I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

He would need to be a flirt to be a fitness instructor because his main clients would be women. He doesn't sound like a flirt. What about doing work in I.T its boring but it can pay well.

If we tell you he's cheating will you leave or allow it to continue cos you aren't good enough anyway and you don't want to lose him blah blah blah

Ellarose85 i use both mom and mum, when i tried to register my name as 'mommy' it said it was already taken. usually i'll say mom and majority of people i know say mom also and they aren't American so i'm not sure.

Emboo19 i'm not sure what he's done in college in the past, i didn't ask my sister what he studied but she remembers him well as they've seen each other since then in passing but she was on a childcare course and he was in the same college doing something else at the time. My sister SC me and encouraged me to go out with him at one point she reckons he's a nice lad.

I'm torn between thinking that this is a wind-up and that the OP is "vulnerable" in some way - be it educationally or emotionally. Because otherwise this literally makes no sense at all.

Now I don't know whether I should carry on screaming FOR GOD'S SAKE GET A GRIP/taking the piss or whether I should back off and feel anxious for the OP and her poor fucking blameless kids.

Oh yes he's a 'nice lad', no job but plenty of money, evasive, says bad things about the mother of his kids, won't spend time with you in the week. I'm wondering if your sister has the same low standards as you?

What about gas engineer or electrician they aren't boring jobs he can meet different people everyday. He can work for himself and earn a good money each week. He could cloth and feed everybody.

Londonsburningahhhh i will ask him about I.T as i know he spends a lot of time on his computer but he said he usually just chats to people about conspiracies and he uses it for his research. He said people he knows in America and Canada send him books on freemasonry that he can't get in the UK and that mainly he keeps in touch with them.

'he's different'. Aye right, so he is.

Let me tell you a true story OP. Friend of mine got involved with a drug dealer, went on to have kids with him and to all intents and purposes lived quite a nice life. Until he got busted and banged up. She lost her house, her car and her kids. She got the kids back eventually but they were of course traumatised.
If this guy is a drug dealer and you allow him into your children's lives you risk losing them. Just wanted to make you aware of that.

....What do I think?

I think I wouldn't trust him with my sandwich, let alone be in a relationship with him.

Your sis said he's awesome but only sees him in passing...

What about doing work in I.T its boring but it can pay well
It isn't boring and it does require some aptitude!

Go with him to the job centre and remind him that working should improve his mental health more than sitting at home everyday.

Offer to go to the GP with him to talk about his depression. They can access counselling, talk about medication etc.

Tell him a relationship is about sharing and that whilst you don't want to pry, hope in love with him and want to be closer emotionally to him.

"I'm torn between thinking that this is a wind-up and that the OP is "vulnerable" in some way - be it educationally or emotionally"

Or a persistent fantasist. Interesting how just when the thread is flagging a bit a new little dripfeed comes, isn't it - like how he's been to college, and now the Facebook post. Almost like OP wants everyone to keep shouting impotently at her through the ether.

Patricia Yep yep. I keep changing my mind as to what I feel about this one.

..it's just occurred to me that steroid use is associated with psychosis as well as depression. That might be an explanation for his oh-so-mysterious "reserve" (paranoia), his low mood and his conspiracy theories (delusions). Just putting it out there.

I think Trip makes a good point.

My (very real) DH has schizophrenia (real as well, with medication, psychiatrists and shit)

When he starts youtubing Russian war ships or whatever the fuck is the latest bollocks is I know he needs to see his doctor.

He isn't very mysterious though, and he looks more like Steve McDonald then Wentworth Miller.

It isn't boring and it does require some aptitude!

It depends on what you do doesn't it. All jobs get boring eventually and repetitive that's why most people carry on studying. There is always something new that is coming out new laws or new technology.

He likes conspiracy theories and talks about random crap a lot?

Mystery solved! His a stoner who deals drugs.

^ THIS with this:

With all due respect to the people who've suggested he's just living well off benefits, I feel there is a bit of a cultural divide going on here. Huge tattoos are damn expensive. Spending all your time in the gym is damn expensive. He is getting money from something other than benefits.

What he is getting his money from is DRUG DEALING. It's laughable how obvious it is. What I don't get OP is how you are from a working class background yourself and don't see the signs?

-30 years old working class bloke who lives with his mum
-tattoos
-gym rat (gym culture is hugely linked to drug dealer culture, where I live anyway, I know not why. Loads of the gym owners are drug dealers as well as the attendees.)
-tons of CASH
-generous with his money but won't admit where he gets it

Sorry for copying and pasting, but you've both put this better than I could.

Well that's not exactly what you said originally and either way talking to tinfoilers on chat isn't much to impress employers with.

I've come to the conclusion this is all a load of bollocks.

he said he usually just chats to people about conspiracies and he uses it for his research

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Where the arse are mnhq

I've just read through this whole thread and i'm sorry but this is a piss take right ?

At 32 as alleged by the OP surely no one is that naive? This has got to be made up BS. If not then i feel sorry for the children who get introduced to this obvious street level drug dealer

Tons of women like him and people are always asking for more of his comments on fb?! Really

OP - I'm not going to attack or judge you.

If you really like/love this guy, then why don't you have a heart to heart with you and tell him how you feel re him disclosing things from you? Tell him that in order to have an open and honest relationship you would appreciate him sharing more about his personal life and explain you have concerns about where his finances are coming from. You have every right. There are children involved at the end of the time, as a mother it is your duty my dear to find out!! If he respects you then he should be able to open up, otherwise how else can a relationship continue if one side is so guarded and secretive?

Also, I think you mentioned you have never been to his house. Why not?

*heart to heart with him

His research?