I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

Gym, steroids.

An inheritance or payout doesn't last forever (as nice as it sounds).

You kind of know something is shifty.

Why do you want to believe otherwise?

Oh wow, x-post.

He just sounds like a wankstain, irrelevant of his shifty income.

he sounds like a bellend. i've met many, many people like him at festivals - all lizard royalty and chemtrails and wake up sheeple.

he wants you to believe that he's a deep thinker, that he sees beyond the social constructs of the new world order and that the answers will come...eventually.

OP, at best you are in love with a low-rent Russell Brand. at worst, he is still to reveal himself to you as a turquoise-tracksuit-wearing truther who mines bitcoins and tells lies about the Deep Web.

I have met his ex (the mother of the kids) twice, one time he even invited her to the pub with us to have a drink. She essentially told me in not so many words and also i could clearly tell by her actions she is still in love with him. He'll get calls from her sometimes when we are out about silly things asking him how to make a cake for the kids or what clothes she should dress them in for her friends party etc. Silly things as an excuse to contact him. Apparently when they lived together he did 90 percent of all the housework and looking after of the kids. She would do nothing but sit on the sofa watching midsomer murders and soaps.

He was saying this stuff to me in front of her and she was going along with it, She wasn't exactly dismissing it and calling him a liar.

The mother of the kids even admitted herself to me that she is no good with money and he had to manage the finances and upkeep of the house when they were together. He has told me she was "useless" (his words) and when i met her twice i got that kind of vibe from her without trying to be rude she came across as very unmotivated and maybe even depressed. He told me he felt like a stay at home dad or house husband the whole time they were together because she would hardly do anything and was lazy.

He only comes to my house when i invite him. He never asks to come unless i ask him does he want to come over first. I've never been to his. Usually he comes on weekends my kids are with their dad but my kids like him a lot and are always asking when is he coming over during the week. I haven't told him that the kids are always asking after him though. I haven't told my kids we are a couple yet but they met him when we were in the friendship stage.

you should always use cash as the banks could crash the system anytime and you'll be left stuck when you can't withdraw anything from the ATM's

This guy is also really intelligent too

Errrrr....nope.

At the gym all day for sure?

Selling steroids?

Drugs, online poker, something illegal.

Was your ex in prison for drugs OP?

Whatever messed up relationship he had before doesn't mean you should be with him. He's dodgy.

If he's so wonderful and she's so hopeless why isn't he looking after his children full time?

He's got the time and the money .

I've been through very very (almost scarily) similar, I didn't see the light until I left though, was a very strange period of my life.

He was beautiful, intelligent, understanding, talented, deep, he helped me with my kid, spoilt me and was AMAZING in bed.

In hindsight he was a low rent Russell Brand, I was way to naive and just out of an abusive relationship, after about a year I started seeing the light and ended it, he did some really messed up things once I'd finished it. I then found out he had signed up to a load of benefits under my/our name (and not told me), and they were all going into his bank, he would tell me he had started a job and then a few months later-'I'm bored so I quit'.
Seriously I can't believe how stupid I was-he was dealing drugs obviously, although he only ever smoked weed himself it was apparent he was handling other stuff for the cash.

I also really believe he was deeply in love with me, I have told several people that if I ever go missing-it will be because of him (and I'm only 50% serious )

To answer what his friends are like.. He doesn't have many friends that i know of. Close friends anyway. He only told me he is pretty much a loner since he started his awakening process..as he calls it. A few of his friends or people he grew up with I've seen online and when we've been out if he's stopped to talk to them in the street 2 black guys (he is mixed himself) and one white guy he was having a conversation with when he saw him by the bar where we were. One of the black guys was actually trying to chat me up before he realised he was with me and they know each other.He told me that they aren't really his friends they are just from his area where he grew up and he catches up with them if he sees them about but he's left his old life and people behind but still respects them

These people he knows though all seem to be in awe with him when they talk to him like he is a mentor or big brother to them yet he just chats casually and kind of brushes them off, like they talk to him in a typical slang and ghetto? kind of way almost like how kids making a rap video would talk to each other and he talks like that back to them but when he's with me or chatting to a random person in passing or on the phone or something he talks in like a more sophisticated way or a more smarter or professional type of way..

i can't work him out and i find the mysteriousness about him kind of sexy and a huge turn on i must admit. Could he have been involved in like drug dealing or something before but now he's like ashamed of it and wants to turn his life around??? That's the impression i get but he won't open up.

Sorry if the replies are long i'm trying to type the replies all in one instead of all seperate.

Sorry OP you lost me at "awakening process"

This is sounding more and more like some terrible sub standard Mills and Boon.

Call that an update ?

Patricia he's not rich enough for that,more like the prelude of a Criminal Minds episode

Has a single poster said"oo, he sounds lovely. I wish he was my boyfriend "? No. Because he sounds like a dodgy loser who's full of shit. Pretty, he may be. So what?

i find the mysteriousness about him kind of sexy and a huge turn on i must admit.

That's funny, because I find it dodgy and repellent as fuck. From what you've told us, he doesn't sound like a mysterious and dashing man of the world. He sounds like a common criminal, materialistic, a snob and an idiot to boot. (Doesn't use banks? What would an actual legitimate businessman say about that? Do you know any financial advisers who would recommend keeping your money stuffed in a tin under your mattress?)

What kind of anti capitalist goes on expensive shopping sprees and eats out at places where a starter is £30? Only the most oblivious kind of twat.

Seriously, I want to slap this pretentious, emotionally stunted dips hit across the face with a wet kipper.

well what i like about him is he treats me special and buys me treats and gifts but h won't do it all the time, like i can be basically giving him every hint in the book that id like a new piercing or a new dress but can't afford it and he will not give in and say ok i'll get it for you but like if we're out he'll just pull it out of the blue in a conversation that has nothing to do with that and it's like the biggest surprise and feels so special that he's remembered i wanted that from weeks ago i last mentioned it. He is not weak and overly generous/pushy but he's still sweet.

ive never had a man who operates like this before they were all either moving way too fast and getting me flowers, gifts every single day or they were completely stingy and would never treat me nice. i have never found the balance like this man has and its why i really don't want to lose him.

He has told me she was "useless" (his words) and when i met her twice i got that kind of vibe from her without trying to be rude she came across as very unmotivated and maybe even depressed.

I wonder why!

He sounds full of shit and you sound desperate.

You are just in it for the surprise presents then?

So you like him because he buys you gifts when you drop hints? Ok, we are getting somewhere. It sounds as if you are also impressed because a few people who sound like they are probably disadvantaged like him. I don't really get the significance of one of them hitting on you then stopping when they realise you're with him; I would expect that of more or less anyone who wasn't a total moron.

There are plenty of generous, financially solvent men out there who will buy you trinkets without bad mouthing their exes and working in some dodgy cash in hand business without bank accounts. There are plenty of men who have earned real respect from people who are not in such vulnerable positions that it's easy to manipulate.

He sounds like the most monumental twat, OP. More women are attracted to that gormless whinging pissbaby Christian Grey than your boyfriend.

well what i like about him is he treats me special and buys me treats and gifts but h won't do it all the time, like i can be basically giving him every hint in the book that id like a new piercing or a new dress but can't afford it and he will not give in and say ok i'll get it for you but like if we're out he'll just pull it out of the blue i

So you like his dodgy as fuck,no idea where it came from,money. That makes sense now.

So he slags the mother of his children off, while she's sat there? And you think that's ok? If she's so lazy and incompetent as a parent, why on earth is he not fighting for custody of his children? Oh wait, maybe it's because it's all bullshit and is poor ex probably still believes the shit he told her.

You've never been to his home, you've never met his friends. You don't know this guy at all and you're letting him be around your children. All because he's good looking and buys you stuff!
I say this as a 19 year old, grow up! You know he's probably up to something dodgy and honestly it doesn't seem like you care.