I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

Am I the only one singing Dry your eyes, mate when I read this?

I did ask him when i very first met him when we were mates what he does for a living he told me he doesn't have a job but he's looking for one but doesn't want just any job it has to be something that doesn't bore him. And that's all he said.

OP, if you don't start thinking hard about your situation and setting some standards for you and your DC, then you're most likely going to stay star struck at this man, move him into your life, and he'll spin the same story - jobs are too 'boring'.

It sounds like he can talk the talk, but there's nowt there to support his ideas of grandeur. The ideal
Job doesn't exist and he'll be forever theorising and sponging off the state/you/his Mum/possibly illegal stuff.

It's time for hardball OP. Don't leave yourself wide open.

I'm going with plain old benefit fraud, the more I read. He'll be claiming ESA, in receipt of DLA for his "depression", add in a touch of housing benefit (he will be claiming to live somewhere other than his mothers I suspect), maybe a bit of weed dealing on the side with an odd cash in hand job to help mates.... he'd have a lot more disposable income than most people with pretty well paying jobs.

Plus, when he doesn't buy you something you like right away, then presents you with it weeks later - have you considered that he has either gone back and shoplifted it himself, or had someone else do it? You may laugh at the idea but I've come across several people who shoplift to order and it's just seen as normal life in some social circles (think Twiggy in The Royle Family, no one blinked an eye at him turning up with bags of nicked stuff and would put their orders in).

He has probably spent many, many hours just sitting around chatting about conspiracy theories with others who don't work. It's not so hard to develop a fine physique when you've had all day for many years to go to the gym whenever you want. He's probably quite bright but has never worked, possibly didn't do well at school and has no idea about the world of work so wouldn't know where to start.

Do any of his family work, do you know? I probably sound like the Daily Mail (honestly I am the furthest from it you can imagine), but there are some families and areas where parents don't work so the kids have no positive role model in that regard. Hence his defensiveness about not working, saying it isn't necessary morally etc.

Be careful though, my mum's friend had an almost identical experience and it turned out that he (and his dad) was the local money lender - he'd go round with a shotgun collecting his payments on the estate!

Have you heard of money laundering and the Proceeds of Crime Act?

Having given 5 more minutes thought to this, given the use of cash rather than bank cards, I am leaning less towards benefit fraud and more towards drug dealer. Probably both, going by several individuals I have known in the past.

p.s. watching Zeitgeist on Netflix doesn't make you a philosopher

Freemasonry?

Do you have a secret handshake?

Have you researched Freemasonry? If not, do.

Agree Roomba probably has the mother of his kids roped into it too, maybe claiming from her place.

She's a smitten kitten so she'll do anything for him while he dangles the bogus carrot of reconciliation in front of her and throws the kids a couple of new pairs of Nikes a year.

He's always available unlike some of my friends boyfriends

I'm ex council estate, child of divorce, violent parents, dragged myself up too btw OP.

Now I'm I guess successful and university educated.

But you see what I did was actually do what I talked about to make the things I wanted to happen. Not sit there pissing and procrastinating to anyone who'll listen about how it's not my fault and it's all because of "the man".

But in 5 years time when he's still complaining about how none of this is his fault and he still doesn't have a job or career (because he'll block all your attempts to actually guide him into anything solid), and as you will have a career you'll pay for his gym membership and sexy trackie bottoms!!! Let's see then how his laid back stylee impresses you....

Think of it like a future tax on stupidity.

Actually scrap my last post....

You know... I think you two should go for it, you share the same persecution complex...just you two alone in the wilderness of life, sticking it to the man and fighting the system on a daily basis.

Maybe you're like those two in The Matrix. 

Ignore us, we're just the evil misery drones typing shit with our robotic fingers about your hero to keep him under the control of "the Man".

Or as it's Mumsnet - "The Woman"

And here's the conspiracy blown wiiiiiide open...

T.E.R.F actually stands for Transponding Electronic Robotic Females.

He sounds dodgy as fuck, and you sound desperate.

AgentProvocateur I agree

This is terrifying. I have an awakening going on myself, I never knew anyone could be so dippy as to actually go for any of this!

OP, instead of ringing him, ring your nearest therapist and work out with someone impartial exactly what the heck is attracting you to this muppet. Because everything you have written here isn't healthy for you and sure as hell isn't healthy for your children. Get some self respect and enjoy your own 'awakening' when you realise exactly how you are being played by this man for his own reasons.

You suspect he's a drug dealer OP. Are you happy with your children being around criminals?

You should just ask him outright OP he'd probably bung you some free weed

Your an idiot.

DD2's Dad decided after we split up and obviously without me knowing to try his hand at being a drug dealer.

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/local/southdurham/ferryhill/15062708.19yearroldmannappearsinncourtchargeddwithattackkonaaFerryhillcoupleeintheirrown_home/

The couple in the paper are him and his gf. It was blind luck my DD wasn't there as at the time he had eow contact.

I could cheerfully murder him myself after that. Needless to say he has lost his child because of it.

Why would you want this man near your DC?

Sadly I don't doubt the op is genuine

he said he never had a dad about to show him so that's why he's there for his kids because his dad was never about

He's not 'there for his kids' though. He walked out on them, and their mother, because she's 'useless'. But if she's really that bad, why is he happy for her to bring up his children? Why doesn't he go for custody of his kids so he can really be 'there for them'?

If i want to talk and i am upset i know he will always be there at the other end of the phone

Er - he's not though, is he? Only yesterday you said you phoned him twice and he didn't answer. He texted to say he was busy with 'the pressures of life'

'm going with plain old benefit fraud, the more I read. He'll be claiming ESA, in receipt of DLA for his "depression", add in a touch of housing benefit (he will be claiming to live somewhere other than his mothers I suspect)

I was thinking that too. With a little bit of dealing thrown in.

I don't understand for the life of me how women can find men like this attractive. OP you know what I find attractive in a man? Somebody who has his life sorted out and is responsible for himself, who works hard and has a goal he's working towards. Somebody who actually earns his money and really looks after his family. Somebody who wouldn't have the time to fuck about 'researching' conspiracy theories because he's too busy leading a real life.

Why don't you think you deserve somebody like that OP? I think the sad truth is, for all the ribbing you're getting on this thread for fancying somebody a bit 'dodgy', you don't think you deserve any better. Actually, you don't even think you deserve somebody as useless as him.

Why is that OP? Somebody or something has dragged you down to the point that you appear to have zero self esteem or self respect.

You don't want to address the responses you're getting OP, so what's the point . Although I'd love to know about these £30 restaurant starters.

OP, if you are not a troll (and, let's be honest here, your whole story reads like something rejected by Mills and Boon), then you are wilfully being thick as mince.

This male character of yours is only just intelligent enough to scam money for a living and string you along. So far we've seen nothing redeeming in him and the "I'm just a poor boy with odds stacked against me" routine is hackneyed and lame. Your female character does not inspire empathy, just frustration at her relentlessly blind stupidity.

Pretend you're in a potboiler bestselling novel and rewrite your female character so she doesn't come across as stupid, greedy and frustratingly, almost wilfully, vulnerable.

And don't expect the royalties to roll in just yet. There's a fair bit of work to be done on the plot first.

I don't think this can be a plot for a novel.

Where's it going? Where's the happy ending? I think we all know there can't be one.

Alain Ducasse at the Dorchester and Restaurant Gordon Ramsay have a 3-course menu at around £120. However, I have my doubts Mr Gym Rat Hoodie Dealer would get his foot in the door

Jazz I rather think the heroine sees herself in a more gritty real life romantic drama...a la the Noel Clarke genre.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adulthood_(film))*

With a soundtrack from Loyle Carner.

" the pressures of life"

Oh it must be so fucking soul destroying

And as for the comment about him being there for his children because his dad never was...erm....it's called being a father and sounds like a pretty shitty one at that

Does he call his ex his babymuvva OP?

UnbornMortificado I tried to tell her all this many pages back, but she cheerfully admitted she's not reading the replies, so I gave up.

Then she accused us of being prejudiced against people on the dole (lol I've been on the dole) and people from working class estated (lol most of my friends) and thinking anyone who has sold drugs is automatically scum (admittedly a lot of people on this thread do think that but I don't, I'm not gonna get into a debate about it though)

What I tried to warn her about is the scum they bring down on your doorstep.

A pipe bomb hit my friends house because she lives next door to a dealer.

This shit is fucking real and OP for all you bang on about not being from a 'sheltered background' you come across as painfully naive.

UnbornMortificado I'm so so glad your DD wasn't in the house and is safe.

I just hope he's also buying his mother lovely gifts for putting up with the job dodging twat