

myoriginal3 · 18/02/2017 09:47

He is lying.