I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

I did offer advice re prospectus and job centre but I suspect there will be a reason it won't work for him OP. Too much oppression or the Daily Mail telling him to do it.

If DH lost his job, got depressed etc of course I'd help but if he suddenly appeared with lots to cash I'd demand to know where it came from. If he refused to tell me we have issues. If he was out all day and didn't tell me what he was up to there would be issues. If he spent half his life in the gym there would be issues as he should be looking for work.

So here's my helpful advice.

Get a prospectus and find out when the open days are. Go with him and encourage him to sign up. Lots of free ones.
Does he have basic English and maths to grade c? If not he definitely needs to get on those.

Go with him to the job centre and remind him that working should improve his mental health more than sitting at home everyday.

Offer to go to the GP with him to talk about his depression. They can access counselling, talk about medication etc.

Is there any chance he's using steroids to build up his physique? Very common in gyms and could be contributing to his depression

Tell him a relationship is about sharing and that whilst you don't want to pry, hope in love with him and want to be closer emotionally to him.

Then wait for the excuses

So you don't care now about the mysterious money? What form does his depression take?

AnarchyKitty I've never been to his house because i've never asked to go. I've never been to any of my exes houses either except my first partner who is the father of my children which was a long term relationship. Honestly most of my relationships apart from the kids dad haven't lasted longer than 6-8 months so there was just never any need/time to go to their house, they don't really come to mine either..we just spend time together doing fun stuff and activities outside the home environment. It's not odd to me that i don't go to his house.

You didn't post asking us how to "motivate" and "build" him.

You asked us why he is so "reserved", especially concerning where he gets his money from, and whether this is "normal". Umpteen women (many of whom noted they've been in similar situations, or had first-hand knowledge of such) told you that - he is almost certainly involved in something underhand and probably illegal. Umpteen women told you that - no, this is not normal. Umpteen women said - why are you finding this bullshitting muppet impressive, or appealing?

However, you don't want to seem to listen to any of us, because he looks hawt in his tracky-daks and he talks ghetto slang with his equally dumb-arse deadbeat pals. Jesus H Christ, OP, are you fifteen?

But, seeing as you asked - you are going to fail in any attempt to "motivate" or "build" him. He thinks conventional jobs are for suckers. Note, however, that this doesn't mean he's a legit freelancer, or working on a business plan - he's much happier living with mummy and dealing/stealing/whatever on the side. Why the hell should he change? For the record, every single solitary job you can possibly imagine is "boring" at one point or another. Every single one. Even jobs you create for yourself. He's being a great big pathetic baby if he can't see or accept that.

And anybody who believes in "conspiracy theories" - and, rather more pertinently, wants publicly to waffle on about them - is not some kind of misunderstood, rebel genius with unique insight into "the system" and how it controls us all. They're a fucking tool.

At this point I thank goddess that I have no kids, because if I ever had a daughter who was taken in by a muppet like young "Wentworth" here her feet wouldn't touch the fucking ground, thirtysomething or no. (And no son of mine would be raised to be a sponging, deadbeat, baby daddy dickhead either).

If you don't go to boyfriend's houses as they don't come to yours...

Do you have a lot of back seat and alley way sex?

Ellisandra 😰 😂

^ my phone shows the first emoji as a fainting face, not sure where that cold sweat came from....

*Upyourdaisy' a cold sweat face in case you ever meet a charmer like him 😂

ExplodedCloud he says he is depressed because he feels his life is passing him by but he doesn;t know what to do about it. There are several things he'd like to do but doesn't know how to get started in it because he has no formal education and no work experience. He asked his mum for help but he said ever since he left school her attitude was that he's a man and he should stand on his own 2 feet and sort his own stuff out and she's so busy working to help a grown man find a path etc. this is what he's told me that he feels he's let his mom down because his sister and brother are doing fine and all her friends sons who are his age are doing something with their life but he's in a situation where he's stuck and can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. He said minimum wage work is no good to him because it won't pay for the things he needs such as getting his BMW back on the road, new clothes for his kids every week, food etc but he would consider minimum wage if it was something he enjoyed doing. He said he doesn't mind manual work such as warehouse but he can't work retail because he isn't good with dealing with customers who are rude and he'd lose his temper and get sacked anyway.

Upyourdaisy You were sweating at the thought of Dappy Wentworth Muppetboy in his tracky-daks, 'fess up now.

angieloumc a girl can dream...

Seriously though op, you can do a hell of a lot better.

tripette oh stop it you lot, the aftershocks from my belly chuckle are waking the baby!

So he's obviously getting his money from illegal activity then! You really must be either desperate or very stupid, I'm sorry. Whyever would you let someone like this be involved with your children?

And can you please knock your race chip off your shoulder?

Nobody said a damn thing about him being white or not white except you who gave us an ethnicity breakdown of his mates

He can be any colour of the rainbow - he's still a jobless bullshitting loser!

You say you've replied to people - you have replied to me. My question was WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ASK HIM FOR A STRAIGHT AND FULL ANSWER ON WHERE THE MONEY COMES FROM?

What's obvious to me is you don't care that it's the proceeds of crime. What you care about is that your dreamboat won't tell you. Seems you're not soulmates afterall

Ellisandra lol of course they've stayed over at my house when we have sex or a drink up etc haha but then they go home the next day or the day after. This guy does that, he stays the weekend or half the weekend sometimes then goes back. That's how i like it, i can't stand being smothered and having a man round the house all day. Need me space. I've always had my own place tho so it's not been a big deal to me where he lives. I have friends stop over mine quite often too but i've never been to their house either.

getting his BMW back on the road

I call one stereotype too many

You're making me laugh though.

So how is zero income better than minimum wage - for getting that beemer to purr again?

Oh wait - he doesn't have zero income! Cos he's dodgy low life criminal scum!

And do your kids call all these blokes 'Uncle'?
You're sounding worse every time you post.

op "I gave you a hole message of helpful ideas. Which are you implementing? They even addressed his lack of form education.

minimum wage work is no good to him because it won't pay for the things he needs such as getting his BMW back on the road, new clothes for his kids every week, food etc so instead he sits about doing no work for no money...

Yes, but: why won't you ask him to cut the bullshit and tell you how he gets his money?

(Clue: because you care more about the pretty things he buys you than where they come from)

Why on earth would he buy new clothes for his kids every week?

Oh sorry - it's cos he's a good dad. Init.

minimum wage work is no good to him because it won't pay for the things he needs such as getting his BMW back on the road, new clothes for his kids every week

A++, OP. Sterling work. I've never been quite sure whether this is a troll thread or not.

He does rock them trakkies though. Apologies op

snort

Yo, dawg. I believe that's "ghetto" talk.