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Original poster

I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

785 replies

mummytotwo2 · 16/02/2017 15:41

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

OP posts:
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Original poster
mummytotwo2 · 22/02/2017 16:13

angieloumc actually they weren't but whatever makes you feel better. You and others are judging him because he's from a council estate and he's not middle class. Y can't u admit you are replying from a position of bias here? You have an image in your head of him as scum from the start.

also people here seem to think i only do one thing or another with no in between! what the actual hell? I said i'd like this man around more often because he is NOT the guys i've been with. He's different, he's the exception, and more important to me. I didn't really want them around me all the time because they really weren't anything special and the relationships were only temporary or FWB situations. I could do without seeing them all day every day, so now i find 'the one' of course i am going to break my own rule of having the guy around me more often when i actually desire him there. How hard can that be to understand?

OP posts:
Emboo19 · 22/02/2017 16:13

In one of your first post you said he doesn't own a car, now he has a BMW Confused

feelingAncient · 22/02/2017 16:14

Credit cards depressed with the debt he's getting in can't control his spending.

tripette · 22/02/2017 16:15

I think the term "Wentworthed" must be added to the MN lexicon at the very least, after "Wendied":

Wentworth: "to be Wentworthed", "truly Wentworthy", "that lad sounds like a real Wentworth" - to harbour the delusion that a lazy, scrounging, delusion no-mark is a real catch, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

tripette · 22/02/2017 16:15

Oof, beaucoup de typos! Sorry.

MommaGee · 22/02/2017 16:17

judging him because he's from a council estate and he's not middle class
Im from a council estate, I'm working class, I came from a single parent family and dawn right I'm judging him.

For being too good to get a minimum wage job and work his way up. For not setting his kids a good exam. For getting money from illegal means - even you concede it's probably dodgy. I wouldn't care if he came with a silver spoon up his ARSE, it's how you act not where you were born

Original poster
mummytotwo2 · 22/02/2017 16:17

Emboo19 he doesn't own a car but the last car he had or owned was a BMW, he has mentioned it in that tense as if he still has it but he doesn't drive it because he doesn't have insurance he said. I don't know if he physically still owns the car or not as i haven't been to his house. That's all i know about his driving situation (and yes he does have a legal non-dodgy driving licence before u start as i've seen it personally!)

OP posts:
MommaGee · 22/02/2017 16:18

Get a prospectus and find out when the open days are. Go with him and encourage him to sign up. Lots of free ones.
Does he have basic English and maths to grade c? If not he definitely needs to get on those.

Go with him to the job centre and remind him that working should improve his mental health more than sitting at home everyday.

Offer to go to the GP with him to talk about his depression. They can access counselling, talk about medication etc.

Is there any chance he's using steroids to build up his physique? Very common in gyms and could be contributing to his depression

Tell him a relationship is about sharing and that whilst you don't want to pry, hope in love with him and want to be closer emotionally to him.

Then wait for the excuses

tripette · 22/02/2017 16:20

OP, I think we'd all be prepared to woman-up and admit that we were wrong if you came back and told us that his money was from an inheritance or a lottery win (I think you'd need some proper proof though, for your own sake, not for ours). But you don't know where it's from, do you? And he won't tell you, will he?

So what should we all conclude from that?

angieloumc · 22/02/2017 16:20

We're judging him because he doesn't have a job and doesn't sign on; has no apparent way of getting money but has cash to splash around, not because he comes from a council estate, what an idiot you are.

Londonsburningahhhh · 22/02/2017 16:21

Your posts are insulting to those of have come from that background and worked hard to never return. As long as you can afford an extra mouth to feed then its up to you who you have around you. Donald Trump came from a wealthy background and he's thick I laugh every time he talks.

MommaGee · 22/02/2017 16:22

And ask he's such a great guy who can still be down with the kids, speak to yourpcal council about volunteering for youth work. No qualifications needed, use a D S check, certainly isn't boring and very worthwhile so good for his mh

Ellisandra · 22/02/2017 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
mummytotwo2 · 22/02/2017 16:24

MommaGee I am going to get the prospectus for him when i'm next in college but he says he wants to do psychology? I just go to a local small college and i haven't heard of them running those courses i'd think he needs the path of uni for that? But i'm going to check it out for him as i have quite a bit of experience with study myself and he seems to have no idea about anything to do with it. It's strange tho because he was in college when he met my sister so he's obviously done some kind of courses or education in the past.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 22/02/2017 16:28

Yeah, it is strange, isn't it? Hmm
Almost like it's a pile of bullshit excuses.

Most colleges of any size offer psychology A level - it's a good money spinner as it is popular because people think "oooh, analysing people sounds fun". It's actually a great A level with a solid science and mathematical (statistics) base, with plenty of scope for developing critical thinking and writing skills too.

I expect he'll decide it's not for him when it actually comes to doing something though.

Londonsburningahhhh · 22/02/2017 16:29

If he wants to go to uni he needs to do an access course for 1 year. If his GCSE's are poor then he will need to retake English and Maths and possibly another subject depending on what he wants to do. You can support him but he has to do it himself and does he want to?

If you are serious about this relationship then you need to have an honest conversation with him. Time will pass you by and you'll look back on regret. You don't want to waste your time on someone who doesn't care.

Original poster
mummytotwo2 · 22/02/2017 16:32

I actually really dread seeing when he posts a new pic of himself up because i can see all these tons of women liking it and i think to myself how do i know he's not found one of them he likes better and he's meeting up with them and getting to know them the same way he did me. I guess that's sad yeah? I never was with a guy that was popular with this many women before. Sad i know.

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 22/02/2017 16:32

Psychology requires years of study to be any use for earning. It sounds like he thinks it will be interesting but it won't get him off MW and he'd probably need to do GCSE English and maths before doing an A Level. And then what?

MommaGee · 22/02/2017 16:33

Go with him to the job centre and remind him that working should improve his mental health more than sitting at home everyday.

Offer to go to the GP with him to talk about his depression. They can access counselling, talk about medication etc.

Is there any chance he's using steroids to build up his physique? Very common in gyms and could be contributing to his depression

Tell him a relationship is about sharing and that whilst you don't want to pry, hope in love with him and want to be closer emotionally to him

angieloumc · 22/02/2017 16:33

He probably is.

JazzFunk · 22/02/2017 16:35

OP I don't understand why you started this thread.

You wanted to know if it was normal for a man to not tell you where his money comes from. We all said a big unanimous no. So you dropped that bit as you didn't like the answer.

Now you want somebody to give you the magic answer to how you can movitate him to get off his arse and do something. But the truth is, there's nothing you can do. If he really wanted to get some qualifications, to to college and train for a good job, he would do it - just like millions of other people do. You can't change anybody else, ever.

So be pretty sure that you're happy with somebody with no drive, no goals and no desire to to better himself - because if he does stick around, that's what you've got - end of.

If you're really as happy with this 'man' as you say you are, you may as well hide this thread and get on with it, because you're clearly not going to take anybody's advice. And no matter how long you keep this thread going, and however many more you start, you're not going to get one single person saying he's worth a shit.

Londonsburningahhhh · 22/02/2017 16:35

Why don't he do a fitness instructor course and earn money that way. Seeing as he loves himself and the attention from other females.

MommaGee · 22/02/2017 16:35

Share the instagram link then OP

tripette · 22/02/2017 16:37

No woman ever succeeded in taking on a man as a "project". This whole thread is absolutely fucking absurd. You sound like a teenager, OP - and so does he. Thirtysomething father posting fucking selfies on fucking Instagram. I bet he's "flexing", isn't he?

TinfoilHattie · 22/02/2017 16:37

Sounds like some people are so open minded about conspiracy theories that their brain has fallen out. Do not fall into the trap of confusing people who read about conspiracy theories with people who are educated and articulate.

OP is shallow and dim - all she's bothered about is that her "boyfriend" looks good and spends money on her. She doesn't care if he's a drug dealer, that can all be brushed aside because he's fit. She sounds about 12.

OP's boyfriend could EASILY find out about college courses or employment if he wanted - but it's clear he doesn't. Can't be arsed because he's sitting pretty living with his mum, doting yet dim girlfriend, and earning enough dodgy cash to fund his lifestyle.

Would be VERY interesting to get the ex girlfriend's take on it all.

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