I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

I call BS. You're not interested in any advice or opinions. All you do is make excuses and gush over how handsome and "wordly" he seems. He's this amazing friend,but you know nothing about him or what he does all day.
The red flags are poking you in the eye but you refuse to acknowledge them.

Btw the money is from drugs and you'll be another DV statistic soon.

Coke dealer.

BTW, this poster is new to MN and hasn't - yet - posted anywhere else on the site ...

Just saying

You've had lots of suggestions about what dodgy stuff he could be up to, which are all possible, but I'll suggest a few legit ones, though he'd have no problem telling you if it was legit.

could he be living off a redundancy payment from a previous job.
Stocks and shares maybe?
Buying and selling stuff on Ebay/Sphock

I couldn't stay in a relationship if my BF can't ell me how he gets his money and he isn't working. I'm not sure if he has loads of money, or it just seems that way to you, perhaps because you've not had so much yourself.

I mean does he drive a car? Is it a new one/expensive one?
Does he take you to flashy restaurants?

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/sweet-talking-tinder-fraudster-left-9745000

Hope this link works, he sounds like a he could be up to no good like the guy in this article . He sounds well dodgy OP.

He sounds dodgy in the extreme

Indeed BIWI and has by pure coincidence chosen a NN that's almost identical to another Mumsnetter.

If he is as nice as you think, what harm would "listen, I am a bit confused, you always seem to have lots of money to splash, which I really appreciate, but where does it come from" do?

Surely you can find a way of asking nicely or tactfully? It's not unreasonable.

Someone who doesn't want to tell you, clearly doesn't want any sort of mutual adult relationship with you and doesn't trust you. Why would you settle for that in your life? If you are so scared of asking because he might dump you, that's absolutely no way to live your life, constantly walking on eggshells.

Regardless of whether or not you might be exposing your children to a dangerous man (which is a very real and legitimate concern) your attitude and self-esteem is equally potentially deleterious for your children.

I hate to be harsh or unkind but think about how Social Services would view it if he were a drug dealer or criminal?

Please get some counselling or therapy to boost your self esteem and give your children a positive role-model. You are 32 and responsible for 2 impressionable kids. That's old enough not to behave like a flibbertigibbet or teenager swooning over Harry Styles.

He has a cannabis grow. The depression and lack of motivation is classic weed head. The saying he can't stick at a job unless he likes it is classic ADHD and he is self medicating that with cannabis, probably high CBD type.

The paying with cash is weekly weed income and he spends it like water knowing there's more coming whilst laundering the money away from any banks.

The lack of family talk... Could he be adopted?

You can stash a grow chamber inside a wardrobe nowadays.

Let me guess... Is he also tall and wiry frame?

Completely agree, Hoddtastic. This guy sounds seriously dodgy but I think some posters are letting their imaginations run away with them.

Is he a pimp?

My first thought was drugs. But could he be claiming DLA for the depression ? I had a friend like this once, she would buy me things all the time but she had no job, new pj's, drinks, gifts all the time! She was always putting her daughter in the best clothes. Then one day she told me she was an 'escort' 😯

wow you guys have some very enterprising visions for this guy. he just sounds like an idiot whose got no outgoings because he sponges of his mother like a giant baby. so has his benefits left to splash about.

op he sounds like a prize loser and i would love the outcome of this to be that you find a way to improve your self esteem so you are not so dazzled by dirt!

Lol on all the dealer and pimp suggestions, , agree with the poster who said he's "not splashing the cash". He doesn't even have his own home, I'd take a bet it's just his dole money or his mums money and he doesn't pay anything for his kids. He just wants to appear to be the big man whilst not saying it's my unemployment benefits or I borrowed it from my mum. I'd also bet he doesn't give any of his benefits to hs mum, just lives off her.

Yes to be fair it doesn't seem as if he's spending thousands. He could well be living on whatever benefits he is claiming especially as he lives with his mother.

Drug dealer or loser sponger,he's still not someone OP should be in a relationship with,or have him around her kids and buying them gifts.

With all due respect to the people who've suggested he's just living well off benefits, I feel there is a bit of a cultural divide going on here. Huge tattoos are damn expensive. Spending all your time in the gym is damn expensive. He is getting money from something other than benefits.

What he is getting his money from is DRUG DEALING. It's laughable how obvious it is. What I don't get OP is how you are from a working class background yourself and don't see the signs?

-30 years old working class bloke who lives with his mum
-tattoos
-gym rat (gym culture is hugely linked to drug dealer culture, where I live anyway, I know not why. Loads of the gym owners are drug dealers as well as the attendees.)
-tons of CASH
-generous with his money but won't admit where he gets it

I'll say it again - laughably obvious.

You know what he is, what you do with that information is up to you.

For what it's worth love, I sympathise. I understand what you see in him. I also understand why you think he's so smart. When all the blokes around you speak in slang and grunts, someone who speaks in complete sentences sound like a genius! I've been there. And I've known a lot of drug dealers and some of them have been good fathers and good to their girlfriends. But more have been absolute scum. And even the most decent of them spend their time interacting with the absolute scum, running a risk of getting in debt to the absolute scum, and there is always the risk something will go wrong and they will bring those scumbags down on your doorstep. Or get shot. Or locked up. In the long run, love, it's a dangerous situation for you and your DCs. It's all fun and games and easy cash until you get a pipe-bomb through your window.

That is chilling to read, pp

Yeah, when you have to have a fire proof bag fitted to the inside of the letterbox after someone's tried to even the score by attempting to set the place ablaze, how good he looks in a hoody won't cut the mustard.

You don't sound very streetwise op. You are not thick just because you don't read the David Icke forum all day or buy into the new world order belief system.

Streetwise is a different kind of smart though and you are out of your depth here.

You are scared to ask him a perfectly reasonable and legitimate question for fear of upsetting him but you are not bothered about you or your kids being upset or put in danger.

There is a robust question to ask anyone who will be around your kids... What do you do... And be unapologetic about it. In fact you can say outright, I am trying to get the measure of you because I have children. Period. Just as he'd be sussing out any one that's not legit around his kids. He will just think you are young and dumb if you don't grow some balls and challenge him. And he will respect you even less for not putting your kids as the primary vehicle for challenging him. I can just imagine the conversations about you when he's in his smoking den with his weed buddies.

Gym membership at Bannatynes is £60 a month. Pub food is not that expensive and taxi fare. Buying gifts here and there and she hasn't said what gifts he bought her. I think he sounds vain and wants to look after his looks. He is probably living of his mum and benefits. He could be a gigolo he does sound very precious over how he looks.

I would bet a lot of money that this person is a criminal, either dealing drugs or handling / selling stolen / counterfeit goods;

wake up OP.

Music has posted exactly what I was going to say...classic dope user, grower and dealer. To the letter, right down to the conspiracy theory nonsense. The world owes him a living right?

A know one. He's great company and women seem to love him...he's nice enough and very funny, but a total bloody moron. He'll never step outside the world he's made for himself, trust me.

I agree with what MusicwithMedicine wrote, the last two paragraphs....

He's not going to be at Bannatyne gym is he! He's in a back Street steroids gym.