I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

Ask him about his education and what sort of job he is 'looking' for , what jobs has he had previously?

Seriously Op, it's one of the first things you find out about someone when you start chatting. I've got a new neighbour and I knew what she did for work within the first 15 minutes of talking to her .

Con man!

I'm sure I read of something very similar to your story, I can't for the life of me remember where, it might have even been one of those true crime podcasts, not sure but be very, very careful OP!

(It does sound a little like those stories where a woman lets this good looking con man into her life and he slowly poisons her but obviously don't want to worry you op)

I've not even RTFT but jesus,you introduceda guy you have worries over, in the matter of minutes, to your children?!?!

Get a fucking grip! Big mistake!! And yesmost likely a drug dealer

Why the hell are you bothering?!

Christ

If he's living at home and not running a car, it's likley he's just spending his benefit money, probably a bit of gambling, cash in hand jobs for mates kinda thing when he can. And his mum will be keeping him housed and fed!
What you describe doesn't scream flashing the cash to me, more a immature idiot who's not taking responsibility for himself or his children.

Aside from the fact he looks good in a hoody . Is he really the kind of role model you want for your children? Is he really the kind of man you would want a long term relationship with?

it certainly sounds like nothing good op - either slightly dodgy, funded by his mum etc. I wonder what that ex thinks about his ability to provide for his kids?

Of some guy as you describe started buying me anything I wanted but fuck all to show for it,I'd be giving it right back and telling him to put that money towards sorting himself out and providing for his kids

Eww

*if not of

i think he's a dealer...
everything you're saying screams dealer. sorry.

How many children does he have and how old are they?

Living with his mum must save him a lot of money

So do you suspect he could be a drug dealer? And you can't ask him about it to confirm or deny it?

Then I couldn't take that risk and he wouldn't be the kind of guy I'd want around my children.

So, to clarify... You have known this person for almost a year and you have no idea what he does all day / any day.

Because you always talk about yourself and your problems.

And any time you try to reciprocate and ask him anything about himself- such as ...what the fuck did you do all week besides gym and sleeping? And ... Very kind of you to buy me this, but if I can't afford it as a working parent, how can you afford it as an unemployed parent?

And stare hard until he answers.

Or does his twinkly laugh and swishy hair make you instantly forget?

... Part of my post got eaten up, but you get the gist.

Ask, repeat, ask. Tell him to stop laughing and just answer you because it's fucking creepy.

Why have you told him "every single personal and private thing i have been through" when he won't even tell you basic stuff like what he does for an income? This is a huge thing to conceal.

I've just read the OP again - how do you meet somebody on instagram? Is that a thing?

I feel old.

Anyone else love to know what this loser's maintenance arrangements for his kids are?

I would lay money on him not paying a bean for his kids

My bet is that he buys them things so he's a great dad, init?
And irregularly gives their mother a handful of dodgily 'earned' tenners, again, because he's a great dad.

I very much doubt there is a fair amount of maintenance calculated and paid regularly without fail.

Coke dealer

My initial reaction was drug dealer.

After reading a little more I just thought... wouldn't it be easier to ask him?

He's never ever asked me for money, in fact he's even lent me money when i've been completely skint. I owe him about 50 quid that i've borrowed off him before and he just says "don't worry about it" and to pay him back when i can. I've bought him dinner once or twice at my insistence because he has paid for everything whenever we've been out.

This is the grooming part, to gain your trust, before he asks for money. If he came straight out and asked for money, you would (hopefully) have said no. This way, he shells out a small amount as bait. The fact you don't realise this will make you very vulnerable, should this be the case. I hope I'm wrong, but be warned.

I agree User006 . I bet it won't be long before he needs money to set up a business or some such rubbish.

i'll be honest (without bitching about the op) but someone who has to borrow £50 and can't afford to buy coats is unlikely to be about to become part of some kind of scam to extract her riches FFS.

Women (mainly) have got themselves into all sorts of debt for these conmen.

Is he on his phone a lot? Taking calls then dissapearing? Is he about a lot at weekends or barely at all? That would scream dealer to me..