Partner left me - I've not eaten since Thursday. When will I cope?

[CantstandmLMs]

My relationship has ended and it's the biggest shock. This time last week we were so in love but he's left me.

Thursday night I didn't eat and got drunk off two strong vodka and oranges. I've not eaten since - yesterday I forced myself to have a bath and ate a mini fun size bag of M&Ms as I thought I should have something. I couldn't stomach anything else. I have no appetite at all, the thought of eating makes me feel like being sick, I think because I'm keeping being sick at bay just thinking about things.

I've read a couple of other threads and I know this kind of heart ache is normal. He was my first and only love. He's not responding to me now so I suppose I have to accept that. I'm so worried about going to work Monday and having to start telling people

Should I force myself to eat? All I managed yesterday was to get into the bath and then I changed my bedsheets. I just want to sleep and hideaway. But when I have work I'll have no strength if I don't eat?

Op, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

When I'm heartbroken I think of someone I was heartbroken over years ago and how insignificant that person is to me now.

And imagine my current heartache will be insignificant the person will be one day.

It's the not knowing that is a complete killer. I'm sorry to say it does sound like he met someone else.

I wouldn't contact him again and if he contacts you, sit on your hands!!

On Wednesday night he said we'll be together forever. Maybe he was trying to persuade himself. Who knows? You're right that's the real killer.

This is my first real love Myheart so I can't imagine anything. I'm trying to think back to being single. I think I was happy. I really hated dating and nobody until him felt right. I was completely swept off my feet and the feelings scared me half to death. I need to get over never seeing him again. All so hard to process!

Could you take a girl friend with you to the spa weekend, a bit of company?

I wouldn't worry about the food, your appetite will reappear, get some soup in as a good nourishing food, easy to put in a mug and drink. Try to avoid sweets as they will make you feel worse with the sugar crashes, but eat them rather than nothing.

Heart ache is pretty miserable, but if you know it's over its best to cold turkey and don't have any contact. Don't torture yourself with if there is someone else.

Time will heal slowly and be kind to yourself. Tell people as they will be there for you, now is the time you need your freinds

It is very hard to process, and almost impossible when it's a bolt out of the blue!

I crumble over heartbreaks, would do only what I had to do. When I read that you changed your sheets, I thought to myself, Jesus, I probably wouldn't for weeks! So you are doing so well.

I bet you any money that if you don't contact him he will be in touch with you. Hopefully by that time you'll be feeling stronger.

You may or may not get answers. I wouldn't try to get them out of him now because if he has met someone else it will only be a pack of lies and when you eventually find out the truth you'll have to go through this again.

What have you got planned for today?

I suppose it's the not knowing for sure but in my gut I know.

Yes one friend text me last night asking how I was so she's the one person I've told. I mentioned the spa weekend and said she could come if she liked. I would like a laugh so hopefully she will.

My friend and her partner are going so at least it's some company. Hard as its a couple but they are good friends and will help me I think (will explain tomorrow).
We were booked in for a couples thing so will ring and ask to change that to a massage for myself if possible or cancel it.

I think going to work will be hard Monday but I'll be out the house and focused elsewhere so that's something. I have a week off after which I'll need to try and fill or it'll be pretty awful!

Please try and eat little bits, i went through this and fainted on day 4 of not eating
So sorry your hurting

Myheart I know crazy about the sheets but I had lay in bed all day feeling rather disgusting. They were also sheets he slept on. I was worried I wouldn't sleep all night again and I know crisp sheets (and the olbas oil) would help. It was a kind of mental process! I

I had a reeeeeeally long bath whilst my bed aired. Plan to do the same again tonight.

I have no plans. I'd been thinking about driving there tonight after LO's bedtime I know that's ridiculous and will likely cause more pain. I will get rejected. I planned this yesterday too but when evening came i backed out.

I've started watching Apple Tree Yard and will repeat my process later of long bath and bed. So depressed!!!

Aww, you have a little one. They must be distracting you?

Where are you planning on driving to later op?

I would block his number and block his email etc. Give yourself time to get used to this.

Going to see him will give you more pain, be kind to yourself and don't pick the scab...

Hit chocolate, hit milk, hot bath, slightly open window and fresh sheets will all help with quality sleep.

Mindless TV also good

Not my little one Myheart, he has a son and it's weekend to have him. I'm devetsated about losing him too. I love him so much

I had it in my head to turn up on his doorstep this evening and ask that he tell me face to face. I know that's not a good idea and more as each hour passes.

I'm so sorry to read this OP. I am 5 months on from you. Your appetite will come back but try and eat when you can. I lost 1.5 stone. For now, you are in shock and do whatever you need to do to get through it. I had counselling which helped. Rang Samaritans a few times. You will get through it

Thanks OhBliss I hope you're starting to feel better. I was trying to lose weight but the sensible way .

I'm an over thinker anyway so I just wish I could stop thinking about every damn thing. All the kind things he said, how he made me feel about myself. So how could he just change his mind?! Argghh.

Im going to listen to some hypnosis tonight at bedtime. Just anything to shift the thoughts for a while.

Karma I was taking painkillers yesterday as had a headache from a slight hangover 😩 But haven't yet today but still feeling it very physically. I will take some. Thanks.

Swimming helped me, it's repetitive and i found it calming to swim up and down a pool doing freestyle - just counting lengths and concentrating on my stroke and breathing. I went every morning as, like you I was waking early. So 6.30 every morning I was in the pool. It helped my sleep quality. Didn't increase my appetite though!

CantstandmLMs you sound like you are doing really well actually. However hellish it feels.

Try not to worry about the eating. Hydration is important though (especially if you cry as much as I do!). I also find eating jelly - something you can literally just swallow helps with energy levels.

In a few days or weeks you will wake up feeling ravenous....or at least I did.

I am on day 5 of heartbreak number 2 myself - I left but still feel utterly bereft.

Thankyou to you both. Some helpful advice. I am trying to keep my fluids up. It's a bit like being really ill

Sorry to hear you're going through pain yourself WTAF
I doubt my ex is feeling bereft.

Karma that's good! I have been trying to lose weight anyway and got into weight training recently (I will have a look at something yoga/Pilates like too). I'm giving myself the weekend to wallow and not do much then I'll have to focus due to work as well.

Mint tea, hot water and lemon or lemon tea for fluids. Fluids are the most important as a fast will not hurt you over a period. Think about chicken soup, softly boiled eggs and soldiers - food for recovery from an illness ( which a broken hear is) don't though take pain killers on an empty stomach - at least eat a digestive or cracker with the tablets.

It is just like being ill and you should treat yourself as you would with a physical illness.

I have a whole raft of tools that help me because my first heartbreak (also at 30) was awful and I ended up having a breakdown. Took ages to get back on my feet.

Self focus and self kindness are key. It must be horrible having the out of the blueness and not knowing....but there are still things you can do to take back control.

I found short walks or even short stretches helped. I also started swimming and practising the piano (think it's the repeatition). And I got a massive soft teddy despite my age (still have it!).

I set aside time to cry with an end point. At that end ppint I would do something else for 20 minutes, even if I cried all the way through it.

Ivy I'm definitely going to have a herbal tea at bedtime and do a whole calming routine. I woke at 4 this morning completely upset but that was still a better nights sleep than the one before.

WTAF thank you for your words of wisdom, especially experiencing it the first time at my age. We must be stronger than we think. I feel slightly stronger than yesterday but also know it will be one step forward two steps back. I fully expect to be back to square one once telling close friends and family who will be shocked. I get emotional thinking about breaking the news.

I am going through heartbreak too, I was going to start a new thread then saw yours and thought I'd message on here.

My now ex OH finished with me on Monday. Big shock as it was so, so sudden. Completely out the blue. The day before he was texting me saying how much he loved me etc, so I was completely floored by the phone call I received on Monday evening saying he didn't wish to be with me anymore.

I went into autopilot I think, I can't remember what happened on Monday night, I just remember the phone call ending, lots of tears from me and then going to bed.

It's been 5 days now and I'm eating a little, trying to look after myself. I've been trying to keep busy, as if I don't then all I do is think about him and the relationship. I sent him an email on Tuesday morning basically pouring my heart out asking for a reason as to why but he never replied and I've had silence from him. I have a horrible gut feeling he's met someone else and is too scared to admit it. It's bloody gutwrenching to be honest.

OP, I found surrounding myself with friends and family really helpful. I live quite far from some of them, but it was nice to have them on the end of the phone. Evenings and nights are the worst so I have been making myself super busy then, good movies, a good book, a nice bath, anything that will take my mind off him. I find reading makes me super sleepy so I always make sure I read a lot before bed.

Lots of good suggestions about looking after yourself on this thread. It's horrible when you want to eat but feel like you physically can't. I think it's very very important to be kind to yourself especially during the first few weeks or months, it's a shock to the system.

I've been reading a lot about breakups and heartache and I see it's very good to have some sort of goal to focus on. I am guessing that comes later on once the initial shock has worn off. I am thinking of various exercise classes to join and perhaps an evening class of some sort, just something I can work towards and focus on.

Like you, I am thinking to myself 'he made me feel so good about myself, why has he decided to do what he did?' It's horrible when you don't even know if you'll get an answer - I am sat constantly looking at my phone sometimes hoping he'll call or text, but I'm starting to think it's a waste of time and I should be focusing on myself and getting myself back to normality.

Lots of and for you. It's comforting to know there's others out there who we can chat to about this.

Oh Myusername200 how awful for you too. That seems even more out of the blue than mine. I had at least some part in an argument beforehand. The bit about having a gut feeling he's too scared to admit it rings true here as well. I absolutely don't want to believe it though but the alternative is its solely on me and I can make it work again - which isn't, as far as I can, an option so only hurts more.

I had a friend from work check on me today (as thought I was ill) and I confided in her. Felt a bit better after and actually made myself eat something. I think she mostly filled me with false hope which might not be helpful long term but take each day as it comes I suppose.

I have to admit I can't help thinking of him and his little boy right now, what we'd be doing if I was there like usual...

I'm finishing Apple Tree Yard and then I think I'll try and watch a silly film.

Stay in contact MyUsername200 let me know how you're getting on.