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Original poster

I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

785 replies

mummytotwo2 · 16/02/2017 15:41

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
RebelRogue · 21/02/2017 19:08

etc it's what's inside that counts.

Inside his wallet you mean?

Zaphodsotherhead · 21/02/2017 19:11

OP, imagine you and he split up, against your will, you are in love with him. Then imagine that he invites you for a drink to meet the new love of his life. Would you go? No? So why did his ex?

Maybe because she was afraid he would withdraw all support for the children unless she did as he wanted...

spinspinshuga · 21/02/2017 19:15

Good God, OP - for your sake, I really hope you're sitting here laughing at us all for believing any of this. Because this specimen sounds like a complete and utter buffoon. No sane or sensible woman would be impressed with any of this bullshit and skulduggery.

I've been trying to think of a diplomatic way to put this, and failing. So here it is. You sound in desperate need of education and experience (and, I imagine, removing yourself from your current location of Dead End Street, Crapsville). Both of these things would open your eyes to the fact that this low-rent tosser bears as much relationship to a "doctor or a philosopher" as Donald Trump bears to a Great American President.

You do realise, when the police/the real criminals finally catch up with him - which they will, he sounds in no way smart enough to cover up his tracks - you'll be caught up in it all too? Get a bloody grip, woman, and grow the fuck up.

PatriciaHolm · 21/02/2017 19:15

Ah, so you couldn't a shit where the the money comes from as long as it flows nicely towards you.

Well that clears that up. Presumably everyone in real life is sick of hearing you bleat on about this prize dick so you thought you'd come here instead.

raindripsonruses · 21/02/2017 19:18

Not his past that's the problem, it's his arsehole present.

JFT96 · 21/02/2017 19:19

OP, I used to spend most weekends on prison visits and I'm advising you from much experience to run an effing mile

You are coming across as very naive and immature (in a knowledge and experience sense) and in denial, and seem mostly bothered by his looks and occasional gifts. Why? As a trophy boyfriend to impress your friends?

I agree with you not to judge people on their past or employment alone but this isn't his past it's happening now and he isn't older and wiser after life teaching him a lesson yet. Someone upthread said he likes you because you don't ask questions or know when to back off, why do you think that is?

PoorYorick · 21/02/2017 19:23

Judge people by the company they keep. And in his case, the company he keeps are naive, inexperienced, disadvantaged people who are dazzled by his verbal diarrhoea (because they can't understand it), attracted to the shiny stuff he buys them, and NEVER QUESTION HIM.

Have you noticed that not a single woman on this thread is impressed by him? That not one of us wants to be in a relationship with someone like him?

BitchPeas · 21/02/2017 19:37

This has to be a wind up. No one could be this stupid.

pocketsaviour · 21/02/2017 19:39

@Kennington
Across most of the Midlands and some parts of South Yorkshire, "mum" is spelled "mom" and pronounced "moom" (with the oo as in book.)

I have nothing to say to the OP. I feel this thread is more of a stealth boast than a cry for help.

Hateloggingin · 21/02/2017 19:40

Thick as fuck

PoorYorick · 21/02/2017 19:48

I feel this thread is more of a stealth boast than a cry for help.

I'm starting to think the same thing. But if it was intended to make us jealous and impressed, it's backfired magnificently.

EachandEveryone · 21/02/2017 20:01

OP you really don't want our advice. Clearly you are going out with some kind of dealer who is as hot as. We aren't jealous.

Fakenewsday · 21/02/2017 20:08

I suppose you'll be judging him for what's on the inside when he ends up inside eh?

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 21/02/2017 20:08

Aw come on Each...you're not thinking hard enough about that swagger in those trakkie bottoms....Wink

MumUndone · 21/02/2017 20:10

Oh for goodness sake.

MommaGee · 21/02/2017 20:17

So he's a good lay and he buys you stuff, so it doesn't really matter where the cash came from but you want to know if it's normal to not admit his cash all comes from drug deals etc? That's what's I got from 14 pages.
You're 32, a mother of two, working and in college with ambitions to improve yours and the kids lot in life. That's great. So why are you wasting your time with a guy who clearly dodgy, who will likely end up inside of his past present catches up with him, who doesn't work cos the Daily Mail says he should, who isn't giving a good example to his children and who won't open up to you.

Please say you're at least making sure you don't get pregnant!!!

MommaGee · 21/02/2017 20:19

PS.
Please stop hinting at what you want him to buy you and get some self respect.
Get some prospectus from your college and find him an entry level psychology course. The men in ties don't care what he does at college

PoorYorick · 21/02/2017 20:28

Tbh, OP, if you just want a man who'll buy you shit and not talk to you be mysterious, you could just join a sugar daddy website and have done with it.

(I'm not seriously suggesting this.)

Ellisandra · 21/02/2017 20:38

The money is from past criminal activity, possibly drugs, maybe counterfeit goods.

He's gone straight now though, and though he's still buying you trinkets (or rather, shall I just say buying you?) he's ashamed to tell you where it came from. Because he's so deep and he's in an awakening process.

OP, to anyone with half a brain cell, he's a dodgy loser and this long conversation you think you had was just one long stream of bullshit.

You need to take a good look at yourself - hinting hard for presents? Jesus woman, where is your self respect?

Why can't you just say "OK, the money is saved from before... exactly HOW?"

My boyfriend has happily chatted about his income with me. It was relevant when we were deciding holiday plans. I guess it's easy to be open about money when you earn it honestly though.

He's just a low life criminal bullshitter and you're making yourself sound very dim and shallow.

Ellisandra · 21/02/2017 20:40

Still trying to work out the relevance of the two black friends, one white, and him being mixed race though.
Thanks for sharing the ethnicity.
Why?

SittingAround1 · 21/02/2017 20:52

Ok so you're obviously going to stay with him despite every PP warning you about him. Just be careful and don't let him destroy your already low self esteem .
Keep on with your studies, I wouldn't waste any time trying to motivate him either.

He sounds like a bullshitter to me. I always think it's better to look at someone's actions rather than what they say. He'll never have a career- fine if you don't mind. But I wouldn't sit around waiting for him to get off his arse.

Also you should be prepared for either his money running out one day ( if he's telling you the truth) or you discovering he is earning cash through illegal activities.

MrTCakes · 21/02/2017 20:56

By all means shag him and let him buy you all the presents that you desire. But please keep the creepy tom cruise/russel brand lovechild away from your children.

Original poster
mummytotwo2 · 21/02/2017 20:57

Actually i see potential with this man which is what a lot of you seemingly don't. It's almost as if because he may be involved in something dodgy or drugs you want to write him off as scum and a loser. This man is in no way a loser to me. Whether you believe in his conspiracy theories or not it's very clear that he has taken time to educate himself and learn and improve himself. That deserves respect. I feel like he has potential to do something with his life but needs that push and motivation to do it but many of you seem to be saying he's a hopeless case. Which i don't think is right and is also pretty snobby. So a working class lad or a lad that grew up poor and made some poor choices can never escape negative labeling and stereotypes because he doesn't wear suits, doesn't have a job, has tattoos, talks with slang etc? That's ridiculous. Nobody here has ever been on benefits? Nobody has ever struggled? Never lived on a council estate? Maybe we are just coming from completely different backgrounds i don't know.

and yes most of my friends who met him do find appealing and one even asked me "bloody hell where did u get him from" so they aren't judging him and thinking of him as a scummy loser.

also the fact he has built up his body and maintains a physique like that i recognise that's not an easy thing to do you think it is? Wouldn't every man and woman be walking around in great shape if it was easy? It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to have a good body and i respect the work that goes into it so i'm amazed some of you are acting as if this man is some lazy slob who sits on the couch watching jeremy kyle everyday!!

That said, i still would like him to be more transparent with me and open up more.

OP posts:
CitrusSun · 21/02/2017 21:00

This is so depressing, you're impressed because he looks good and sounds intelligent, wise up and dump this infatuation before you are completely blinded

PoorYorick · 21/02/2017 21:01

He doesn't sound intelligent.

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