I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

Sorry OP but you wrote that, maybe read your posts back. Seriously though what are you wanting to achieve by posting, you have said has to get money from somewhere so his 'kids eat'.
Are you really expecting us to believe that the mother of his kids doesn't feed them or look after them properly? If so why doesn't this superstar not worry about being 'mean' and go for full time care?

He doesn't look like Wentworth looks now who's old now i believe lol but he looks a bit like him when he was younger. He looks kinda like this when he leaves his hair to grow longer except he has a beard affability.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/wentworth_miller004-headshot-med.jpg

Well i wasn't looking for advice on how to leave this man just about him being very reserved. Most people here seem to be telling me to ditch him but i don't want to do that because i won't find any guy like this again so i'm not going to agree that i should dump him when i don't wanna do that. At this point i'm worried about him leaving me or getting bored of ME!

Hello Mummytotwo2,

I know you think that everyone is just having a go at you, but why don't you stop for a minute and try to think why it is that every single person on this thread is telling you that this guy is no good?

You seem to be deliberately ignoring the fact that no normal person wanting to be in a relationship would be so cagey about what they do for a living/how they get their money. Surely you would want to share this with your partner? The fact that he is so evasive suggests he has something to hide, doesn't it?

As many, many other posters have said, you need to protect yourself - and especially your children - by NOT getting involved with someone who really is dodgy on so many fronts.

Please forget about his good looks and his smooth talking - there is nothing of substance there. Please don't bury your head in the sand about this, as it could end very badly for you and your children.

Why don't you ask him what he does all day/for money etc? Really sorry if I've missed something skim reading but after knowing him for a year it's really not rude to ask. Pick up the phone, call him and ask him. You said he's easy to talk to and listens and cares - explain this is something worrying you...

He sounds dreamy.....

OP you do realise that the posters on here resemble nothing like this below don't you?

And that people are concerned for the welfare of children here, and their mothers?

OP YOU started this thread asking if it's weird that he doesn't tell you where he gets his money.

We all said it is.

So what are you going to do now?

You're taking the piss out of working class people. Your boyfriend has no class he is what you call a bum. Aim higher for goodness sake I wonder what ambitions you have for your children if that's your standard. I didn't do that well at school so I had to catch up and work doubly hard for my children. I would never have done that without my partner who is a studious and hard working man. He is proud of where he comes from a working class background from Hackney.

He sounds ignorant and uneducated and that's your standard as long as he buys you things and talks shit in your head. Don't you want more for yourself and your children?

I have never seen a happy ending to these stories. My partner has already warned our 3 girls not to come home with a stupid man. How does your family feel about your choice in men or is this history repeating it self?

I've read a lot of ridiculous threads on MN, but this one is quite possibly the most crazy one I have ever come across. OP, seriously, stop being so blinded by his good looks and splashing of ill gotten cash and have a word with yourself. In any normal relationship it is usual to share details of each other's lives, finances, work etc. This relationship is way leftfield of normal. Although it seems you are hellbent on pursuing him regardless, take a minute to ask yourself what you'd say to a friend who was in the same situation. Hopefully you'd advise as the rest of us have. Run, fast and don't look back.

My girls looked at the picture and they said ewwwww and my youngest said he wants a yogurt (I don't know what that means but its not good).

Thank fuck for that.

because i won't find any guy like this again
Good!! That's the point. We're all telling you you can do and do deserve better!!

My guy looks like a younger Wentworth Miller and is extremely handsome.

Fucking hell I'm crying with laughter. OP I hope this is real

Looks like Wentworth Miller, eh? Ah, I see now where you're going with the plot twist...

It's not drugs, he does gay-for-pay Prison Break-esque porn movies.

Can a man only deserve respect in your opinion if he is wealthy, white, middle class, and wears suits all the time even leisurely? Come on. Mine also wears suits when he wants but you've gotta be more open-minded haven't you?!!

My partner is black so what are you talking about. He is a studious and hard working man and he's proud of that. You need to open up your mind only white men work hard and study are you serious.

He said he won't go for custody of his kids yet because he is still on good terms with the mom even tho she is not a great parent and he doesn't want to be mean to her and for her to think he's snatching the kids from her and denying them a mother

He hasn't got a place of his own so more talk shit in your head.

None of you seem to want to give me advice on how i can help him and motivate him more and build him etc one reply did suggest to get him a prospectus from my college and he can find his course which i am going to do next time i'm there, but let me ask you if the man you loved or your husband lost his job and fell into a depression or was going through a rough time would you just say "fuck off i want a motivated man" or would you help him get better and build his self esteem and confidence back up? I don't think you would just ditch a man who was going through a bad patch. Men are men but they aren't robots and sometimes it's hard for them to let their guard down due to pride etc so why would you just write them off? I believe in helping people you care about not getting rid of them because they are in a weak spot.

This man is not violent or abusive or anything like that so why would i kick him to the curb? i always help my friends out when they are feeling abit low or depressed and the same applies to boyfriends or anyone close to me in my life. I don't want to turn my back on him when he's done nothing wrong.

None of you seem to want to give me advice on how i can help him and motivate him more and build him etc

Usually imaginary men respond well to hot chocolate and marshmallows OP. Try that. Then maybe take him for a little magic carpet ride.

So tell us why you think he 'deserves respect'? I could do with a laugh today,

How old are you? I'm sorry but you come across as a loved up teenager who wouldn't see the shit if it walked up and smacked you square on the nose.

The love of my life has never stopped studying and in the 15 years we have been together he has lost his job twice and he always walks straight into another. My partner has been depressed and had alcohol issues which he worked through but he never sat still waiting for money to come to him. I supported him right the way through. You have to get a 30 year old man a prospectus from a college that's embarrassing. If he hasn't got it in him to get it himself then he's not going to do it.

If you love this man then give him tough love and tell him to get off his arse and get it himself. What sort of role model is he to his own children.

Because we'd support our partners change in fortune as the circumstances they came under were beyond their control.

Because when we chose to be with them, they were decent, open, honest, hard working, upstanding people. They will have earned our respect.

He's never done....anything. He's achieved....nothing. He's 30, not 22. He has kids and an ex partner to support. He's contributed fuck all to society.

Even if you do get him a college prosepctus, do you honestly think he's going to sign up for anything? And then, if he does, is he likely to stick with it. Nothing you've said so far makes him sound like a man with ambition or drive. If his depression and self confidence are barriers, why don't you encourage him to seek help? But then he won't will he? Because external agencies are all part of the New World Order and other batshit conspiracy rubbish.

Waves at OP
WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN TO HIS HOUSE?

Sorry for shouting but you seem to be studiously ignoring that question.

Why would you put your heart and soul into someone when you know nothing about them really. The last person I met as gullible as you ended up with an OH who landed in jail and she lost everything.