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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner left me - I've not eaten since Thursday. When will I cope?

114 replies

CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 09:51

My relationship has ended and it's the biggest shock. This time last week we were so in love but he's left me.

Thursday night I didn't eat and got drunk off two strong vodka and oranges. I've not eaten since - yesterday I forced myself to have a bath and ate a mini fun size bag of M&Ms as I thought I should have something. I couldn't stomach anything else. I have no appetite at all, the thought of eating makes me feel like being sick, I think because I'm keeping being sick at bay just thinking about things.

I've read a couple of other threads and I know this kind of heart ache is normal. He was my first and only love. He's not responding to me now so I suppose I have to accept that. I'm so worried about going to work Monday and having to start telling people Sad

Should I force myself to eat? All I managed yesterday was to get into the bath and then I changed my bedsheets. I just want to sleep and hideaway. But when I have work I'll have no strength if I don't eat?

OP posts:
INeedToEat · 11/02/2017 10:13

No, don't force yourself to eat. Your appetite will come back naturally in time.

Be kind to yourself for now. Is there anything practically you need to be doing ?

RabidHarpy · 11/02/2017 10:14

I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt.

However, you must try to eat even a little something. I completely understand the lack of any appetite but you need to be kind to yourself. Get yourself through today. Wishing you strength Flowers.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 11/02/2017 10:18

I felt like that recently for a different reason and tried to eat small things, e.g. A mini packet of ritz or half a yoghurt. But I know the feeling of feeling of being so stressed you feel sick and the thought of eating is nausea inducing.

Try bits and bobs as you have been doing, and at least drink something like tea.

I'm sorry you are so heartbroken, do you have anyone in RL you could talk to?

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 11/02/2017 10:18

Chocolate cake/hot chocolate/soup/icecream/chocolate.

Be gentle with yourself, rubbish movies on, box of tissues, wrap up in your duvet with the above. Give yourself today, maybe even tomorrow to grieve a little. Avoid alcohol, you'll only feel worse after. Its awful but you can get through this and remember mumsnetters are always lurking if you need someone to rant at/talk to/cry on Flowers

Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 10:18

Thanks guys. I've never been knocked by something so bad. I've had some rough times in the past few years but he was by my side through it so now I just don't know what to do.

I don't need to do anything until Monday. I am not ready to tell people yet as that will make it real and I'm not ready for the discussions but I am going to tell my friend Monday and go from there. Dreading telling my family. Being pitied is something I struggle with Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 10:21

I wish I could knock myself out. I was in bed early last night. Put fresh sheets on and put olbas oil on my pillows (no idea why but seemed to of worked) downside was I was up early and I just want to sleep and avoid the feelings! I don't think I can physically cry anymore (am sure that'll change when I tell people in RL) but the physical ache is like no other.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 11/02/2017 10:28

I echo the be kind to yourself comment. I think no food will also impact on your mood. Is there anything that might be a little comforting? For me it would be Heinz tom soup, white bread and butter and a feel good film like The Holiday. Before that (this is probs the last thing you want to do) I would go for a swim. I find it like a reset button. You are feeling so bad its not going to make you feel worse so could be worth a try? FlowersBrewCake

Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 10:39

Thanks Summer I am trying to be kind to myself. All I can manage right now is making a hot bubble bath with candles and that is helping (and gives my bed a rest!)

I will try and make something to eat.

We were booked to go to a luxury spa next weekend (God the thought of Valentines is killing me. Why now?!) with another couple (my friends) I can not get a refund on it so I'm going to go. I won't attend the dinner with friends as it would be akward a table of 3. But I'm looking forward to using the spa and maybe get a massage. It'll be needed!

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 11/02/2017 11:03

I think that you are being amazing. That's a really positive thing to do. I hope you have a lovely day. In my nearest spa the lunch is a bit formal but there are other seating areas where people often sit having tea and toast or something. With a nice book or magazine this is loads better than the lunch. Last time I ate so much I had to cancel the yoga class I was booked on. That reminds me, have you done any yoga. I think yoga got me through the darkest time of my life and I came out stronger than I have ever been. I think this will be you.

Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 11:10

The silly thing is I'd just gotten into exercise and last week was so positive about it. Not something I can stomach just yet but hopefully it's something that will help get me through. I will need to be pro-active as of Monday to get through my work week.

I will definitely take a book and sit out and relax. The evening will be the hard part but I've always loved a hotel room so I guess focus on the positives.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 11/02/2017 11:14

I agree with trying to eat little bits if you can, could you maybe stomach some plain biscuits, Rich Tea or digestives dunked in tea? Sending you a hug and hoping you feel better soon OP Flowers

CoteDAzur · 11/02/2017 11:19

Start getting angry, OP. He clearly wasn't "so in love" just last week if he could leave now.

Take care of yourself. Start eating. See friends & talk to them. Get out of the house. Your worth doesn't depend on what one man thinks of you.

Also, keep in mind that you will be fine by this time next year. You will have recovered, and you will be happy.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. You will be fine.

fluffiphlox · 11/02/2017 11:22

Go for a brisk walk/run. It'll be ok.

SandyY2K · 11/02/2017 11:23

Try to eat things that you don't have to chew.. Like yoghurt or soup. You do need energy, otherwise you'll feel faint and your blood sugar will drop.

Stop calling him and focus on yourself. I can only assume he had something he wasn't telling you about how he felt.

How long were you together?

Can I ask how old you both are?

hoddtastic · 11/02/2017 11:28

Have you got children? If so you won't be any good for them on a diet of sweets and vodka.

Rarerabbit · 11/02/2017 11:30

I am seven weeks in and not eating still. I have lost 3.5 stone. Not sleeping either.
Try to eat if you can. It's not easy though.
Not everyone is the same. It depends on so many variables......

BackInBlack78 · 11/02/2017 11:32

I'm also having trouble eating. I'm averaging about 3 hours sleep per night, appalling state :(

I'm not sure what to advise but heartbreak is definitely not pleasant...

Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 11:35

I've just managed 3 ginger nuts with a coffee.

Nearly 3 years. I'm 30 and he's 37. Cote I was angry I've tried to move past it now. I think he's met someone else. I tried to call him out his attitude having changed towards me after a weekend away. He said he was hungover and felt awful and everything was fine. We stopped speaking the weds after arguing through text. He messaged me thurs saying "are you still mad?" I ignored it and replied much later that day saying I'm upset. He said he realises there's no trust and he can't do it anymore. Said we should leave the weekend to think about it. I knew he was leaving me. He has just said he can't do it anymore and sorry.

I ashamedly, in panic, took all the blame when deep down I probably know my gut feeling was right. Trying to process the fact this someone else might be revealed soon is killing me. I can be a bit in denial until that happens.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 11/02/2017 11:42

Were you living together?

Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 11:43

hoddtastic no children. He has a son who I'm also in bits about never seeing again. When I think about him it's heartbreak all over again. He has his son now (we don't live together) so there's a reason I've not gone to confront him. I feel I deserve a face to face!!

Rarerabbit and Black sorry to hear you're going through the same and it's not gotten much easier Sad.
I don't really do doctors but I'm already thinking of booking an appointment (as it'll take weeks anyway) to talk about anti-depressants and sleeping tablets Sad I've never taken anything in my life but I'm in a job where my mood is going to effect ofhers.

OP posts:
nottinghamgal · 11/02/2017 12:10

I'm 6 weeks down the line from you.

I didn't eat for a week but appetite did come back.

Doctor gave me Valium for emergency situations which helped me a lot.

The constant crying has gone now. I have some good days and just went out last night on a night out with new friends. It was tough and I cried when I got home but I did it.

Small small steps. Don't think about next month. Think about today x

nottinghamgal · 11/02/2017 12:11

Oh and I have a book. Any slight positive thing that happens I write down. Even managing to get up on time, or bought some new makeup goes in the book. It helps me x

Olympiathequeen · 11/02/2017 12:30

Would it help you to know exactly why he has ended it? Would he respond to an email worded nice and calmly and saying you just want some honesty and closure? Say he can say he has met someone else and you will accept this and just move an and not contact him again. No angry retaliatory emails or texts, no further contact. Reassure him of this in exchange for honesty.

I personally would hate the uncertainty. Wondering if it was me or him. I would just want to know the truth, even if it was another woman or if he found me too stifling or possessive.

If he replies honestly stick to your promise and block his number and email

Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 12:33

Thanks nottinghamgal as not nice as the situation is its nice to hear from others in the same boat. I hope we can support each other.

The hardest part is I just want a cuddle from him. Messed up

OP posts:
Original poster
CantstandmLMs · 11/02/2017 12:37

Olympian I think I need to do that but not yet. He will say this is the exact reason. He's not ready to admit whatever needs admitting yet. He has just continuously said he can't do this anymore. And his most recent message to mine saying I just don't understand how we could of been happy Thursday and now this was "sorry I don't know what to say" so yes it is like hitting a brick wall right now. Maybe I don't want to hear it either.
We have so many mutual friends. Arghh.

OP posts:
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