I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

If he's online a lot he could be scamming lonely women.

This is like being in a fucking echo chamber
This is like being in a fucking echo chamber

Twenty Five pages in and the OP still hasn't asked about his income. She is clearly enjoying the attention.

He said minimum wage work is no good to him because it won't pay for the things he needs such as getting his BMW back on the road, new clothes for his kids every week, food etc

What but having zero wage will pay for the things he needs??

he doesn't own a car but the last car he had or owned was a BMW, he has mentioned it in that tense as if he still has it but he doesn't drive it because he doesn't have insurance he said.

How can he get his BMW back on the road if he doesn't have it anymore?

This thread has got to be a piss take.

tripette

I think the term "Wentworthed" must be added to the MN lexicon at the very least, after "Wendied":

Wentworth: "to be Wentworthed", "truly Wentworthy", "that lad sounds like a real Wentworth" - to harbour the delusion that a lazy, scrounging, delusion no-mark is a real catch, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Agree.

OP, what are you trying to achieve with this surreal tale?

I can't believe that someone who is clearly educated and very articulate could be so naively deluded. I'm out.

Ok but you are still missing the point about cash. No proper job pays in cash. You have to have it paid into a bank account. So who paid him all this cash?

And no one here is ever going to believe that he was paid in cash then withdrew it to stuff under his mattress.

This was a waste pf time

I can't believe that this thread is still going.

He's hardly going to tell her where he gets his money from though if it's dodgy.

Blatantly place marking.

OK, I am going against the grain here

OP finds him fascinating, hot and intelligent. Appently he treats her well. She is not planning on marrying him or anything, so no social services involvement re his shadiness. So what's the problem?

Go for it OP. I went out with someone similar in my 30s and it was great [disclaimer - he was NOT a conspiracy theorist though, that would be beyond the pale] I just knew that it would be a brief fling and it was. No harm done.

It's amazing that everyone is saying (rightly) that this is sub mills and boon stuff, but we're all still suckered in!!!

I'm convinced some people here don't read my replies or they just bug me asking me the same question for the sake of it i already told you that i asked him where and he says it's cash he has saved up to have some fun with. He said he has cash saved from what he used to do. He didn't say if it's lots of cash or just a small amount. I didn't ask him what exactly he used to do as it seems like i'm pushing him too much and 2 be honest how is it all my business, but i may ask him more details when i see him on Saturday when we go for food. He then wants to go for drinks at some canal side bar he knows in town and then back to mine.

By the way i just chatted on the phone to him but again he sounded distant and kind of fed up, he wasn't as responsive as normal and he seems distant and moody but still wanted to confirm for Saturday. He said he saw an old friend who is a Muslim now and he was talking to him about Islam. He said that he has considered Islam in the past and he likes quite a bit about it but he doesn't believe in organised religion so he would feel hypocritical. I told him i'd get him the prospectus, he thanked me and said we will discuss it on Saturday and he wants me to write down the steps he has to take to get on his psychology and philosophy course (what kind of funds he needs, does he get grants, how many days a week etc) and give it to him on Saturday. He says he already has philosophy and some psychology books that he's studied in his own time and he still has them tons of them so he won't need new books, He just needs the key points of what he needs to do in simple terms so he can take each step at a time cos he's been told a hundred different things about course funding etc. Reasonable or not?

Everyone is jumping to conclusions that he's a dealer. He could be an escort.

He says he already has philosophy and some psychology books that he's studied in his own time and he still has them tons of them so he won't need new books

Yes he will. He'll need to read whatever the set books are.

No such thing as a straight male escort.

He could be a gay male escort.

I'd say not reasonable to be honest! He's 30 years old, you say he's intelligent so he can surely find all this information for himself, no? He's home all day, why isn't he looking it up himself?
The path he takes in this area will depend on what qualifications he already has anyway and you don't know that!

He's your boyfriend. You've spent time with each other's kids. You've socialised with his ex. You fuck and eat together. But you don't want to appear pushy by asking him what he's done in the past to build up his stash of cash?
I really, really hope you are not part of his current 'research' i.e. How far can he stretch a woman's gullibility?

Just the fact that you say your kids have met "most of your bfs" in the friend stage suggests there have been multiple occasions where they've met one of Mummy's special friends. Keep them away totally, whether you think they will develop into a love interest or not. I didn't meet my partner's kids for a really long time, until we were both totally sure that we were both entirely committed to one another and had similar ideals about where our lives were headed. And yes, that meant being entirely honest with each other about everything including our finances. By this time we'd also met each others' parents and important friends and had started to operate as a team, but one which was entirely separate from his DDs.

If this guy is to become a permanent fixture in your life you deserve total honesty from him, and frankly, a commitment about where he's headed. My other half would scrub toilets if that's what it took to put food on the table and show his kids a decent work ethic. You attract people you feel you deserve; take some time to build up your own confidence and then you will attract a man who values you and who you deserve. By all means one that makes your tummy flip over, but not one who makes you wonder why they're with you.

bluefolly op has clearly stated he's the one, she wants to see. Ore of him cos he's different to the losers she usually dates. He's socialising with her kids and no doubt op is fantasising about them all being a family

and he wants me to write down the steps he has to take to get on his psychology and philosophy course (what kind of funds he needs, does he get grants, how many days a week etc) and give it to him on Saturday
First step is being able to do independent research. We know he can do this cos he knows all about the masons and the aliens etc so he can spend a couple of hours doing it himself. Don't you work and go to college? Vs Mr gym bunny with nothing better to do

If he's not capable of researching how to get on this course then he may struggle to do it. I bet he'll be more distant the more the OP tries to help him out of his comfort zone.

He can research conspiracy theories but not how to apply for courses?

How will he get into the Freemasons??

Not reasonable. Presumably you have thing to do, DC to look after, a college course to concentrate on. Yes fair enough to pick him up a prospectus while you're there but why do you have to research what he needs to do? Surely he can do that himself?

Actually my theory is that he has no intention of doing a course. You pushed him a little bit on what he wanted to do so he came up with a bullshit idea about psychology. But he can't be bothered to do any finding out because he's not really going to do it - but it stops you 'nagging' him. So you can spend a few days looking into it, which keeps you happy because you're 'helping' him - and meanwhile he gets a quiet life.

Get him the prospectus OP then give it to him & tell him you've not had time to look into it, but that he can probably find out all the info in there. Then wait & see how long he takes to do anything about it....

He's got a stash of cash for enjoying himself but can't afford to put a car on the road? and I'm definitely not biting on his new interest in Islam, not falling into that trap at all.

Anyway, try him on this www.futurelearn.com/courses there are courses you can start straight away and even on short courses a certificate can be awarded. He should jump at it if he's that fed up about his lack of qualifications, although still harping on about school and his mother not helping him is a bit odd, that's half his lifetime ago. If he'd applied himself to something that was actually going to lead somewhere rather than playing on the internet, then he might be further forward than he is.

^my link above, not a skimlink

ISLAM?