I don't know where my boyfriend gets his money from??

[mummytotwo2]

Hi, i have been seeing a guy i met from instagram for 3 months now, everything has been great with this guy we became like best friends in an instant. He has met my kids and I've met his. He was friends with my sister but we had never met before until we started talking on IG. (he added me on there as he had my sister on there already)

One thing i'm curious about with him is that he NEVER goes into any detail about his life/background and he doesn't have a job but always seem to have money to take me out. He buys me gifts out of the blue sometimes if he's passing a shop where he sees something i'd mentioned i like but can't afford he just buys it me and gives it to me next time i see him. He bought my eldest daughter a new coat for school, he is always buying himself new things too, the other day he had two new tattoos done and i know they weren't cheap i asked him how much he paid for the latest big piece he had done he just said "does it matter".

all he says to me is that he's looking for a job but needs to be motivated to do a job otherwise he gets bored too quickly. Anything around money/income/job he just sort of brushes it off and laughs, like i went to pay for a cab we took into town last week and he said it doesn't matter he will pay and then i jokingly said to him "Oh you're loaded aren't you so it doesn't matter" but again he just laughs and says something like "well it's better to have money than not isn't it"

He very rarely tells me anything about his family outside of his children. He always keeps saying how life is stressful and how he gets depressed but i can't help him much because i just can't see what he is depressed about! he won't open up at all.

the reason i am interested about this is because i have basically opened up to him about every single personal and private thing i have been through and he's been so understanding and supportive and has never judged me for any of it, yet he himself hardly tells me anything about his life or about his current circumstances (plans for the future, etc)

am i just being overly nosey here or is it normal for a man to be this reserved about himself?

He sounds like a total knob. And you sound very vulnerable and he's exploiting that. Sorry. Just my take ! My friend who is 28 is being messed about massively by a guy like this. REALLY don't get it!!!

Open your eyes. Please. For your children's sake.

... because the business world just can't get enough philosophy grads

OP, he sounds so dodgy. Either properly criminally dodgy, or just plain 'world's out to get me, they're all Scientologist reptiles, cock a doodle doo I'm Russell Brand with me long circumlocutions and what have ye' actually quite boring dodgy.

Either way, stop putting yourself down in comparison, and don't lend him any money.

No he said that he has some cash saved up from before which is how he pays for things...

Where do you live OP?

Oh Hun, I'm sure you can inspire him and talk many a late nights about his desires to study psychology. Or philosophy. Or something else. That's deep. Got to be deep. And you two can plan for the future career in studying deep stuff over candlelight, at restaurants with £30 starters. But not over the phone, because the government listens. All. The. Time.

So he isn't on benefits and hasn't been for years,has no job but somehow he has magically saved enough for expensive restaurants and shopping trips. Saved from what? It makes no sense.
How old is he?

And most importantly do you really believe this shit,or you just want to believe it because he's just so amazingly awesome?

Where the fuck has a starter costing thirty quid?

Sorry op, I think he's definitely up to something dodgy. If he's not claiming benefits and he's spending money like that, even if he had money saved he'd be careful with it if he didn't have anything coming in, surely?
I wonder if his comment about your ex, being in prison was to gauge your opinion on it.
At a guess I'd say drugs. What are his friends like? Have you been to his house or does he only come to yours?
Why don't you feel you can't just ask him outright about his financial situation, without making it a joke?
I do wonder if rather than two bags of toys his child's mother, might have preferred a maintenance payment, to help with the not so fun costs of children.

I have a feeling we are all banging our heads against a brick wall here.

OP won't just come out and ask him, because she probably realises if she stops lapping up his BS, he'll move on and find another mug who will.

I give up. But I feel very sad for your DC OP.

He said he'd done a few bits and pieces in the past but years ago (my sister met him in college at the time) he said everything he does he never sticks to it and he wishes he would because he would make his mom proud as she's always wished he would get a good or career and that he feels like a failure and he thinks i will see him as a bum because he doesn't work he said that just because the daily mail and government said it's proper and right to work just for the sake of working doesn't make it true and that there's plenty of ways to make money you should think for yourself and stop letting society make judgements on poor people, single moms, those on benefits etc he says it's all propaganda and designed to see the poor and those on benefits as less than human. He doesn't sign on now but said he has been there scraping pennies and that's when he helped me out a bit when i was transitioning between work and college and signing off i had literally nothing to live on so he lent me money, bought my daughter a coat for school and he even ordered me a new storage unit as the other one got broke when i moved.

He goes off onto long winding subjects and beliefs like that on most things and i end up getting lost in him and thinking to myself well he does make a lot of sense and then i forget to ask him what i wanted more directly again and then i think well he's revealed quite a bit i can't keep pushing him on this even tho he his easy going he gets moody sometimes and cuts the call short and i feel like i'm boring him or being too pushy/nosey something

I don't know if he pays maintenance but he's always giving his kids mother money for new clothes and shoes for the kids i know that. He's told me. He's complained about this often to me on the phone saying that she should spend what she gets more wisely and make sure the kids have what they need as she spends quite a lot on herself (hair, nails, clothes etc) but he will never allow his kids to go without and will always make sure they have what they need. I feel he's a great dad to his kids tbf, he takes part in everything in their life. He even personally asks the staff in their nursery about their development and how they are getting on as the mom doesn't seem too bothered (according to him) his oldest son is one of the most intelligent in the nursery class as i went with him to pick them up once and the lady told him that while i was standing there. He seemed really proud. he often says that his kids are basically his whole life he has very little else.

Sweetie, the guys full of shit. Plenty of ways to make money,,other than working? How's that then?

He's either dealing or he's some dealers little runaround.
He'll leach off you OP.

I know for sure the mother of the kids is still in love with him but he'll never go back. He told me she knows she made the biggest mistake ever and she'll have to live with it...I could even tell when i met her she wished she never lost him...

He sounds like a dick. If he wants to go to uni then he has to get some a levels under his belt. He's a criminal. Dreamer at best. I bet he talks about the Illuminati and other conspiracy bullshit

He left her btw but she's still in love with him. Just wanted to be clear. One day he had enough and just walked but is still regularly in contact with her for the sake of the kids...

He sounds like a right twat .

He's giving you long winded self serving bullshit. What you need is a straightforward answer to a straightforward question. What do you do for money? are you a dealer?

No one can be that deluded :/

Ok two questions!

You're obviously smitten op but I can't see why. He just sounds like a knob.

I think you might need to google 'cognitive dissonance'. He's 'telling' you a lot of stuff and the things you see appear to back up what he tells you...but you have no independent observers to tell you whether he really does have a besotted ex spending all his money on her hair and nails (as every man ever has said about his ex, if she's not 'psychotic') or whether he's telling you this and you are seeing it too because you expect to see it. How the hell can you tell she's still in love with him? Does she moon after him? Dribble when he walks through the door? You are seeing what you expect to see, because he has told you what to see. Don't be in awe of him. Look, properly look, at what he does, don't look at what he tells you he does.

The more you say about him OP the worse he sounds. Even if he got his big sum of money legitimately (personal injury claim? Gambling win?) the stories he is telling you about why he doesn't work and about his ex sound like massive bullshit.